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Never Complete

by Giselle97

Born whole but not full
Raise right but feel wrong,
Always looking from a distant
Always frowning while other are
Tears spill from these lifeless eyes
Stars brighten in their joyful
Body emptied as a shell
Soul hanging looking down,
Skin is reap from its color
heart is sunking to its corner,
The corner that separate me
from others,
Let the darkness consume me
Becuase even without it
I am never fully 

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Sun Feb 24, 2013 9:40 pm
Kale wrote a review...

Hello there, Giselle97. In the name of the Knights of the Green Room and our Most Sacred and Tireless Quest to ensure that no works go unreviewed in the realm of the Literary Area, here I have come to free your long unreviewed piece from its state of reviewlessness on this fine Review Day. I hope you don’t mind. :3

Raise right but feel wrong,
Always looking from a distant

There are a lot of errors in this poem with regards to verb forms and similar-sounding words. I've quoted these two lines in particular because they illustrate both issues.

Corrected for grammar, I'm guessing they would read:

Raised right but feeling wrong
Always looking from a distance

With that said, even if this poem had no grammar errors, it would still read as fairly bland and generic. Right now, all the images you have and the ways you expressed the emotions in this are very common and you haven't really done much to express things in a more unique and less common fashion. You had a start with the contrast between empty/full and right/wrong, but instead of developing those contrasts, you went on to talk about tears and lifeless eyes, and a whole bunch of other images that I see all the time everywhere.

Imagery is what poetry thrives upon, and unique imagery is what really makes a poem memorable. Right now though, the imagery you have is not unique, and so this poem fades into the sea of similar poems instead of standing out and revealing your uniqueness as a poet.

Rather than use the first description or words that come to your mind, I recommend writing them down, and then finding ways that do not involve using those words or descriptions to describe whatever it is you're writing about. You might be surprised at the result, and so will your readers.

The man who never makes a mistake always takes orders from one who does.
— Anonymous