Hello there, PrincessLaLa. In the name of the Knights of the Green Room and our Most Sacred and Tireless Quest to ensure that no works go unreviewed in the realm of the Literary Area, here I have come to free your long unreviewed piece from its state of reviewlessness on this fine Review Day. I hope you don’t mind. :3
First things first, you have an error in your first line:
The biting of it icy flakes
"It" should be "its". It might seem like a little thing, but first impressions are very important, and having an error in the first line of your piece is a great way to give your readers a bad first impression of your writing skills. Also, because this is a poem, every single error, tiny as it may seem, really does a lot of damage to the piece as a whole. Every word and piece of punctuation in a poem is extremely important because poetry is such a condensed form of writing, and so each and every error is magnified in a poem.
Another thing to keep in mind is your word choice. Because every word in a poem is so important, you want to make sure that every word in your poem is pulling as much weight as the next. If a word isn't, or if it's weaker than the others, that word brings down the rest of the line, and sometimes poem, with it. For this reason, it's a good idea to avoid using lots of pronouns and adverbs in your poetry, as they tend to be weaker than other alternatives.
For example, instead of using "it" in the second line, you could possibly rework the first two lines to something like this:
The bite of icy flakes
is harsher than their beauty
At the very least, be careful with your pronouns in particular as they can lead to confusion as to what it is you're even talking about.
Points: 72525
Reviews: 1220
Donate