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Young Writers Society



Do You Believe In Whales? - Chapter One

by AwesomeSauce


Books are thrown across the room, one side to another. I groan, throwing another one over my shoulder. Books about trees, plants, gardens, princesses and other stuff are all over my room, each one of them I don’t need. The book I need isn’t in my room for some odd reason; I must’ve left it in the family room. I sigh, running down the stairs to the second floor. My room is on the third floor, this house has six floors. The sixth floor I’m not allowed on for some reason, but I hear weird things from that floor, like some sort of an animal sound. I don’t know what it is, but one day I’ll know.

I run towards the library, not being seen by my father who is studying in one of the rooms. I’m not allowed in here, but if father doesn’t know, it won’t hurt him. However, if my mother, if she were here, found out I’m in serious trouble. I close the door, trying to be as quiet as a mouse. Turning around, I sigh. This place is huge; books cover each shelf, blanketing the gaps. This annoys me; I need to find my book. Knowing my father, he probably thought that it was just an ordinary book and placed it on one of the shelves. At the corner of my eye, I see one of the ladders for high up places. I push it along the floors, making my way into the middle of the room.

Books are everywhere, from the bottom of the floor shelves to the tip of the roof. All sizes of them are here too, not to mention the colours of the covers. Mostly they’re black, but I’m looking for a sky blue one. I don’t even get why my father puts my books in here, they have my name on them! He’s very oblivious, also strict; he wants everything up to standards. Long brown locks go up to his shoulders, curls bouncing as he walks along. One of his eyes are hidden from the world by the long strand of hair he calls a fringe. I will never understand how my father can be of mean to me, yet he has this ‘model style’, what I call it, about him? I guess some things can never be explained.

My eyes find my prize, the highlight of the blue stands out from all the rest. The problem is; it’s on the highset shelf. Why is everything I need always so difficult to get for? I sigh, pushing the ladder towards the eight section of this place. I look up, noticing how high it is. I take a deep breath, why is it so high up? One hand on the ladder rail, I start to climb, not looking down. I have this fear of heights and falling, I just can’t climb a tree without that fear dripping off me. I’m halfway, seeing the most prized books my father has written in his life time. There’s so many, from magic spells to how to make your garden perfect, father has written so many. I’ve read them, but to me, they’re incredibly boring.

I sigh, making my way up towards the book. I see it; the light blue binding is in my view. My eyes light up, as I reach out my hand to grab it. My fingertips reach it, as it slips out of its place. However, as I did, everything tumbled over. By tumbled, I mean everything went on its side and fell down, like domino’s. My eyes widen, as I slide down the ladder, my feet landing on the soles. I stare, circling while watching the books fall down on top of one another. I heard the door unlock, causing me to panic. That will be my father, I have to hide! I see this desk; its dark oak will hide me. I slide under the desk, closing the doors of it. I realised something, this is my father’s desk.

I hear him gasp in surprise, before groaning. He yells, “Gia! Get down here this minute!” I snicker, not caring if anyone heard me. He sighs, walking around the room, “Well, I guess I cannot find my daughter in here. This is a shame…” He strolling comes to a stop. The door opens, “Oh, what do we have here?” He scrawls, pulling me out, “What did I tell you about coming in here?!”

I rub the back of my neck, “Well, I was looking for my book…”

H eyes the book, “That has been put in here for a reason.”

I raise a brow, “Why, what’s the danger with a book about animals?”

“It’s not that animals are a bad thing to read about, but that,” he points at the book, “That isn’t something you should be reading, they don’t exist.”

“Father, whales are an ani-”

He interrupts me, “Don’t say that word, it’s forbidden!”

“But father…”

He pushes me out of the room, hissing, “I will deal with you later! Just don’t be a nuisance and stay out of everyone’s way!” He slams the door at my face.

I look at the cover of my book, sighing in annoyance. It’s a picture of the might creature itself, the blue whale. Its majestic eyes stare at the reader, wanting the person to flip through the book. I have read this dozens of times to know the words and repeat them as someone reads the line. People here don’t want to ever pick up this book though; they don’t want to be ‘cursed.’ I will never understand who invented the ‘curse’, but to me it’s rather stupid. Animals are here, people have pets. However, one animal in particular doesn’t, it’s the whale.

Whales do exist, I have seen them. People here just don’t believe in them because they have never seen them. I wonder why though, they’re animals after all. When we moved here, which was about ten years ago, I remember this one guy telling me off because my shirt had a pink whale on it. I was only five back then, so I don’t remember that much what he said. However, sometimes when I sit on the cliff tops near the beach I see that guy, staring into my soul, making the atmosphere very uncomfortable. People here say that whales don’t and never will exist because of the waters and how the hunters always hunt for them. I will never understand this place.

Since I’m not allowed to go to the library anymore, I decide to go to the cliff. I want to say hello to the ocean, say hello to my mother’s spirit that lies there. My mother has been gone since I was six, she died of some cancer. Sometimes when sitting on the cliff looking at the sea, tears would come to my eyes as I see memories. Memories of when I was five come to my vision, playing as if it was on television, acting the scene. My mother was the greatest woman around; she was the light in the dark corner. Even though I only knew her for six years, it seems like I was a long-time friend of hers. She is my idol in my life; she’s the reason why I don’t give up in things. Mother saw a whale once, she told me the tale of that mighty animal. I told her that one day I shall find a whale and bring it to her.

The ocean breeze meets my face, the sent crawling up my nose. I smile, setting myself on the spot I always sit on. It’s on the grass next to these rocks that are giant pebbles. Placing the book next to me, I stare out at the ocean, noticing something entirely odd. A fin popped out of the water, then another and another. Pretty soon, I saw the whole body of this animal. The face is unrecognizable, but the animal is extremely odd. I have never seen it before.

Wave’s crash as the animal keeps on popping up its fins. Its cry is a pleasant one, sort of a happy laugh in a way. I sigh; my life can’t get any better than this, can it?

I notice that my book as some sort of note inside. I raise a brow, taking it, scanning its evidence. My eyes widen as I run back home, slamming the door open. I storm to the flight of stairs, stomping up them. My father has a lot of explaining to do.


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20 Reviews


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Sat Feb 16, 2013 12:07 am
ScribbleBug wrote a review...



This is so good! I really like it! The library is awesome, and I like how you put some fantasy but also realism into the character. The characters have emotions that everyone can relate to, and you did it in a really cool way. I honestly cant find anything that's really wrong with this story; its really well written. Can't wait to read more!
~SB




AwesomeSauce says...


Thank you!
I'm actually glad you like it!



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Fri Feb 15, 2013 7:34 am
MythWriter99 wrote a review...



Okay so I liked this work, it was interesting and I like the youthful personality of your character. I mean it's fiction! It's okay for the characters to be a little unrealistic, that's why reading is so great because when you read you can become anyone you want to. So I don't really think you should change your character very much, she's great as is. I like your story so far. it;s interesting and fun, but there were a few grammar problems like the people who reviewed before me pointed out. Just remember to read over your work before you post! Now that's really all I have to say, good luck and keep writing!




AwesomeSauce says...


Thank you!
I'm glad you like it! People say that she's not a fifteen year old, but the thing is, she doesn't act her age! XD I'm glad you understand!



MythWriter99 says...


Yeah I like making characters act immaturely. I think it's annoying when people are like 'she isn't realistic' well news flash I write about fairies and vampires so of coarse she isn't realistic!



AwesomeSauce says...


Exsactly!



AwesomeSauce says...


Exsactly!



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Mon Feb 11, 2013 10:25 pm
StellaThomas wrote a review...



Hey there! First of all, just so you know, I decided to pick your novel as one of my spotlight pieces in today's edition of Squills. So as you might guess, I thought it was pretty good!

I have a couple of things I'd like to talk about though. The other two caught all the grammar and spelling- but don't forget to proofread! It's super important :) one or two mistakes is fine, but proofreading a piece gives you an extra professional edge!

Other than that, this was mostly good. There's a lot of repetition, I think you could mix your sentence structure up a bit. It's all very, "I did this. I did that." It gets a little boring after a while. Try making the prose a little less stark, go a little crazy with mixing up clauses and putting in descriptions. It'll make everything a little less pedestrian!

The only other thing I had a problem with is that your protagonist seems very young for fifteen. Until you stated her age I thought she was a young child, about seven or eight. Like she hasn't really changed at all since her mother told her about whales. Remember ten years of life is a long time, I'm sure some change has come over her, and she's matured a bit- unless she has learning difficulties, which is possible!

But mostly I really enjoyed this! Nice work :)

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x




AwesomeSauce says...


It did help! Thanks!
Also, she doesn't act her age that much. It's really rare for her to actually act like a 15 year old.



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Sun Feb 03, 2013 8:55 pm
dogs wrote a review...



"I sigh"

Have a bit of a tense change here. This should be "I sighed" if he you're working in the past. If it's in the present say: "I let out a sigh" or something along those lines.

"Not being seen by my father"

Ok I like the description you've used to set up the scenery of the house. However I think you should re arrange the wording in this sentence, for some reason it sounds a little choppy. Maybe say "escaping my father's vision" or "evading my Father's..." yada yada. ya get the point.

"All sizes of them are here too"

Too many words, makes the rhythm a little skewed. Say either "all sizes are here too" or "All sizes of them also"

You're "sighing" a little too much .Try a different word, maybe groaned or rolls the eyes. Something along those lines. But just constant sighing is driving me up the wazoo.

"This is a shame"

This should be "That's a shame" or pity. I like pity better.

"it's picture of the might creature..."

This should be "mighty" I believe.

"I have read this dozens of times to know the words and repeat them as someone reads the line"

Ok, so this is incredibly awkwardly worded. You could substitute this entire line out for "memorize" really. Omit useless words as my English teacher always says.

"i see that guy... staring into my soul"

Hmmmm, intresting twist here. I was a little confused because the common crapper guy that cusses me out, I usually don't feel like he stares into my soul. I'll see how this plays out but you might have to re word that line and not make it so melodramatic.

Nice imagery of the mom. Well done their, creating a good picture in the readers head.

"I notice that my book as some..."

you mean "has" i believe. If you're having this many spelling errors, you can copy and paste this into word and then spell check it.

Intresting twist here for the ending. I think it's a little rushed into for the end, but the concept is a good thing to end on and leave the reader wanting more.

All and all this is a pretty good piece. A few issues with rhythm and what not but with a few touch ups I can see this being an absolutely excellent piece. Give me a PM if you need any more reviews, and please let me know when you post the next chapter. I'd love to read it. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh :smt032




AwesomeSauce says...


Thank you!



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Sun Feb 03, 2013 8:55 pm
Omni wrote a review...



Ah, there you are again! What about the other story, I'm in love with that one and I can't wait for chapter seven! Oh well, this will have to suffice!

Who am I? You should know me by now! My name is Omniyus! And I will be reviewing this story that will be no doubt maginificent! Onward to victory I say! Time to start reviewing!

My room is on the third floor, this house has six floors. The sixth floor I’m not allowed on for some reason, but I hear weird things from that floor, like some sort of an animal sound. I don’t know what it is, but one day I’ll know.


This part of the paragraph gives us a lot of insight on what yur house is like, but it could have been snuck into the work a better way, if you know what I mean. Try to blend it in with what is happening at the moment, like this:

"I knew the book I need is on the second floor, so I rush down the stairs connecting the third and second floors. I looked up to see the stairways of the top three floors and I notice the door to one of the rooms on the sixth floor. Maybe I'll get to go up there one day."

Something like that would be much, much better than just shoving some insight to the reader about your house, you see?
I don’t even get why my father puts my books in here, they have my name on them! He’s very oblivious, also strict; he wants everything up to standards. Long brown locks go up to his shoulders, curls bouncing as he walks along. One of his eyes are hidden from the world by the long strand of hair he calls a fringe. I will never understand how my father can be of mean to me, yet he has this ‘model style’, what I call it, about him? I guess some things can never be explained.


This is great explaining her (I'm assuming her) father, but, once again, you're shoving information to the reader. This one is fine, but I recommend you splitting it into two or three paragraphs because you go from his standards to his hair to his being mean (be of mean?) to you. This is a lot of topics for one simple little paragraph to handle. Maybe you should give it some leeway and divide it up.
“Father, whales are an ani-”


This part gets me very interested. I heard aboutmagic books and I see that whales are not supposed to exist in this world. I love it! Interest, very Interest...

My mother has been gone since I was six, she died of some cancer.


Uh-oh. You say here your mother is dead, but earlier you say:

However, if my mother finds out I’m in serious trouble.


I don't know if you meant this, but if you didn't, then you might wanna fix that.


This story is awesome! Make more! That's all I will say, for if I say more, I will burst from happiness from reading this story. Trule eccentric!

Hope this helped.
Omniyus.




AwesomeSauce says...


Thanks a lot! It helps me!




One believes things because one has been conditioned to believe them.
— Aldous Huxley, Brave New World