Published February 2, 2012
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137,419 Literary Works • 672,008 Reviews
Hello there, Lashea. In the name of the Knights of the Green Room and our Most Sacred and Tireless Quest to ensure that no works go unreviewed in the realm of the Literary Area, here I have come to free your long unreviewed piece from its state of reviewlessness on this fine Review Day. I hope you don’t mind. :3
Plurals don't have apostrophes. The only time you add an apostrophe s is when something has possession of, or owns, another thing.
Having such a basic error in this piece, especially since it's repeated and thus not a one-time slip up, really hurts this poem as a whole. Because poems are so short, especially poems like this, every single word and piece of punctuation really counts, which is also why every single little error really, really hurts.
Overall, this piece was really... vague. There isn't much else I can say about it as each stanza introduces a new idea, which is fine, but then those ideas are never really explored or developed. They're basically just introduced and dropped until the brief reference at the end.
It left me wondering what the connection between all those ideas was supposed to be, or if there was even a connection at all. All the ideas are so scattered and just barely mentioned, and so there's no feeling of this poem being a complete whole. Instead, it feels like a whole bunch of items shoved together haphazardly and just called a poem.
So, you really need to show the connections between all the ideas in this poem. Why are you talking about these specific things instead of other things? How do they relate to each other? If you can show these things and answer these questions, this poem will be much stronger for it.