Published July 22, 2014
How can you say you're okay
How can you say you're fine
When I cry everyday,
And I'm awake every night?
Today is the 365th day
And you still seem to endure life
While I drink my thoughts away
'Cause we're not husband and wife
I mourn our children to be
I mourn you teaching them math
I mourn singing them to sleep
And hearing our children laugh
I miss all the things we did
Like comparing the same stars
I miss your big blue eyes
Your awkward smile, even your scars
If I could only turn back time
And control every single train
I promise I would make you stay
I'd ease your mind, I'd ease your brain
How can you sleep so peacefully
When you know I'm not alone?
I'm drinking out of every bottle
Gasping your name in every moan.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Over all I felt your work was very well written. Almost every line should be ended with a comma, although the first few lines should have been punctuated with a question marks. Only to keep the rhythm of the poem going. Every other aspect of your poem is almost perfect. I think this piece of work is out standing.
Thank you so much! That means a lot to me. *
Knight r4 here to review this poem for you, Jeesheeran. I certainly hope this helps you!
. This really conveys the emotion of the person well.
. Once again I hope this helps and I definitely look forward to reading more of your poetry!! Happy writing!!! 
This poem is probably one of the best poems I have read, especially on YWS. Granted I'm not all that big into poems, but this one was really good. I would definitely read more of your poems if I have the time!
I did have a couple nitpicks. I think that one thing people who write poetry tend to do is fail to use much if any punctuation. If you were to read through it you could find several places where a comma or maybe end mark could be inserted. That just helps the reader know when to pause and so on so they can catch the rhythm of the poem a little bit better.
I also think that you might want to put a rating on this such as twelve because you mention drinking and divorce, even if it is somewhat indirectly.
Overall with a couple of added touches this could be an even better poem than it already is. The words and everything were alright, just add some punctuation to them.
First of all, thank you so much!
Yeah, I'm thinking about putting more punctuation in it, although I was a bit scared it'd take away what I wanted to portray at the time, which isn't the exact same I feel right now, which is less intense, and a bit more.... punctuation. [Bottled laugh]
About the rating, I totally agree with you.
Thank you so much for your review and kind words! <3
You're more than welcome!
Oh my goodness, thank you so, so much!
Wow, I really enjoyed this piece. I could really feel all the emotion this character is expressing. " How can you sleep so peacefully when you know I'm not alone? I'm drinking out of every bottle gasping your name in every moan." I thought that was a very powerful ending and there was such imagery to it. Nice job, keep up the good work!
Thank you so much, that means a lot to me!