z

Young Writers Society



A whole lotta luck part 1

by dragonrider


PART ONE:

I have always hated math. Mathematics required precision; there was no room for creative exploring or questioning. No matter what you think or do, two plus two will always be four. It was a subject I didn’t understand very well, and a subject I felt frustrated and stifled in. I loved the way Science approached things. I felt like I could expand my mind more in the subject. However, I was always bored with the subjects that Science covered. I am disinterested in earth, life, and space. Overall, I didn’t like school.

I’m more fascinated with mythology and fairy tales. I loved stories about mystical creatures and fighting. In fact, when I was little, my uncle used to read me fairy tales every night before I went to bed. Even now, I search for new stories and read them myself before I fall asleep. I’m not sure what makes me love fairy tales and fictional stories so much. Perhaps I’m drawn to them, because the impossible things happen . . . .

I live with my aunt and her second husband with four cousins in Ireland. My mother died in childbirth, and my father disappeared years ago, presumed dead. The police never found a body, but they found a substantial amount of blood in the forest that matched my father’s DNA. This was a subject we avoided and was rarely spoken of. In fact, I didn’t even know what my father looked like, because there were no pictures of him around the house. However, I often thought about them and wondered what kind of people they were . . . .

My eyes were glazed with that bored, faraway look they always get when I’m doing homework. It was a dulling task I had long ago given up. I had just started to drool onto my hand when I snapped out of my half sleep. I glanced around the room, waiting for something to happen. To my dismay, nothing remotely interesting happened—except for a librarian glaring at me for yawning deeply and rubbing the sand out of my eyes. I gave her a lazy grin and left my seat. I’ve heard of a Dewey Decimal System that libraries use to organize books, but I didn’t have any clue how to use it. I rarely found books in libraries that fascinated me.

I meandered down the aisles, reading and tracing the spines of dusty books and shelves. I could smell the distinct musty scent of old books. I strolled down the aisles, reading and tracing the spines of crooked and bent books. I checked shelves after shelves, skimming the yellowed pages. Every single book I picked up, I shoved them into random places. I was probably causing an inconvenience to the strict librarians, but I had no intention of remembering where every book was originally stocked.

I found a book with the title, “King Arthur,”

I raised an eyebrow and picked it up. I flipped it open to the first few pages and began reading. I was hypnotized by the story almost immediately—by the Knights of the Round Table, magic, and all the interesting fantasy creatures. I had never read anything like it. By the end of the afternoon, I had left the library, with the King Arthur novel and a book full of Irish folklore collections.

The late afternoon sky was a grizzly grey, and it was drizzling. My backpack was slung on one shoulder, and the books were tucked under the other arm. I was strolling down the sidewalk whistling random tunes and drumming my fingers against the book covers. The streets were devoid of people so the walk back to the house was blissfully quiet. I stamped my feet against the porch—ridding my boots of mud and dirt, and came inside. I kicked off my boots and fell into the leather couch. It was a wonderful moment with just me, the warm fireplace, and the Knights of the Round Table.

I was a little irritated at the books I had been reading. The stories were amazing, but the author had never heard of spell check. There were misspelled words everywhere! He spelled fony instead of phony; feind instead of fiend; nock instead of knock; dupper instead of sup—I paused in my thoughts. If you put the misplaced letters together they spelled . . . find!

I wonder—

“Deirdre!” I flinched at the sound of my name then scrambled off the couch and into the kitchen where my aunt, S., was waiting. To this day, I have no idea what the S. stands for, but that’s what I’ve been calling her from the time I could talk.

“Sorry Aunt S. I didn’t hear you.”

“It’s quite all right, lass. Just try to be more aware of your surroundings.”

“Yes, ma’am,” I agreed with a sheepish expression.

“Alright, now have you done your math homework?” We both knew that I hadn’t.

“Uh . . . no.”

“Go do it, then! How do you expect to get into college if you’re failing math?”

I paused. “The Art Institute of . . . Ireland?” I didn’t know a bloody thing about art, let alone doing it.

“Tsk! You can’t even draw a straight line, lassie. Now, go do your homework, right. You might hate math, but you’re good at it.”

I frowned at the very idea.

“Yes, ma’am,”

“Good girl, now hurry up. I’m making dinner and it’ll be ready in an hour.”

I remained at a B average, because of my refusal to study and my half-heartedness on homework and tests. When I try to focus, my mind forgets all the formulas, goes black, and then I get a killer migraine. Today wasn’t an exception. Within a half hour I was finished and mulling over the word ‘find’ I had found in the book. I finished the rest of the story, but I didn’t find any more hidden messages, just incoherent nonsense. I shrugged and began on the Irish fairy tales. These stories were different from the King Arthur stories, but I enjoyed them, nonetheless. I frowned at a misspelling. Then I realized the k (find k . . . .).

“Deirdre,” my cousin called. I scowled.

“Dinner’s ready.” I smiled. After all, I was starving.

The weeks and months passed, like a leaf in the breeze. I searched harder for books with hidden messages. Only, the majority of the books didn’t have anything useful, except for the message WRONG. The message evolved painfully slowly:

FIND THE KEY D. FOR A DARK LIFE OR TO DIE FROM LOYAL BLOOD. MEET AT THE FOREST X.

—A


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User avatar
189 Reviews


Points: 398
Reviews: 189

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Sun Jul 28, 2013 6:10 am
manisha wrote a review...



Hey there!
Happy Review Day!

I really liked this. You have a nice flow and good description. I understand everything about your MC. About her interests. about her life, what and what not she likes. But I know this because you TOLD me. To make a story better you need to SHOW rather then tell.

I have always hated math. Mathematics required precision; there was no room for creative exploring or questioning.

You could try to show us here that she doesn't like math. Maybe by saying-
"I looked with disgust at my math book, not a bit interested in anything had to say"
Now you get the idea that she hates math. But this method works better because it shows.

I like the concept of finds secret messages in books.

Overall it was a good story! Looking forward to reading what comes next!

Hope I helped :)

Keep writting.

-manisha




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54 Reviews


Points: 5990
Reviews: 54

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Sun Feb 24, 2013 8:32 pm
silentpatronus wrote a review...



Howdy ☺

I’m going to review your work! ☺

No matter what you think or do, two plus two will always be four.

I’m not sure why but I really like this sentence.

I am disinterested in earth, life, and space.

If you’re talking about planet Earth it needs a capital letter.

By the end of the afternoon, I had left the library, with the King Arthur novel and a book full of Irish folklore collections.

You don’t need a comma after library.

I kicked off my boots and fell into the leather couch. It was a wonderful moment with just me, the warm fireplace, and the Knights of the Round Table.

Rephrasing it slightly at the end could make it a better read ‘ with the warm fireplace, the Knights of the Round Table, and me.’

I flinched at the sound of my name then scrambled off the couch and into the kitchen where my aunt, S., was waiting.

Aunt needs a capital.


This is really good, I’m excited to read more.
Keep it up!




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935 Reviews


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Reviews: 935

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Thu Feb 07, 2013 3:55 pm
Shady wrote a review...



Hey Onri!

Shady here with your review. :)

I tend to give grammatically focused reviews, but usually give a general overview at the end. Bear with me if this gets a bit long or tedious.

I have[/b] always hated math.
~ The rest of your paragraph is past tense, and this is present. Nix the 'have' and you'll get a past tense sentence.

I loved the way [s]S science
~ You have 'science' capitalized. It is not a proper noun, so it is not capitalized.

with the subjects that Science covered
~ same here.

I’m more fascinated with mythology and fairy tales.
~ 'more' suggests a comparison, not a contrast. I might say "I'm fascinated with writing, but I'm more fascinated with biology" because I love both, but I couldn't say "I'm more fascinated with biology than math" because I hate math. I'm not fascinated with it in the least.

Also, the "I'm" makes this present tense, while your other sentences are past. Try "I was always fascinated with..." instead.

I live with my aunt and her second husband with four cousins in Ireland.
~ This is becoming a pattern: first sentence in present tense, the rest of the paragraph in past. Try "I lived with my aunt and her second husband, along with (I'd specify whose kids they are, since you make a distinction that he's not your uncle) my aunt's four children, in a small house in the heart of Ireland." Make it sound more complete.

kind of people they were . . . .
~ Firstly, eclipses consist of three dots (...) like so. Secondly, you need to watch how you use them. The first time you use an eclipse is permissible, but this makes no sense. You're making a statement, you're not trailing off. A single dot, a period, will suffice.

My eyes were glazed with that bored, faraway look they always get when I’m doing homework.
~ You're writing in first person. You can't say "My eyes were glazed", you have to show it to us. "I felt my eyes filling with sand, making them feel gritty, but I didn't move to rub them. Instead I let my eyes flit about the room, unseeing, as my mind wandered, thinking about everything but the task laid before me-- my homework."

found books in libraries that fascinated me.
~ I get you like the word 'fascinated', it's a nice word, but you're overusing it. You need to stagger your vocabulary. Besides, not every book you read has to fascinate you. Interest you, yes. But not fascinate. Fascination is when you are completely enthralled.

I haven't been fascinated in anything in well over a year, since I learned about genetics. That fascinated me. I read for hours on end, neglecting school and chores alike, learning all I could. However, I have been interested in many things since.

Every single book I picked up, I shoved them into random places.
~ This isn't very clean. Can you rephrase?

I found a book with the title, “King Arthur,”
~ Titles are usually italicized and/or given one quotation mark. 'King Arthur' or 'King Arthur' or King Arthur would be acceptable. Follow it with a period, not a comma.

had never heard of spell check.
~ You were running your finger along the spines of books with yellowing pages. You implied that you were looking at old books. Now you bring up 'spell check'? I see you are younger than I am, so I will assume that you do not remember a time before computers. I, however, do. I remember our family getting our first computer (though, admittedly, I don't remember life without the computer, just getting it).

Personally owned computers are a relatively recent thing. Like between 10-15 years. If you're reading a book that's 20 years old, no, they haven't heard of spell check. They had typewriters back then, and before typewriters it was by hand.

To this day, I have no idea what the S. stands for, but that’s what I’ve been calling her from the time I could talk.
~ Kill the present tense! Just kidding. But do change it. Try "I still didn't have any idea what 'S.' stood for, but that was what I called her for as long as I could remember."

When I try to focus, my mind forgets all the formulas, goes black, and then I get a killer migraine.
~ Present tense once again. Try "When I tried to focus my mind forgot all the formulas I learned, and my head would start to ache if I tried to remember them too hard." Or something...

Also, you say that you "Then I realized the k"...only...the message is "Find the key"...So, well, 'the' starts with 't' not 'k', so it makes no sense.
~~~

Hi!

I actually did quite enjoy this piece. It needs a bit of love, as I pointed out, but it definitely has potential. If you can kick all those grammatical errors, you'll have quite a piece here. I enjoyed the storyline, and I'm interested in seeing what comes next.

Keep Writing!

~Shady 8)





The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch somebody else doing it wrong, without comment.
— T. H. White