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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Magnificent Manhattan

by Ben123


Magnificant Manhattan

A whirlwind of sound engulfs you the second you step out of the illustrious yellow cab. New York- an uproar of sirens and car horns that tingle your senses in a city orchestra of sounds. The illuminated bright flashing lights can send you dizzy.

First on my busy agenda was the spectacular Empire State Building reaching 443m high with breathtaking views awaiting you on the 86th floor. I made my way out of the hotel and had no struggle hailing a yellow cab, as thousands horde the road. The Empire State Building did not appear to be too far away, however the constant flow of traffic halted us at every corner making proceedings slower. As we made our journey through the streets of New York , I couldn't help but admire the scenery and gaze at the magnificent buildings towering above me. As soon as we arrived, I was immediately brought back to the real world with the hectic chaos that surrounded me. We made a dash for the door, weaving in and out of the never-ending pedestrians on the sidewalk. The crowds continued inside the impressive entrance hall, but luckily we had a fast track pass that enabled us to dodge the impatient tourists scrambling to have a glimpse of New York’s finest landmarks. The journey to the 86th floor was long and tiring but was worth the effort as the view was one of the finest in New York stretching as far as the naked eye could see . The observation deck was a three hundred and sixty degrees platform that allowed you to see the full beauty of ‘The Big Apple’.

It was difficult to witness all of New York’s landmarks in such a small space of time but we managed to admire some of the most famous New York had to offer. Next on the schedule was the historic Statue Of Liberty , which celebrates the solidarity of two countries, as it was generously gifted to the American nation by France in 1885. On the way to Battery Park , where we boarded the boat to the Statue of Liberty. the taxi driver, a typical New Yorker, and I immediately experienced mutual dislike, as he supported my rival football club in England. Imagine traveling thousands of miles to find your taxi driver has nothing good to say about your beloved team. In fact, we said nothing to each other once we realized we would be sitting on opposite terraces back home. I attempted to use all my methods of persuasion to influence my dad into not tipping the driver, but his generosity got the better of him. We arrived at Battery Park with plenty of time to spare so we decided to explore. There was lots of historical information on the park, which dates back to the early 1600s ; the park is where the real history of New York begins. We boarded the boat and took our place by the window, relishing the sheer beauty of New York City. During the journey I decided to stick my head out of the window, like an excitable puppy, and caught a glimpse of the historic landmark that symbolizes freedom and democracy.

After some time spent? exploring the depths of the statue and then having something to eat, a smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel, we headed back to the boat and went to the next destination, Ellis Island. The island is historically significant to New York, as most of today’s Americans’ ancestors went through Ellis Island to gain citizenship into America. It is also notorious for its harsh treatment of immigrants.

Throughout our stay in New York I was spoilt by the luxuries that the Kimberely Hotel had to offer. The food was mouthwatering and stimulated your taste buds with a wide variety of delicacies. I managed to enjoy healthy portions of food and not worry about weight gain as there was access to a fully equipped gym open twenty-four hours a day ..

A short stroll from our hotel was Central Park, which is full of activities and sports suiting your interests. We decided to go on the boats and explore Central Park in a unique and relaxing fashion. We also wandered down to the famous ‘Tavern On The Green’ which appeared in the well-known film ‘Ghostbusters’. We were expecting a good meal and were not disappointed. We indulged in food while listening to soothing music from a spectacular singer, whose voice soothed our senses.

Overall, my experience in New York was life changing and unforgettable; everything exceeded my expectations and I would undoubtedly do it all again. I will always remember the cacophony of sound that greeted us with each adventure and I would highly recommend that you make the journey and see what this vibrant city has to offer.


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Thu Mar 17, 2016 2:59 am
Steggy wrote a review...



Hello, here for a short review!

A late welcome to YWS. I've never been to New York, but I do wish to sometime in the future. When I was reading this, there was some good points (such as description and interesting facts) and some weak points (the beginning and how you executed the choice of topic). When writing an essay, you want to have a hook that'll drag the reader in. It provides a gateway into what they will be reading. In other words, it holds the key to how the reader will respond when reading this.
You do have a nice beginning but I feel you could perhaps start off with a question. It shouldn't relate back to the reader (using: have you ever felt... for an example). Think outside the box; if you think outside what people might expect, they'll be surprised by what they find or read. Another thing I noticed from your beginning is that it only sets the setting; what are the people like? It does have a sense of description, though, so I give you that.

The next paragraph makes my brain think that this is more of a 'non fictional piece' rather than an essay. An essay, from my point of view, is a written piece that provides your own opinion. For example, if you wanted to do bowling in America, you could provide some key events and your own opinion on those. This piece of work seems to be more based off of your own personal experience rather than your own opinion, if that makes sense.

The crowds continued inside the impressive entrance hall, but luckily we had a fast track pass that which enabled us to dodge the impatient tourists, scrambling to have get a glimpse of New York’s finest landmarks.


the taxi driver, a typical New Yorker, and I immediately experienced mutual dislike, as he supported my rival football club in England. Imagine traveling thousands of miles to find your taxi driver has nothing good to say about your beloved team.


Even though this is some nice info to know about, it doesn't feel quite right within your essay/article.

After some time spent?exploring the depths of the statute and then having we find something to eat, a smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel. We then headed back to the boat and went to the next destination, Ellis Island.


During the journey I decided to stick my head out of the window, like an excitable excited puppy, and caught a glimpse of the historic landmark that symbolizes freedom and democracy.


Overall, this was a nice piece of work. I did enjoy the certain description throughout, but as a suggestion, describe most of the history of New York. If you were to show this to somebody who had no idea about New York, what would you tell them? Capture their attention with some questions or perhaps a factoid.

Steggy




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Mon Mar 14, 2016 8:56 pm
Joshau59737Predator wrote a review...



I like that there was a lot of descriotion

A whirlwind of sound engulfs you the second you step out of the illustrious yellow cab. New York- an uproar of sirens and car horns that tingle your senses in a city orchestra of sounds. The illuminated bright flashing lights can send you dizzy.

I also like it takes place in New York

Overall, my experience in New York was life changing and unforgettable; everything exceeded my expectations and I would undoubtedly do it all again.

I also like that you had a some historyical facts about New York

t was difficult to witness all of New York’s landmarks in such a small space of time but we managed to admire some of the most famous New York had to offer. Next on the schedule was the historic Statue Of Liberty , which celebrates the solidarity of two countries, as it was generously gifted to the American nation by France in 1885. On the way to Battery Park , where we boarded the boat to the Statue of Liberty. the taxi driver, a typical New Yorker

I wonder if he could have put a period instead of a comma

nformation on the park, which dates back to the early 1600s





As if you were on fire from within. The moon lives in the lining of your skin.
— Pablo Neruda