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The Secret Life of Superheroes

by Charlie II


Batman yawned and stretched his arms; Robin did the same.
Both of them were getting tired: they're been up late again.

The bad guys had been beaten; there was nothing left to do.
What else was there to pass the time? They both were feeling blue.

Clark Kent slouched lower in his chair, and finished off his drink.
Maybe, when he'd watched the game, he'd fly it to the sink...

“Or maybe not!” he thought aloud, and threw it on the pile.
Robin giggled, Batman laughed; they'd been drinking for a while.

Then all at once the feeling changed, red lights began to flash!
Heavy steps approached outside, then an almighty CRASH!

The Hulk stomped in and raised his voice: “Get up you guys – it's day!
Time to get this mess cleared up! Guess who are on their way!”

Everyone leapt to their feet, their motion all a blur.
Batman hoovered, Robin swept, to clean up quick for Her.

They scrubbed and polished, straightened, mopped;
Tidied, neatened, freshened, stopped …
… Then dusted, ironed, folded clothes;
Watered flowers, goodness knows!

But in a moment all was clear, the evidence was gone.
The proof was cleaned away from sight – they hadn't taken long!

And when the doorbell rang at last, they heaved collective sighs.
The only thing that Heroes fear are Super Hero Wives!


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Sun Jan 27, 2013 12:22 am
Rydia wrote a review...



Charlie! This is funny, I like you :D

Specifics

1.

Both of them were getting tired: they're been up late again.
Just a silly typo - they're should be they'd.

2.
Maybe, when he'd watched the game, he'd fly it to the sink...
This one took me a few reads to get my head around it. I think you don't want the first comma as that's breaking up the flow and my mind doesn't want to read it that way. Actually, I think changing that would fix it. It's just the confusion of pausing there when there was no pause in the previous line.

3. I can really not fault this. The rhythm of these lines and the humour are spot on!

4. This part's a little rough!
Heavy steps approached outside, then an almighty CRASH!

The use of 'then' isn't working for you as it's too weak after the pause. Maybe 'and' would be slightly better. Try reading it out loud.

5. I think 'guess' is too mild in the next line as it doesn't give me a sense of fear or worry so I get confused when next everyone is like 'oh no, oh no!" Maybe 'Time to get this mess cleaned up! You know who's on the way!' would give it a little more force? I also think cleaned works slightly better. It's only a small shift in tone but sounds a little more natural.

6.
Everyone leapt to their feet, their motion all a blur.
Batman hoovered, Robin swept, to clean up quick for Her.
I can understand why the switch in tempo here but it's too sudden and really throws the reader. Everyone doesn't work. Maybe 'The men jumped to their feet; their motion all a blue' Or boys?

7. The next stanza is lovely! I do like the change in tempo, I just feel the transition needs to be smoother so it doesn't happen all at once in that first word.

Overall

Brilliant. There's hardly anything to criticise at all and I had a good giggle over this and really I'm just nit-picking over the rhythm.

I have one thing left to say... marry me?

<333




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Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:59 am
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Animal wrote a review...



I have already reviewed this poem and I was not a good reviewer at that time so I will review it properly now,


Charlie II wrote:Batman yawned and stretched his arms; Robin did the same.
Both of them were getting tired: they're been up late again.

The bad guys had been beaten; there was nothing left to do.
What else was there to pass the time? They both were feeling blue.


Oh, the rhyming and the wording are perfect. The heroes life beyond have been captured that they take rest.

Charlie II wrote:Clark Kent slouched lower in his chair, and finished off his drink.
Maybe, when he'd watched the game, he'd fly it to the sink...

“Or maybe not!” he thought aloud, and threw it on the pile.
Robin giggled, Batman laughed; they'd been drinking for a while.


I feel ashamed for not knowing who Clark Kent are but if you use Bruce instead of Batman, it will go well. Oh I like Bruce Wayne better than Batty. And I like the idea that they have this funnier side.

Charlie II wrote:Then all at once the feeling changed, red lights began to flash!
Heavy steps approached outside, then an almighty CRASH!

The Hulk stomped in and raised his voice: “Get up you guys – it's day!
Time to get this mess cleared up! Guess who are on their way!”


The words which capture the entry of Hulk are awesome and I love them and still we have not guessed, that who were on their way, so that leaves some space for suspense.

Charlie II wrote:Everyone leapt to their feet, their motion all a blur.
Batman hoovered, Robin swept, to clean up quick for Her.

They scrubbed and polished, straightened, mopped;
Tidied, neatened, freshened, stopped …
… Then dusted, ironed, folded clothes;
Watered flowers, goodness knows!


Shouldn't it be 'leaped' instead of 'leapt' in the first line.
But still it is good. And the four lines which are together, shouldn't be together 'cause don't go random on a poem like this. It should be in two and two lines. I think you ran out of rhyming words here but good that there is continuous suspense when you say 'Her'

Charlie II wrote:But in a moment all was clear, the evidence was gone.
The proof was cleaned away from sight – they hadn't taken long!

And when the doorbell rang at last, they heaved collective sighs.
The only thing that Heroes fear are Super Hero Wives!


Oh, How I loved this para. I will not say much about her because already I like it, it is so perfect and so humorous and so ridiculous(Of course in a cute way)

And my grand total is
Oh, How I loved this poem. I will not say much about her because already I like it, it is so perfect and so humorous and so ridiculous(Of course in a cute way)




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Thu Jan 03, 2013 5:54 pm
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Songwriter wrote a review...



I loved this poem!! :)

It has good structure and is well written :)

I like this part:

"But in a moment all was clear, the evidence was gone.
The proof was cleaned away from sight – they hadn't taken long!"

Well done! Keep it up!! :D




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Mon Dec 24, 2012 9:39 am
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mastersanskar wrote a review...



Hi there,
This is the the wittiest and humorous and... ran out of words
By the way it is the greatest poem I have read in a while
It's just so amazing
I think you won't mind if I create my own version of it

And when the doorbell rang at last, they heaved collective sighs.
The only thing that Heroes fear are Super Hero Wives!

Love This Line




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Mon Dec 05, 2011 7:59 pm
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Deanie wrote a review...



Hi Charlie!

I loved this poem to bits! It was really funny and entertaining to read. It all flowed well and I you are really great with rhyme. The story was great and... there is not much more I can say on this. I found it perfect in every way and I wish I wrote it myself!

ah, the envy XD

Deanie x




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Sun Dec 04, 2011 8:07 pm
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Thalizar wrote a review...



Hey! Thalizar Here!

Honestly, this is one of the best poems I've read in a while. It's got rhythm, fluency and a story. I didn't check for rhymes, but I felt that there was definitely some sort of little beat to it! The idea that they all live together reminds me a lot of the Avengers or something along similar lines, Justice League etc.
There isn't much I can find to nit-pick (I am tired though, so keep that in mind! There is ALWAYS room for improvement. I had a teacher who would never give anyone an A because you could ALWAYS improve, remember that!)
Anyway! Keep it up! I enjoyed it a lot!




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Tue Nov 29, 2011 6:51 pm
murtuza wrote a review...



Hey, Charlie!

I'm chuckling aloud as I'm writing this review. To find our favourite superheroes in these types of situations is both endearing and funny as can be. The last stanza was pure gold!

Makes me wonder what butch and the other ruffians are like on an off day as well. Keep the ink flowing, my friend!

Murtuza
:)




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Tue May 03, 2011 8:58 pm
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Teelee3445 says...



i liked your poem very much. i love comics and the fact that you made it into poetry was very interesting. very good descriptions i must say. although this is some errors but not enough to take away from you poetic genius. lol keep up the good work




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Sun Apr 10, 2011 2:35 pm
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strawberrypop13 wrote a review...



Wow! I am a big fan of comical poetry (although I can't write it at all XD ) and this was absolutely amazing! I couldn't find anything wrong with it, so congratulations on a fantastic and entertaining piece of work: you should be very proud of it! :)
~strawberrypop13




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Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:59 am
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JabberHut says...



I was kinda hoping for Wonder Woman to be the one at the end. XD But it was still amusing!




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Tue Apr 05, 2011 3:26 am
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darkangel_05 says...



It's so funny and simple and oh so GREAT.




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Tue Apr 05, 2011 1:09 am
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Glauke says...



This is a very lighthearted, humorous story! Love it! And oh-so-true!




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Mon Apr 04, 2011 12:28 am
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Gracie wrote a review...



Hey there.

I love this. I’m a big fan of comic poetry and light-hearted stuff, so this ticked all the boxes for me. The concept is brilliant and it flows perfectly, good job, you should be very proud.

The only thing that bothered me was the longer stanza at the end, it just messes up the structure a bit, besides that very good.




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Sun Apr 03, 2011 11:17 am
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hey... It was such a funny and good poem that I just couldn't find anything wrong... very well written:)




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Sat Apr 02, 2011 4:50 am
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PaulClover says...



This is the greatest poem to ever be written ever.

That is all.




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Sat Apr 02, 2011 1:42 am
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Qoh16 wrote a review...



I thought this was so funny! haha.

#FF0000 ">The only thing that Heroes fear are Super Hero Wives!

I loved the last line!! :D




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Fri Apr 01, 2011 8:01 pm
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HorsebackWriter wrote a review...



Charlie II wrote:Batman yawned and stretched his arms; Robin did the same.
Both of them were getting tired: they're been up late again.

The bad guys had been beaten; there was nothing left to do.
What else was there to pass the time? They#FF0000 "> both were feeling blue. #0000FF ">Later on you say Clark is there #0000FF ">as well, so you might want to change this word to 'all'.

Clark Kent slouched lower in his chair, and finished off his drink.
Maybe#FF0000 ">, when he'd watched the game, he'd fly it to the sink... #0000FF ">I don't think you need a comma here.
“Or maybe not!” he thought aloud, and threw it on the pile.
Robin giggled, Batman laughed; they'd been drinking for a while.

Then all at once the feeling changed, red lights began to flash!
Heavy steps approached outside, then an almighty CRASH!

The Hulk stomped in and raised his voice: “Get up you guys – it's day!
Time to get this mess cleared up! Guess who#FF0000 ">'s #FF0080 ">are on their way!” #0000FF ">Maybe #0000FF ">you should cut out the 'are'.

Everyone leapt to their feet, their motion#FF0000 ">s all a blur.
Batman hoovered, Robin swept, to clean up quick for #FF0000 ">Her. #0000FF ">I don't think this makes sense.
They scrubbed and polished, straightened, mopped;
Tidied, neatened, freshened, stopped …
… Then dusted, ironed, folded clothes;
Watered flowers, goodness knows!

But in a moment all was clear, the evidence was gone.
The proof was cleaned away from sight – they hadn't taken long!

And when the doorbell rang at last, they heaved collective sighs.
#FF0080 ">The only thing that Heroes fear are Super Hero Wives!
#0000FF ">This line rocks!




OK, there was harldy anything worng with this poem. And I liked it, it was funny, upbeat, and kept me laughing. There a just some grammar things that I would change, but even if you don't this poem still rocks, I just thought I'd point them out. One thing aboutme is that I'm honest, and I really think that changing those things would make the poem better, but then again, if you don't that's alright with me to.


Keep Writing!,


#000000 ">HorsebackWriter




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Fri Apr 01, 2011 6:30 pm
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LadyFreeWill wrote a review...



Charlie II wrote:They scrubbed and polished, straightened, mopped;
Tidied, neatened, freshened, stopped …
… Then dusted, ironed, folded clothes;
Watered flowers, goodness knows!

But in a moment all was clear, the evidence was gone.
The proof was cleaned away from sight – they hadn't taken long!

And when the doorbell rang at last, they heaved collective sighs.
The only thing that Heroes fear are Super Hero Wives!


That's so funny! I liked this poem! It was so cute!




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Fri Apr 01, 2011 12:07 pm
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Demeter wrote a review...



Hi, Charliezard!

I love it. xD Especially the ending. Your rhymes are tight and the flow is overall really good -- the only thing that kind of bothered me (but not too much) was the longer stanza toward the end. Even though the rhythm in it was nearly smoother than the whole rest of the poem, it was slightly strange how you only had couplets in the poem until suddenly there's this long one.

Also, I probably shouldn't let the fact that you have "Her" where it actually should be "them" bother me too much -- I'm really just going out of my way to find something constructive to say about this, since it was such a fun read!

I'll be looking forward to your NaPoWriMo :P


Demeter
x




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Thu Mar 31, 2011 2:56 am
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Matthews says...



I love this! Nothing to nit-pick! It was humorous and light. A very enjoyable read. :)




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Wed Mar 30, 2011 12:51 pm
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lele253isme wrote a review...



I love this, very funny. These are my favorite lines:

They scrubbed and polished, straightened, mopped;
Tidied, neatened, freshened, stopped …
… Then dusted, ironed, folded clothes;
Watered flowers, goodness knows!

But in a moment all was clear, the evidence was gone.
The proof was cleaned away from sight – they hadn't taken long!

And when the doorbell rang at last, they heaved collective sighs.
The only thing that Heroes fear are Super Hero Wives!


I love this, I am going to start reading narrative poetry more!!!!





It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.
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