I remember my mother telling me, “Rayna, in this world there is good and there is evil. There is no in between.”
Somehow, I saw straight through her. Her tone and attitude about my beliefs made me sense a hint of doubt in her voice. I remember thinking to myself how ridiculous that sounded.
As an inquisitive child, I asked her, “How can there be no balance? How can you control the darkness without light? How is their light if there is no darkness? Shadows do not exist without light. Beams do not shine without the dark. They should be working together to create harmony, not separated and kept in balance alone. It simply isn’t possible."
She simply never had an answer. Each time I questioned it, I was shrugged off and the topic was avoided. She would sweat and look away from me as if she were hiding something. I was too young to see that so I shrugged it off too.
Despite her different morals, she was a wonderful mother to me. I blame it on the Elders, embedding in the young elves head that darkness is evil and should be avoided. I always looked at them and questioned their reasoning. And the same result always came about with my father having to take me home from the library.
“Father, they just don’t understand!” His grip around my hand would tighten inside his rigid hands. They were hands of a true leader, firm in what they stood for. “Rayna! Enough of this interrogation! You are constantly questioning some of the smartest beings in all of Tarron. You claim to know more than them?!” His eyes were clearly frustrated as I wept. My childish whining would continue everyday as my father drug me to my chambers, demanding that I sit in silence and read the books I was given. Every time now, that old cedar wood door closes, I still hear inside my head my father’s sighs in frustration and my mother’s weeping.
“What a stubborn girl she is! No matter how many times she is thrown in her chambers, she still finds the audacity to question the logic of her superiors!” My mother would weep harder the more my father would yell. His yells reverberated against the walls of my room, reminding me of his power. My mother’s soft, consoling voice was constantly overpowered with his booming cries of anger. I didn’t mind, in fact, it only drove me more to stand up for what I believed in just like my father. I wanted to be powerful and preach to the people of Alderheart that there can be balance in the hands of good. The Elders were just too simple minded to allow me to speak my mind. I was determined to prove to them, and my father, that it was possible.
I thought, being the only heir to the throne, my voice would be louder. But my voice was almost a whisper to my father. The only one who heard it was my mother, Rosemarie Elderwood. When I was a child, I remember loving to sit by her bed, her feminine hands rubbing my back as she read me stories. Her voice was almost as beautiful as she was. Everyone in Alderheart knew of my mother's beauty. Her pale rose hair combined with her hazy blue eyes made every elven man envyed my father. However, I most admired her beautiful personality. My mother was, and still is the most humble queen Alderheart has ever had. Her humble nature and her admiration for her kind made everyone have a peace of mind as they slept in our village, for they knew they were in her and my father’s hands.
My father was a force to be reckoned with, being he was a powerful being. He was firm in his beliefs and saw a direct future for our village. Unlike my mother, he was always a man known to have sharp, sophisticated features. I always laughed as a child when I noticed my father’s hair was much longer than my mother’s short rose hair. He always stood tall and raise his voice when he spoke to provide emphasis. It made the people have a respectable fear of him. Somehow, he never struck fear in me rather, he inspired me to be as strong as him. I was the annoying child who followed my father to speeches and spied on meetings held in our dining hall.
I always admired our villages charm because of its charm and beauty at night. The town square lights shone the brightest at dusk from my chamber window. I remember asking my mother how they shone so bright. She told me, “They are filled with shimmerstone. It’s a mineral only found at the heart of Alderheart for it only grows where evil is not. I looked down at her soft hands to see a small jar full of a bright, glowing stone. The light inside me decided to burst when I asked, “But why does it shine brightest right as the sun goes down?” Her eyes widened as they diverted to my window. She placed her hands on the ledge and gazed down at the town. Her eyes soon turned into awe as she admired the beauty I saw.
I walked over to her and tugged on her royal blue dress. The silk tickled my hand as she knelt down, “Yes Rayna, what is it?” I pulled closer to her ear and whispered, “I know why…” My mother giggled at my innocent voice and played along. Her breath in my ears echoed a sweet melody, “Why do they shine so bright Rayna?”
“Because all lights shine brighter where there is darkness.”
She instantly pulled away at the sound of my father’s knocking on the door. She looked down at me and pressed her finger to her lips, “Do not repeat that. Please Rayna…” I went to retaliate, but I stopped myself. For once in my life, I decided not to speak my mind. Why?
I always thought it was just me trying to protect my mother. If father knew what we spoke about that night in my chambers, he would never forgive her for allowing my ignorant mind to wander to darkness. But no matter how many times from that day forward that I tried to dismiss my thoughts, they always came back. In my reading, in my studying and in my dreams they almost haunted me. The more I grew, the stronger these dreams got.
The most memorable dream I had was of two wolves chasing each other in a forest. One was a wolf whiter than snow, the other was a wolf as black as night. They were chasing each other in a circle. Over and over, they never caught up to each other. They weren’t trying to catch each other, but rather they were creating a cycle. A never ending cycle of light and dark chasing each other. I told my mother of this reoccurring dream, but she implored me to dismiss it and focus on my studies. And so I tried to ignore my passion for the justice of the darkness and the light coming together. I tried to tell myself that there wasn’t anything I could do about it. Year after year though, these thoughts grew louder and louder. Until the day of my 18th birthday…
...
“Rayna!” I heard my name coming from the dining hall. One of the maids motioned me to hurry up and head to my mother, patiently waiting for my appearance. The 18th birthday for a princess was always a great deal to the village, for it meant I was finally becoming a woman.
My voice would finally be heard.
I quickly checked my neatly braided hair. One of my favorite maids, Elaine, loved to dress me as if I were her own. Not many of the maids in the castle were married, allowing them to work full time and live in the maid house. I made it a point to always thank them and treat them with the utmost respect.
“Thank you, Elaine. It looks beautiful.” I said, admiring my reflection in the large floor mirror, embellished with a gold trim.
“You look like an absolute jewel my sweet Rayna. It saddens me to see you grow so fast. Why, I remember when you were a little girl as if it were yesterday.” Elaine wiped a tear with her white handkerchief and pat me on the shoulder.
“You shouldn’t keep your mother waiting. You know how excited she is to see your new dress.”
I nodded and embraced Elaine, “Thank you. For everything.”
She took a deep breath and turned me around, “Now, go!” I too breathed in and emerged from the double doors into the dining hall. My mother, waiting by the main entrance, smiled over at me. With her hands placed elegantly on her cheek as she cried, “My my! Rayna you look like a true princess!” I smiled silently and slowly walked over to her. I maintained my posture to add to my elegance. However, my mother was by far the most elegant woman to walk Tarron. Her posture was excellent and her voice was that of an angel. I strived to be a woman like my mother.
“Thank you mother. Elaine picked this dress out. I think it suits me well, don’t you think?” I twirled the large purple dress, the deep ruffles dancing under the chandelier. She laughed at my attempt to be ladylike and placed her soft hands on my shoulders, “You will do fine. Any daughter of mine will make a fine queen.” I smiled sadly, “Yes mother.” She looked around for my father as she leaned into me, “No matter what you decide to do, I will make sure you are safe.” I looked into her eyes with confusion, “What do you mean?”
She sighed, “I know you don’t want to do this yet. And technically, you could decide not to take the throne. I just hope you do what is best for you and Alderheart. Our village is looking to you. Soon, your father and I won’t be here to hold your hand.”
I looked down, “No matter what I choose, once you and father pass, I will be forced to take the throne as the only heir.” She whispered into my ear, “Well then, what’s the rush to do it today?” Before I could question her meaning, my father’s footsteps echoed in the room. The marble clicking against his shoes filled my heart with sudden panic, something I rarely felt before.
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