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Dirty Little Secret

by Nike


A start to this tragic story? Well, for one, it isn't tragic. It's very insightful. It will teach you so much. Well, I hope. I've learned some new things from my own experience. Maybe you will too.

One day changed my whole life. Okay, I can't over react. It just changed it only a bit.

I got a boyfriend. And not just a simple fling kind, but one that loves me. He recalls that he loved me ever since middle school. Little hopelessly romantic caught my heart in that statement, well, mostly because I had a crush on him for a year. So, yeah.

"Serena," Charlie said, carrying the "a" a little long.

"Charlie," I mocked him.

Walking toward my bedroom window, I saw him standing on my front lawn, holding a bouquet of white and red roses. The sun made him look like a God, his blond hair shining so bright. I think he picked those roses from my garden that sits against my brick house. From two stories high, I could see his smile that's so bright, you could go blind.

He was perfect.

"Happy anniversary!" he called out, holding the bouquet up above him.

Anniversary?! We aren't married... are we? Am I in a dream!? Oh, wait. Our five month anniversary. Great, I never remember these things, he always does. Every month is our anniversary. He's obsessed with the fact.

"Oh, happy anniversary to you too!" I call out, hiding my forgetfullness.

My heart hurt. I hate hurting him like this, but he seems fine. I should get him something, quickly.

"Did you forget again?" he asked.

"No, I would never forget! Your gift is at my uncle's house. I had to hide it from you somehow." I lied, laughing it off.

"Oh, okay." he smiled, over joyed.

All you had to do to make him smile is to be the happiest person you could ever be. And that wasn't easy since I was the Negative Nelly. It seemed as if he was the girl and I was the guy of the relationship.

"I'll go get it! You come inside and I'll be back soon." I said, jumping from the window sill into my room.

"Alright honey," he ran inside.

I need to go to the store and fast.

------------------------------

Hitting the antique shop across the street of my uncle's house, I searched for a gift. Something cheap and special. Antiques were always great because no matter what occasion, people thought it meant something to you since it's old and vintage. It had a soul in it, that's what.

All the walls were covered in burgundy fabric as golden chandeliers hung from the ceiling. Every table was covered in items from shoes to safes. There was even furniture in the store, run down couches and old cabinets. The smell was horrible though, it smelt like my grandmother after her epic perfume spray contest.

You do not want to know about that. I almost died, okay, not only me.

I grabbed grandfather watches, seventies blazers, cracked cups. But nothing seemed to fit. Now, if I were him shopping for me here, I would find a lot for me. There are beautiful necklaces, dresses and even Converse from the olden days! I'm telling you, there has to be something for him in this small store. The cashier was starting to look at me as if I were crazy. His red curly hair and green beady eyes made him look like the lunatic, not me.

Anyway, I kept on searching until I found the perfect item. An old bowling ball from the nineteen-sixties. I could tell from the date written onto the ball,1962. It was pretty run down, the color fading and the numbers deteriorating. But it was perfect for him. He loved bowling.

Picking it up, I walked up to the cashier and bought it. He better love this ball.

As I reached the front door to my house, I realized it was open. Pushing it with my foot, I walked inside and heard chatter come from my living room which was just in front of me. I slipped my shoes off and walked toward the olive green room where Charlie and mom were talking. The door shut automatically behind me.

We had this system that scanned whoever came in and once the person is in, it would shut. I won't lie; it had glitch, that’s why it didn't close before. It's my dad's newest invention at work. He works for a company that produces doors and new things for it.

Smiling, I cleared my throat. Charlie and mom looked directly at me with smiling faces. Mom's hair was in a bun on top of her head, her brown hair color dying out. She needs to dye it again.

"Here's your gift hot shot," I said, handing him the ball.

I sat down next to him on the white love seat and watched him look at the ball. His eyes were glistening, I think he was tearing up a bit. My heart jumped from happiness.

"Happy anniversary," I added.

"Oh, thank you Serena! I love this!" putting the ball on the hardwood floor, he hugged my as tight as he possibly could.

I couldn't breathe.

Letting me go, I couldn’t help but smile. Anytime this kid is happy, I am too. No matter what kind of day it was, an F on my test, a guy making fun of me, getting chosen last in gym. I didn’t care. He made me happy and that’s all that mattered.

I hope he felt the same way about me.

“I’m glad you love it, it took me forever to find it.” I laughed.

“So that’s why it took you a while to get back home… isn’t it?” he said, a sly smile growing on his face.

“Nope, my uncle just lost it in his closet, so that scratch may be from the hanger scraping it,” I pointed at the mark on the ball.

I’m a great liar. I guess I’d have to say I was born with it. My family is filled with these kinds, but the problem is, we could tell whose lying or not. It was a good thing, and then we would know we’re not all liars all the time. I don’t like all the time, just when it’s needed. I think it’s even a bad thing to lie, but sometimes, it’s my only choice in life to do so.

“Oh,” he said, believing me.

See? I feel guilty after I lie to him like that. But it’s so small; it shouldn’t count as a lie.

The sun seemed to want to punish me by glowing through the white curtain into my eye, burning it painfully. Shutting my eyes, I turned my head away from the light. Damn karma, you’re fast and very precise in pain.

“So, you got me a beautiful bouquet,” I smiled, looking at the roses that stood on the wooden coffee table between the love seat and two single seats in front of us.

“Yes, each rose represents each date we’ve been on. Each moment we’ve spent together.” He said, smiling like a child in a candy store.

My heart clenched as my stomach flipped. He was unbelievable. My mother jaw even dropped, not believing a word he said. No man was like that before. None.

“Oh that’s sweet,” I hugged him, feeling a bit of disbelief sting me.

I wanted to hide my face from him as my heart sank. This wasn’t true. There were about fifty flowers in that vas, but not only that, he was trying too hard to keep me even though he knew I was his for forever. We already started to think of our future together. What got him frightened of my loose?

“Charlie, what’s going on?” I whispered into his ear, not pulling away from the hug.

“What do you mean?” he whispered back, gripping me tighter.

I heard footsteps walk away. Guessing that’s my mom, I pulled away from the hug and looked straight into his sky blue eyes. Oh, did they make my heart stop for a second.

“You are acting weird. This,” I pointed at the vas,”… is too much. You never do this. You’re trying to keep me with you even more even though you already have me for forever.” I felt tears sting my eyes, my breathing increased rapidly.

Looking down at the palms of his hands, he took a deep breath.

“I’m never sure of that Ena. Look, we leave for college in a year and who knows if we’ll be together then?” He lied.

He’s lying for first time. Well, it’s not his first time lying to me, but it’s the first time it actually made my heart feel like a piece of meat, just beating so I could live, not so I could love.

“You’re lying to me,” I choked out, my tear daring to push through my eyes.

His eyes looked watery.

“No, I’m not.” He replied, not looking into my eyes.

“Yes, you are Charlie. I know when you are. You aren’t looking at me,” I explained.

“How do I know if you’re lying?! Huh?! You can lie like a criminal. I can never tell.” He said harshly, looking straight into my eyes full of anger.

So that’s what it is. He thinks I’m lying to his all the time since he can’t tell whether I’m telling the truth r not. I always look like I’m truthful.

“That means I never lie,” I say.

“You can never lie, Serena,”

Looking down at the maple flooring, I try to think of what happened between us. We never really had a fight. We have argued, but a fight that hurt never happened.

“So that’s what it is. You’re scared that I’m not honest through this whole relationship, right?” I don’t look at him, afraid I’d break down at the sight of his face.

“Yes,” he voice cracked.

Lifting my head up slowly, I caught him staring at me. He face was the most depressing thing I’ve seen for a long while.

“Well I’m not. I love you Charlie, and it’s true. I would never want to hurt anyone I love. That’s why I lie at times, just at times. I know, lying does hurt when you find out it’s a lie, but that’s why you’ll never find out, because I care about you too much, I love you too much to hurt you. But I’ve never lied about anything big and important to us. I never lied to you about our relationship. Only when you asked me if I liked your outfit on our first date. It was horrible but I never knew I would fall for you,” I said quickly, tears falling down my cheeks.

I wasn’t lying the whole time. I never cry when I lie. So, I told the truth.

His hand pressed against my cheeks as he wiped the tears that stranded the barrier in my eyes. I shivered at his touch, loving the feeling of his skin on mine. He was so soft and delicate anytime he was near me.

“I believe you, my outfit was horrible.” He smiled.

Hugging him, I felt a smile prick my cheeks. His warmth was so pleasant. His smile was so contagious; I couldn’t help but smile as widely as I possibly could. My heart was dancing like a ballerina.

“I promise you that was the only time I lied to you because everything else was big and important to me.” I added.

To be honest, I never lied about important things. I never lied about our relationship. I only lied about small things that really didn’t matter. Like that outfit. He really should be glad I told him about that. It was as if he dressed for a hippie costume party!

“I believe you Serena, I really do.” He still sounded a bit sad though.

Pulling away, I scanned his face for any evidence. He was still upset, his eyes dodging mine and his smile real weak.

“You’re still upset. What’s really going on?” I asked, holding his face in my hands.

“Nothing,” he sighed.

“Charlie,” I said.

Picking up his gaze, his eyes fell on mine and the next second he looked away. My heart hurt from that second.

“Come on Charlie, what’s going on!? It’s better to tell me now rather than later or even never. It’ll make you feel better, I promise.” I smile, letting his face go.

“I’m moving,” he spit out, his shoulders falling.

Talk about a boulder lifted off your shoulders. Wait. Did he just say I’m moving…?!

----------------------------------------------

So far so good? It was a forced start... but tell me how I did. :)


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532 Reviews


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Sun Jul 28, 2013 8:05 am
ArcticMonkey wrote a review...



Hiya Nike! This is looking a bit shy of reviews, you've already gotten one good review so I'll try to add to that.

I liked how this piece consisted of primarily two characters and you learn so much about them through their dialogue and speech with each other, rather than bluntly saying stuff. They don't seem to have the most perfect relationship, which is great to be honest, because the perfect relationship doesn't really exist does it. The last bit ends nicely and leaves a cliff-hanger for the rest, I hope to read more!

Something specific here that bothered me was how willing Charlie was to believe Serena that she did actually spend the time getting her present. Even if he is so crazy in love with her I still would've expected some spark of doubt within him- and if he's been scared in the past to speak up maybe him moving will give him the courage to finally speak up? Also i don't get how Serena's view of him and the relationship changed so quickly. Is it just that she's one of those people who wants the one they can't have? It seemed a tad unrealistic.

There was a lot of big bits of dialogue without anything in between. Remember with dialogue you're not actually showing what they say, but how they react. Maybe Serena gets so shocked that she ends up getting up, or Charlie stumbles over his words. What has the mum got to say in all of this, even if she's not in the room I imagine her eavesdropping on the whole thing. So yeah, just make sure that you don't leave great bits of dialogue by themselves.

Lastly, if there's anything to add I agree and say a bigger backstory. Not only for future chapters, but here I'd like to see more of an anecdote/flashback type thing to show how strong their relationship once was and how 'in it' Serena felt because right now I feel they're drifting? Or, it's only been 5 months, so maybe they were just never in love in the first place, hmm?

Overall, this was very intriguing and I'd love to read more so please let me know if you post anything else! Some improvements is to make sure that their relationship doesn't contradict in different parts of the story, and maybe add a wee bit of backstory. I hope this review helped, please feel free to PM me with questions or if you'd like another review.

Just keep writing!
-Arc x




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933 Reviews


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Sun Jul 28, 2013 4:54 am
Iggy wrote a review...



No reviews?! Well, we'll just have to fix that, won't we?

Hi, Nike. Since your Secret Santa didn't deliver those two reviews, Santa's elf is here to help. :)

Okay, so first off, we can tell how crazy Charlie is for Serena, and that she isn't that obsessed with him. I mean, who forgets the dates? I know the cliche rumors than husbands forget their wedding day, but I never thought a woman would forget. :P

I like that we can relate to Charlie, feel pity for him and generally wish he was our boyfriend. Serena has the potential to be disliked, since she's a comulsive liar, forgetful, and seems like she doesn't love her boyfriend as much as he loves her.

One thing I encourage you to do is give more background history, should you continue to add chapters. How did they meet? How old are they? What grade are they in? Where is this set?

That last sentence, I feel, could be edited. Instead of telling us a boulder was lifted off her shoulders, describe it. Say she felt her shoulders relax, or felt them untense. But be sure to say that she stiffens or such, because she just realized what he said. Make it more realistic, y'know?

All in all, this has peomise. It had a nice flow, and the title has me very curious. Don't tell me the bowling ball is the dirty little secret! Tell me it's something juicier! I encourage you to continue with this.

Just keep writing!

~ Iggy.





I have hated words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right.
— Markus Zusak, The Book Thief