Young Writers Society

BLINKEEEEHH!!

Hi there Thought your piece here looked a little lonely so I came along to keep it company.

I don't think I've read much if your writing before but I really quite enjoyed it. You seem to be capable of doing that thing where you put nice imagery in your description that I don't get tired of or frustrated with. So that's good. Plus I can't do that to save my life in my own writing so it impresses me.

One thing I am very glad for is that you didn't just make this about the war in Syria. I read your author's note and I was like 'Oh no...this is going to be political and a bit boring and just shove a message about Syria in my face.' It's too often that writers take a topical subject and just end up shoving it down your throat. But happily, you did not do this. You managed to make this very human, to still speak about the conflict in general but then narrow it down to these two people. I liked that very much. There was a lot of emotion in it.

Dems has picked up on all the nitpicks (I say that but I probably didn't notice most of what she put anyway) I think maybe the only criticism is that this story kind of relies on my knowledge of Syria to carry it a little. I think that the story would still work well even if you had no knowledge of Syria. You could grasp that there are protests and an uprising and these two people are in it, however, I think because I've read up on Syria, it makes this story much more powerful than it would be if I didn't have that knowledge. It's a fairly small point I suppose since Dems seemed to grasp it fine. Perhaps it is a story that can work on more than one level. A basic level of someone not knowing about the conflict and a more hard hitting level for someone that does.

I don't know, it kind of just made it more tense for me because not only do you have this (I assume some sort of foreign aid worker/reporter) guy sneaking in to see a woman who has a husband but also that they're doing all this in the middle of a pretty terrifying conflict.

I hope you'll post the second part some time soon! I'd love to see how this progresses, even if I think this first part works somewhat as a standalone piece.

I'll stop rambling because it's not actually helpful! lol

Hope to see you around sooooooon! Don't let uni swallow you up!

Bex x

Hey, Blinky! It’s been a while, hasn’t it.

So, I'll try to review this even though I know nothing about the Syrian civil war! I have some nitpicks (really nitpicky, might I add), and then a few general comments.

There was one garden in Qamishli with a low concrete wall filled with red flowers and tall shrubs; and on this day there was music riding the wind from the open window, and the birds had suspended their habits to listen.

The door downstairs that led out onto the street was locked, but it trembled; the morning protests were breaking with the light, light which was now moving through the far window.

Glancing down she saw the light move to the foot of her chair, across the purple rug and the dusty wood and she looked up, at the window, where the clouds parting in the sky were lamenting for the days in which they blocked the sun.

"Did you like it? Michael Hedges?"

There weren’t many hummingbirds in Qamishli and if the animals were silent then so was she.

The tea, he was sipping; she it could see it falling down his neck.

Swinging her fist she rose and slapped him across his left cheek.

she whined, whined so loudly.