Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.
Slumping her shoulders, she tried to forget. It was best if she forgot... it would make for a better story. It would make her more believable. The people here all trusted in the reality of the Female Alpha's existence. Since the fall of the Broken Moon territory--and the 215,000 people that went down with it--everyone was anxious in this city.
Straining her mind, she recalled the name: Violet Rose. What queer names these people came up with for their territories. Some of them were negative, too; like Broken Moon and Shattered Dream, both of which fallen territories. Wouldn't a species facing extinction try and boost moral with names like Happy Bunny and Free Butterfly? Hearing herself think it, she understood why they opted for the more depressing names. After all, who would want to introduce themselves and say 'I'm from the Happy Bunny territory'?
She remembered someone telling her a long time ago that humans embraced the depression that swallowed them. They welcomed the negativity unknowingly, letting it seep into their souls and consume them even as they put on a mask of calm and happiness. Everyday people living everyday lives, and yet there was always a reoccurring thought: when am I going to die? When will our wall fall?
Smirking, she looked up, wincing when she smelled the strong odor of feces and urine. This alley was filled with trash and dirty beggars--even though she could have just thought trash. They were both the same in the end, weren't they?
Filthy.
The word rang out in her mind, reminding her of her purpose. She was done sulking here in an alley, waiting for things to die down. Why let them rest? She needed to take them down as quickly as possible to arouse as much panic as she could. Panic made human minds--so weak and fragile, corrupted with greed and self-preservation--tear apart as they betrayed their own kind to save themselves. No doubt if fear overtook the royal heads of the three remaining territories--including this one--they would slaughter their own people in vain attempts to appease the infamous Female Alpha.
She snorted with laughter, staggering to her feet and wrapping the itchy, torn hooded cloak around her. Such thin clothes she was forced to wear... compared to her previous position in Broken Moon, where she had traded her affections to the King for a lavish life-style, this was Hell. A sleeveless itchy shirt that barely covered her stomach--and needn't bother since there was so many holes in the fabric--combined with ragged green cloth pants fit for war-rags. Strips of cloth were bound around her feet, protecting them--insert extreme sarcasm here--from the hard, sharp cobblestone roads that wound through the poor district. Her hair was covered in grime, and from the stench, it was likely a food item long-since digested and removed from someone else.
"How to go about this..." she muttered, limping down the roads, passing rackety old buildings with rotting straw roofs and crumbling supports. She could become a King's lover again... her blond hair color and pale blue eyes had made her attractive then, she supposed, so why not now? However, that was the point. She had done that last time, and she didn't want to stand out. The King of Violet Rose was married four times over--at the same time. Dirty pig; she wouldn't be able to deal with him. Maybe she could become his adviser, like with Shattered Dream? No... that wouldn't work either. What hadn't she done yet? She had always opted for feeble positions so she wouldn't stand out. Maybe...
Was it finally time to take a position where she was everything but feeble? How about the forever-dreamed-of stance as a cold military leader? The best Elite soldier there was, everyone would trust and admire her. She could stand by the King, gain the peoples' love and affection--more importantly, their trust--and have hundreds of thousands of soldiers at her disposal. Send them in all the wrong places, leave the King vulnerable, burn the cities and farms, and kill them all. Just like the filthy dogs they were. Hounds of greed and a lust for money and power... the very servants of evil. And they called sigNATURE cruel and heartless. One look at this poor district said something different.
Just... filthy.
*****
"My God, look at it!" Varia whispered, peering through the bushes at the large werewolf-looking humanoid beast that sniffed at the air and clawed the bark off of trees. It scooped up a large limb in its jaws an flung its head up and to the left, the tree branch flying a hundred yards away before landing, shattering to pieces. Swallowing hard, Varia glanced at Aether, her team leader. "What do you think; male or female?"
Aether frowned at her, motioning his hands for her to shut up. Angered, she stuck her tongue out at him. He began to form symbols rapidly with his hands, using their improved/highly modified version of sign language that the military had formed for soldiers on the field. It had been the Elites' idea.
It might here you if you don't quiet down. As for female or male, I personally don't give a crap; if you want to waste your time, then why don't you go kill it while I supervise. He signed, smirking.
Yeah, right. Supervise. Translated from leader-talk to Varia's own personal language, that meant: Watch you get your butt whooped while I laugh my own butt off doing absolutely nothing from a safe vantage point.
This is my first Hunt-- She tried to sign back, but he slapped her hands and signed back a correction.
Not a Hunt, a Purge; we shoot to kill, not capture.
Whatever. This is my first Purge--my first actual kill--and I want actual aid.
Too bad; this is good for training. It's how I was taught, and look how I turned out! He grinned, making peace signs with his hands as he waggled his body back and forth in highly-sarcastic movements. She flipped him both of the more nastier fingers, also waggling. He growled, but she only stuck her tongue out again.
He waved her away, motioning her to make the kill. She rolled her eyes, holding back dangerously verbal curses she would highly enjoy screaming in his face. Leaders of small rookie teams like this--especially one-on-one training missions such as this one--weren't supposed to do this. Many of them did anyways, but they were supposed to make several example kills, then aid the rookie with quite a few more before allowing them to kill by themselves. This is how hundreds of rookies die on their first mission; their leader was too lazy and didn't bother helping. Then they got too far away, and something went wrong; the leaders couldn't make it in time.
Knowing there was no way he would listen whether she yelled or signed, she slid the long silver rod from its sheath on her back strap. Pressing her finger against the metal on the left side, she dug her nail into the smooth surface. A small crack appeared, and a piece lifted with a small 'click'. Taking the lightweight and very durable partially elastic cord from the reel that had just ejected from the rod, she pulled it as hard as she could to the other end of the rod, attacking the hook at the end of the string to a clasp on the right end of the rod. The rod bent in the shape of a bow, and a piece of the rod shot up on the back side of the bow, revealing silvery arrows lined with find silver fibers for feathers. Taking one, she drew the arrow against the bow and pulled it back, aiming. As she prepared to aim, a small scope-like device slid out of the rod, self-focusing on what her pupil was looking at.
This silver rod was a highly advanced weapon created by a scientist long ago. It is unknown exactly who made it, only that they created several of the devices and left them at the door of the Main Military Training building in the central parts of the biggest territory. Before that territory, the Fallen Dragon, fell at the hands of the dreaded Female Alpha--the fact that the Fallen Dragon territory fell was an ironic statement that did not escape her--they had developed hundreds of thousands of silver rods, following instructions on how to build them and adding to them. Even while assembling them, the new creators were still unable to determine all that the rods could do. This was still true today; no one knew all of what the rods could do, only that they could be upgraded and that they were very useful since you could carry a potential of hundreds of weapons around with a single rod.
She had often wondered why someone would create something so amazing and not take credit for it. Tilting her head to zoom in on the creature, she searched for the tell-tale marking that she knew was there. Finally, she found it. An intricate, tattoo-like marking that illuminated in the pale light of the setting sun. It rested on the animal's upper left neck, just waiting to be shot. Settling herself inside of the thorny bush--another one of Aether's 'great ideas'--she checked to make sure she hadn't been seen by the beast before pulling the arrow back as far as she could. It was fully drawn, and the strength it took to keep it notched and steady was making her arm tremble.
Out of the back of her mind, she was conscious of Aether sliding away and out of the bush. She didn't think much of it, locking her vision on the Signature that was on the sigNATURE. She remembered her training as best as she could under pressure: aim for the tattoo-like marking on the sigNATURE--dead center if possible--as it was the only way you could kill a sigNATURE.
Exhaling gently until she was completely out of breath, she held her empty lungs closed and released the arrow. She heard the whistling 'thwunk' of the arrow escaping its confinement and releasing itself into the air. Headed straight for the sigNATURE, Varia inhaled sharply, fully expecting to see the sigNATURE fall.
Her heart nearly stop when the creature looked directly at her--and the arrow--bring its arm up and blocking its Signature. The marking seemed to almost glow brighter in happiness at being saved, and the creature's eyes widened viciously as its vision honed in on Varia. She cursed loudly, bailing from her position in the bush as a 500 pound behemoth came barreling toward her on all fours.
She took off in a dead-on sprint, tripping and stumbling as she struggled to maintain speed. The sigNATURE wasn't going to let her escape, however, and chased after her avidly. The thundering sound of massive paws slamming into hardened dirt and dead leaves urged her body to faint. Faint hard and embarrassingly to the ground.
As she circled back around in a hairpin turn, she could have sworn she heard amused, outright laughing from the top of a nearby tree. Knowing him, Aether had likely climbed up to watch the disaster of a spectacle. Had he noticed something wrong with her technique? Had he suspected she would get chased? That jerk had likely left her for safer ground because he wanted to laugh his butt off. Well, as he enjoyed a good chuckle at her expense, she hoped he would slip and fall. Maybe even break his precious face. Wait... could you even break a face?
"My God!" She shrieked as the sigNATURE leapt from behind her, rolling and landing directly in front of her. The black-furred wolf stared at her, startled when she didn't stop her sprint. She...couldn't stop. Panicking, she scrambled to slow herself down, slipping on accursed pine cones and slippery rotting leaves, waving her arms wildly as she lost her balance and hit the sigNATURE head on.
A loud yelp from both human and sigNATURE was the start of a symphony of noises. Her weight throwing them backward, Varia screamed as she and the beast teetered off the edge of a small cliff, followed by a very steep, very never-ending hill. "Damn it!" The sigNATURE clawed her arms, more as an attempt to hold onto something than to fight.
The drop caused her stomach to tighten. Varia had thought she might scream even louder as they fell, but the rush of air took her breath away. She couldn't even whimper; strange. Even the sigNATURE appeared fearful, closing its eyes and bracing for impact. Luckily--for Varia, anyways. The sigNATURE likely had different opinions--the beast landed first, taking most of the fall for her. Just when she thought she just might make it out alive, they started to roll.
Instead of fighting each other--sigNATURE slitting her throat, and Varia stabbing the sigNATURE's Signature--they hugged each other and wailed, getting mouthfuls of dirt and rotting leaves alongside mushrooms and small sticks. Slipping down the slope, both beast and human found themselves banged up by rocks that jutted out from the hillside, low-hanging branches, and thorny shrubs that people dared to every call 'beautiful'. Varia could think of a few particular words to call all three nuisances, but it wasn't appropriate for the time or place.
Finally they bounced painfully to the bottom, gasping for air while spitting out muck. Laying on the ground, the sigNATURE to the far right, Varia to the far left, they were both content with letting each other go. Glancing at the sigNATURE as it morphed back into human form, Varia took one look at the creature's facial expression and found the words 'Screw this, I'm going home' come to mind.
The sigNATURE limped away, and Varia gazed at her back--it was indeed a female--as the fur shed in clumping piles. The woman's black hair was cut short and jagged, her eyes ice-white blue as they peeked back at Varia.
Varia's heart skipped a few beats. Black hair... ice-white blue eyes... a sigNATURE. Was this... the Female Alpha?! "My God, are you--?!"
"Varia, are you dead?" She heard Aether call hopefully. Her face crumpled; she was now depressed. With one last look, the sigNATURE smiled and flashed a particular finger. Varia's jaw dropped.
"Oh my God, did you just-- why you little piece of crap! I'll kill you!" Varia scrambled, struggling to stand up in a flurry of leaves and dirt. By the time she had lifted her clutzy self into a standing position, the sigNATURE was gone, her memory definitely not forgotten. She couldn't believe that the sigNATURE had dared to do that, but... how? How had it even known what that meant? Had it come into contact with humans before?
"What are you doing, dum-dum with a bunch of scum-scum in her hair?" Aether sang, using his rod's grapple function to swing all the way down the hill.
"I hate you, jerk-face." She growled, wiping mud off of her uniform. Having to wear an undershirt, a long coat, a hooded cloak, tight pants, and knee-high boots in this heat sucked. It sucked bad.
Hearing him laugh harder at the use of the term 'jerk-face', a popular word of hers, she chunked a piece of mud at him. He caught it, threw it back, and laughed again when her nose suddenly became brown and three times its size.
"You have no idea... how funny it is... to think of 'brown nose' right now!" He choked, gasping for air as he... what was the word... guffawed? Yep. That about summed it up. "Seriously, though," he sighed, wiping tears away from his eyes as she wiped mud--and the Gods only know what else--from her face. "Did you kill it?"
"It got away." She said flatly, picking up her rod, which she had miraculously held on to the entire duration of the fall, putting it back into its sheath on her back. "I think we should go home now, though. It's getting dark."
"Thank you for stating the obvious. I'm never going to let you forget this, you know." He grinned. "I can still see your face, hugging onto that sigNATURE like a teddy, crying for help like a rabid llama." He wheezed, covering his eyes with his hands. "My God, don't think about it, Aether. You'll just die of laughter... Man, I can't wait to tell the guys!"
"I really do hate you." She hissed, suddenly not ready to go home--back to Violet Rose--at all.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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All right. This is pretty cool. You just earned yourself a follower. I do have a few questions and suggestions.
About the antagonist in the first chapter. This women seems like a misandrist who blames men, collectively, for all the evils in the world, completely overlooking the independent and collective actions of women. This is hate, this is bigotry, this is the making of a fantastic villain. When you blame an entire group for all your woes, just as germany did with the jews, you will become a monster. The excuse the germans used was the fact that there were jewish INDIVIDUALS who raped germany in the bolshevik revolution and the banking scandels during WW1. IT is fallacious, and it is a fascinating transformation that people take when they promote the evils of a few individuals as the evils of a group. You can blame any group for all the worlds evils, any race or gender(Every group has it's garbage). I want to see what you do with these super-amazonians.
I want to hear more about these shapeshifters, and the technology in this world, and the world itself.
A few corrections.
1) Just call it a bow. You are too wordy in the description of the weapon , try to simplify it down. Same things with the wolf.
But I like it. I'm following you now.
Knight Dragon, here to review.
Okay, before I do, I must say that your description of your chapter practically dragged me into this. Female protagonist, Alphas (what are those?), and then sigNATURE draws up these associative feelings of LEPrecon and then Artemis Fowl and....I just gotta read.
Wow. That's actually a really cool opening. But then I run into this:
Um, what? Who's speaking? Where did this come from? Why do we need to know that right now? You were going so strong! And then, block text of expos. Well, now I kinda know what the sigNATURE are, but still...I could have waited. :/
Minor spelling error. Here should be hear.
More exposition. Really, does all of that need to be there?
Okay, so that's the point at which I went, "Nope, over the top." You need to tone down the interaction between the two soldiers. It seems like you're shooting for funny, and you're doing a decent job. But when you take it too far (like that), it comes across as either either trying too hard, or kills the mood/humor. Try and show a little bit more than just the constant picking at each other (otherwise they feel like siblings that won't back off each other).
Otherwise, that's a really strong opening and setup. I liked it a lot.
Keep on writing, and let me know when you get the next chapter up!
Hope this helps!
Pretty good start. Liking the story so far. Some elements remind me of several manga. Your writing style has a lot of personality as well, but sometimes you go a little overboard with that such as the "insert sarcasm here" and "what was the word...guffawed" lines.