Heyo Batjoke! Welcome to YWS!
I'm here to point out every small mistake I can find and tell you to fix it.
So let's begin.
You can't just list things like that and call it a sentence. Put a semi-colon afterwards so it doesn't look so lonely. (And how exactly can facial hair be ironic?)
You forgot to hit your spacebar after typing 'enrolled'.
And after 'his'.
That should be 'I was seventeen'. Don't ask me why, it's grammars fault.
I honestly don't understand what this means.
You mean to 'watch people'.
There's that spacebar again.
In fact, your spacebar seems to evade you after a period quite a few times:
I get what you're trying to say, and it probably is grammatically correct, it's just confusing to read. I'd suggest re-wording it.
Spaces. And 'swimming' should be capitalized.
And I really did not understand that last sentence at all.
Overall, you're definitely a good writer. Your main problem was with the spaces, and your sentence structure. You wrote everything in a way that was bit hard to understand and that made it a bit confusing.
I'd suggest looking everything over to see what you can change on your own.
Keep up the good work.
Points: 5211
Reviews: 184
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