third times the charm.

Hi! I've read this before, though I don't know if I saw it heree but then didn't have time to review or saw it on your NaPo? Either way, here I am to take a look!

The title: I'm not so sure about this to be honest. On the one hand I like the contrast between what's normally a humorous/ casual statement and the serious nature of the poem (also mixed in with that humour and beautiful use of understatement). However, it isn't very attention grabbing and I don't feel it lures the reader in well enough.

last month i started a fire <<< Love, love this opening line. It really draws the reader in and sets the scene and the persona's personality. Very ell put together.
because my stove wasn't working
just click-click-click and gas [Good use of repetition, it's working well for you.]
filtered into the air and
attempted to dance around my lungs [This would be more effective if you cut it down and then added some specific detail. For example: 'danced an Irish jig around my lungs']
and suffocate me like a cobra, [I agree with Shino that boa would be more fitting.]
i lit a napkin to start the stove top fire I don't think you need this part, maybe more description about lowering the napkin to the hob instead?
but it didn't work and the embers popped up and out and
i tasted flames for the first time. [I'm not sure about this line. I like the sound of it but I feel ending on a strong visual might be better. Maybe something about the embers budding or how they pulse and gradually grow. Maybe something about the sound of the fire or the way it feels, maybe describe how it tastes if you're going to stick with that. Just something to add a little more sensory description and atmosphere to the piece.]

last week, i started a fire
because my papercut boy wasn't working [I love the repeated format. But papercut boy? I'm not sure I understand. Hmm even after reading through again, I don't think it works. I suppose you're trying to be surreal but she seems to want him to work or want the paper so it seems odd to give him a negative description? I don't know. It just struck me as rather out of place.]
just staring at the walls and playing
with string that tangled up in his
fingers becoming makeshift rings and makeshift chains,
i lit a match and threw it on his newspapers,hoping
it would startle him awake, the smell of yellowing paper [You have paper repeated a lot in this stanza! Maybe try yellowing news? I quite like the idea of playing with it being news that's burning, rather than paper. Have a think about it.]
burning, the site sight of the words, the truth, the news shriveling up [Oh so you have news here, but maybe if you go for news sooner, you'll be able to replace this line with something less repetetive and use it to build on the image/ emotions instead.]
and dying woud bring him back alive
but it didn't work and the embers popped up and out and
i tasted flames for the second time. [I'm not sure if these closing lines are strong enough to be repeated? The opening line works but I'd rather see a change at the end.]

yesterday, i started a fire
because my brain wasn't working [I like the move from the physical to the mental, good work.]
dreaming in vivid [I don't think this word works here. The line altogether is a little awkward, maybe take a second look.] and skeletons lost their ghosts and
came to find mine instead but they found an inferno
and bones cannot melt but they did twisting and crumbling
like rusted metal. i lit a match and let it skim
up my legs, pirouette down my torso, scorch my spine
and ignite between my lips, burning down my throat,
killing me from the inside out [Good, strong description. Much more visual and sensory than your other stanzas.]
but it didn't work and the embers popped up and out and
i tasted flames for the third time.

Overall

I liked this! You play with format well and there's a good rhythm going on here. I think you could maybe drop the repetition at the end and have it still be just as effective, partly because the ending is expected when you set it up like that and you made no attempt for a surprise ending or to twist your words around. That took a little of the power out of it for myself.

There's a few places where your language could be tightened up or you might want to add in a few more details, but in general this works really well and it's an interesting narrative. It isn't particularly emotive or chilling but it has a strong premise and that's enough to carry it through.

So good work! If you've got any questions, drop me a pm,

Heather xxx

This will be my last review tonight! First of all, I'd just like to say that this was awesome. I would say you didn't capitalize the letter "I" and you didn't capitalize the first line and blah blah blah, but you already know you didn't. There'd be no need for me to say so.

last month i started a fire
because my stove wasn't working
just click-click-click and gas
filtered into the air and
attempted to dance around my lungs
and suffocate me like a cobra,
i lit a napkin to start the stove top fire
but it didn't work and the embers popped up and out and
i tasted flames for the first time.

Okay! Nice start, I love the click-click-click, nice effect with that. The only thing in this stanza I would change was "cobra". Cobras aren't really known for suffocating things so much as poisoning them to death. However, suffocation and strangulation are the MO of boas. However, cobras do squeeze their pray to death every now and then, I like boas better...

last week, i started a fire
because my papercut boy wasn't working
just staring at the walls and playing
with string that tangled up in his
fingers becoming makeshift rings and makeshift chains,
i lit a match and threw it on his newspapers,hoping
it would startle him awake, the smell of yellowing paper
burning, the site of the words, the truth, the news shriveling up
and dying woud bring him back alive
but it didn't work and the embers popped up and out and
i tasted flames for the second time.

I like how it's progressing. Nice! What is the "Paper Cut Boy"? This is probably something abstract, I like it. I love the way you talk about the makeshift rings and chains. That part took my breath away.

yesterday, i started a fire
because my brain wasn't working
dreaming in vivid and skeletons lost their ghosts and
came to find mine instead but they found an inferno
and bones cannot melt but they did twisting and crumbling
like rusted metal. i lit a match and let it skim
up my legs, pirouette down my torso, scorch my spine
and ignite between my lips, burning down my throat,
killing me from the inside out
but it didn't work and the embers popped up and out and
i tasted flames for the third time.

Nice, powerful finish. Your use of imagery is pretty darn incredible. This poem is easily publishable, and if you haven't considered sending it to a magazine or something, you definitely should. This poem is very abstract, and it's easy to relate to because of that. You leave just enough room for interpretation. Keep up the good work! This was truly amazing!