Hello, here for a short review!
A late welcome to YWS. I've never been to New York, but I do wish to sometime in the future. When I was reading this, there was some good points (such as description and interesting facts) and some weak points (the beginning and how you executed the choice of topic). When writing an essay, you want to have a hook that'll drag the reader in. It provides a gateway into what they will be reading. In other words, it holds the key to how the reader will respond when reading this.
You do have a nice beginning but I feel you could perhaps start off with a question. It shouldn't relate back to the reader (using: have you ever felt... for an example). Think outside the box; if you think outside what people might expect, they'll be surprised by what they find or read. Another thing I noticed from your beginning is that it only sets the setting; what are the people like? It does have a sense of description, though, so I give you that.
The next paragraph makes my brain think that this is more of a 'non fictional piece' rather than an essay. An essay, from my point of view, is a written piece that provides your own opinion. For example, if you wanted to do bowling in America, you could provide some key events and your own opinion on those. This piece of work seems to be more based off of your own personal experience rather than your own opinion, if that makes sense.
The crowds continued inside the impressive entrance hall, but luckily we had a fast track passthatwhich enabled us to dodge the impatient tourists, scrambling tohaveget a glimpse of New York’s finest landmarks.
the taxi driver, a typical New Yorker, and I immediately experienced mutual dislike, as he supported my rival football club in England. Imagine traveling thousands of miles to find your taxi driver has nothing good to say about your beloved team.
Even though this is some nice info to know about, it doesn't feel quite right within your essay/article.
After some time spent?exploring the depths of the statuteand then havingwe find something to eat, a smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel. We then headed back to the boat and went to the next destination, Ellis Island.
During the journey I decided to stick my head out of the window, like anexcitableexcited puppy, and caught a glimpse of the historic landmark that symbolizes freedom and democracy.
Overall, this was a nice piece of work. I did enjoy the certain description throughout, but as a suggestion, describe most of the history of New York. If you were to show this to somebody who had no idea about New York, what would you tell them? Capture their attention with some questions or perhaps a factoid.
Steggy
Points: 25891
Reviews: 279
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