Young Writers Society

Hey, so first off I'd like to say that I think the emotions running through the words here are very clear and beautifully sad, but your rhyming needs quite a bit of work. The words you used to form connections on each line were well-thought through, but the pattern you used to put them together wasn't really much of a pattern at all. I've found out that by reading what I write out loud, I can hear the syllables and be able to tell whether or not everything is clicking together well enough for other readers to find a recognizable arrangement in my work. You could try that sometime if you don't already do so. The only lines that I found to have any steadiness to them were these:

"So I'll leave you be,
let you come to me.
You know what they say.
So I'll set you free"

In this you can really find the rhythm. I think that the depth of your openness and easy discoveries in rhyming words is really great and will help you a lot in the future. Thank you for sharing this poem. Always keep writing.

I see one mistake.

"You don't want yo be associated with me."

The "yo" should be "to" but other than that the poem is fine. Bechtel was right, you describe the character's feelings perfectly. Bu for the first half of the poem, is it the same character as the last half or the other person in the relationship? Who was trying to help who, and who leaned on who?

I don't usually read poetry and came by this on pure accident. It was a pleasant surprise. I write and read novels so I'm not entirely sure about the rules concerning grammar and prose when creating poetry but the entire thing was legible and easy to understand. I wasn't left confused.

AS far as the theme, "leaving your relationship in the hands of your partner to fix instead of working to fix it yourself", is a very bad one. The protagonist is kind of lazy, and pathetic. You did a good job portraying her/him.