Darkness

You really need to work on your grammar, and spacing. "resolveash she realized,no" is not a sentence. Your going to confuse the reader, and it then end up as someone clicking "Browse" to find another story. I think that if you really work on your specific issues, like apostrophes and commas in the right places. Later in your writing, novels or short stories, I'd really enforce the idea of focusing on those issues of grammar and spelling.

Good luck. Keep writing.

Howdy, I'm Rubric. I'll start with a nit-pick and move to more general feedback. I may only post one or two examples of errors if they reflect systemic misunderstandings of grammar or spelling. Here we go.

"you see thats"
that's*

too many" He purred
too many," he purred;

"She screamed her beautiful face distorted with loss and rage that his words brought"
This needs commas, preferabely after screamed.

", if you could call it"
I'm not sure what this is saying, Is it missing something?

"resolveash she realized,no"
resolve as she realized no

"dormant alleyway"
Dormant is an interesting wordchoice and puts across the idea of something temporarily inoperative, which is not an inaccurate description of an otherwise empty alleyway.

"abid the the creature that only appeared in manys worst nightmares"
I'm not sure whetehr "abid" is a misspelling, but I have no idea what's going on here. "manys" is not a word either, but if you're trying to get across the idea of a nightmarish creature, replacing it with the word "childrens'" would fit.

"That she was going to die."
She was going to die. No need for "That" unless you're referring to her knowledge or perception, which you have not indicated you are.

"crumpled posture"
Another interesting turn of phrase, but I don't think you can get away with this. Posture is not a synonym for "body" or "form", it is a broad category that can define how that body or form is presented.

"his smirk grew yet again more pronounced"
even more pronounced, as your focus is on an increase in "pronounce", not the repetition of "grow"

"light of defeat"
What is the light of defeat? What does it look like? Perhaps the "glimmer of recognition"

"not the the black cloak"
repetition of "the" again"

"blood or the mangled hands"
mangled traditionally refers to an injury. Are you using it in another way?

"it was the deathly pale"
This should either begin a new sentence or be prefaced by a semicolon.

"with Shaggy black hair, and high cheekbones, but despite his good looks is eyes where flat black"
with shaggy black hair and high cheekbones, but despite his good looks his eyes were flat black
I'm unsure of the word "flat" in this context.

"though where feral"
were*

"a lure to the inhumanly thirst"
a lure for* if you mean in the sense of a fishing lure

"now her eyes shining with"
her eyes now shining with

"sheer terror,as she new"
sheer terror, as she knew

"as you might say"
This is a very odd comment to have in a narrative. It acknowledges the reader and the narrator as individuals with understandings of language and expectations of how things are said and understood. It does not suit your narrative if this style is not going to be invested in.

"the the planet"
repetition of "the" again

"I suppose, she shivered defiance isn't always a good thing"
This sentence doesn't distinguish between internal thoughts and the narrative that surrounds it. Italics would be a good solution.

"she worried for it's safety"
She refers to her child as though it has no gender. Either she doesn't care about it, doesn't know its gender, or the narrator is misreporting her internal thoughts to hide something from the audience.

"with every inch of her heart"
This is an odd turn of phrase, as there are not that many inches of heart to hope with. "Ounce of strength" is the traditional phrase, but perhaps does not apply in this instance.

"Her baby, her baby, she murmured"
Why is she murmuring in the second person? You need to separate direct and indirect speech more appropriately.

"his easy going matter"
his easy-going manner

"as he studied her, she was brave"
These ideas probably need to be separated by a period, and the next sentence fleshed out into a proper sentence.

"since your here"
"you're" is the abbreviation of "you are". "Your" connotes ownership, and "here" is not owned.

"Humans are so quick to sacrifice when they think there loved ones are endangered"
If he knows she was sacrificing herself, then how is her sacrifice meaningful? She isn't distracting him, she isn't reducing the threats facing her child at all. If it is not made clearer here, it need to be made clearer later in the story why this sacrifice was both neccessary and effective for it to be meaningful. Otherwise it seems to be here to provide a protagonist with an angsty backstory.

"And he hasn't returned since."
Shift in tense is interesting, but its value really depends on what you do with it later in the text.

You need to work on your use of apostrophes. They are generally used to impart ownership (the man's hat) as distinct from a plural (the two girls) but not in the case of "it's" which is an abbreviation of "it is". Ownership in "its" has no apostrophe.

I would also suggest clearer separations between direct speech, indirect speech, and internal thoughts. I've indicated some examples early in your piece where your use of periods, commas, italics, and speech marks could be improved, but did not point out repetitions of the same mistake. A word processor such as microsoft word would pick this up, and I'd suggest you check for such errors before posting online.

I think this could be a really interesting prologue, and its great that you've posted your work here to read. In writing later chapters I'd really encourage you to look to those issues of grammar and spelling I've highlighted here.

Thanks for the read,

Rubric.