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Santa clause is coming to town chapter one

by puffletia


One long christmaseve when santa was getting ready to deliver presents he had just got back from jesus's birthday party when an elvf came rushing in looking very flusterd and like he had seen a ghost. "santa look at the time we are not going to make it all around the globe in time for sunrise" cried the elf. As santa looked at his whach he cries goodness me we arent! oh no think of those poor children who will be let down at christmas for no reason how sad they will be. " quick load my seigh we must leave leave now!". santa rushed to get his coat and boots on and dont forget his hat and gloves kissed mrs clause goodbye. He jumped in his sleigh and of he went into the sky. went to poler baer and penguins house first they were close. After hours and hours in the sleigh they thought their round was done he cried Dasher,Dancer,Prancer and Vixen,Comit,Cupid,Doner and Blitzen Rudolf lead them home. All of a sudden the elvf cried out "christmas isnt here yet england isnt crossed of and we still have presents galor!"


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Sat Feb 09, 2013 1:51 pm
Caesar wrote a review...



Hey there, puffletia!

I'm... really not sure what this is. A Christmas story? Christmas stories are nice, though I notice this wasn't exactly posted during Christmas. However, this also lacks all manner of description. Describe where Santa lives, what he and his wife (he has a wife? O.o) looks like, his elves, and so forth. You may also want to include emotions, what your characters are feeling.

"santa look at the time we are not going to make it all around the globe in time for sunrise" cried the elf.


Santa should be capitalized, and there should be a comma after 'sunrise', because that's what you do in dialogue.

" quick load my seigh we must leave leave now!". santa rushed to get his coat and boots on and dont forget his hat and gloves kissed mrs clause goodbye.


Quick should be capitalized, you don't need a period after that exclamation mark. Also, you don't need 'don't', as you're not addressing the readers directly. Mrs. should be capitalized and there should be a full stop afterwards, because that's how you write 'Mrs.'

All of a sudden the elvf cried out "christmas isnt here yet england isnt crossed of and we still have presents galor!"


Elf is spelled elf, not elvf. Christmas should be capitalized, isn't needs an apostrophe, England should be capitalized.


In short, please read something in English before writing, spell-check, and yeah, avoid writing until you know the bare minimum of what's required.

Hope this helped
~Ita




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Mon Oct 29, 2012 5:48 pm
puffletia says...







And on the pedestal these words appear:/'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings;/Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'/Nothing beside remains.
— Percy Bysshe Shelley