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This Is What I Know

by Lashea

Life is a hollow thing
Where you live in mystery
Hoping for a better future,
While you still live in the past

Dream's are just fairy tales
Where you wish to become,
in becoming something new
While you wake to reality

Death is said to end pain
Where a loved one dies,
You celebrate and mourn,
While You all go insane

Friends show their true self
Where are those people now.
Oh dear enemies you say,
While you wonder about

This is what I know..

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1220 Reviews

Points: 72525
Reviews: 1220

Sun Feb 24, 2013 9:48 pm
Kale wrote a review...

Hello there, Lashea. In the name of the Knights of the Green Room and our Most Sacred and Tireless Quest to ensure that no works go unreviewed in the realm of the Literary Area, here I have come to free your long unreviewed piece from its state of reviewlessness on this fine Review Day. I hope you don’t mind. :3

Dream's are just fairy tales

Plurals don't have apostrophes. The only time you add an apostrophe s is when something has possession of, or owns, another thing.

Having such a basic error in this piece, especially since it's repeated and thus not a one-time slip up, really hurts this poem as a whole. Because poems are so short, especially poems like this, every single word and piece of punctuation really counts, which is also why every single little error really, really hurts.

Overall, this piece was really... vague. There isn't much else I can say about it as each stanza introduces a new idea, which is fine, but then those ideas are never really explored or developed. They're basically just introduced and dropped until the brief reference at the end.

It left me wondering what the connection between all those ideas was supposed to be, or if there was even a connection at all. All the ideas are so scattered and just barely mentioned, and so there's no feeling of this poem being a complete whole. Instead, it feels like a whole bunch of items shoved together haphazardly and just called a poem.

So, you really need to show the connections between all the ideas in this poem. Why are you talking about these specific things instead of other things? How do they relate to each other? If you can show these things and answer these questions, this poem will be much stronger for it.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
— Groucho Marx