Hai! Laure here as requested, did you read my reviewing style before requesting? If not, I tend to kill your work. Prepare for an onslaught, lackey. Because Sarah seems to have already pointed out a lot of the technical things, I'm going to comment mainly on your style and your writing.
"Slice of the she-demon's toes, and feed them to the crows!" shrieked a beggar.
Of should be off.
"You, the Lady Areia Isabetta Myrcella Donatella Echivarria," he declared, "are found guilty of the murders by magic of Professors akd;fjasjfs aksjf;ls and akdjf;als adlk;fjasl and of Malicia guards Sergeant dkaj;flsj, Private klsjf;lasjf, Private skfj;aslj and Private as;flsjl, of grievous bodily harm inflicted, also by magic, upon Professor askjf;sjf, Wzd sjfaskljf;ls, Wz akjdksfja and Wz ajslkfjs;f, and of grievous bodily harm inflicted by the foot to the belly upon Private akl;sjfls;js, of the arson by magic of a historical, listed and sacred building, of the theft of a wizard's staff, of the fraudulent impersonation of your late brother, the Lord Arietto Horatio Paulo Dimitri Echivarria, of fraudulently acquiring a magical license, of practicing magic without a valid license, and of the heinous and accursed crime of witchcraft, of brewing beer whilst under a vow of abstinence, and of acquiring a beard through false means. Do you confess to these crimes?"
Don't know if you're trying to be funny here, but instead of typing in random letters like aoineorinfeoirfnosiemge, if you really can't think of a character name just leave it blank or even a line is better than a series of random letters. It makes your work seem untidy and unprofessional, in fact even if you leave it was Professor or Private. It would have conveyed your meaning perfectly well.
I don't know if you intended this to be a satire novel or a black humour novel or if it is purely historical. If it is historical, then I strongly suggest you to go and do some research on Medieval Europe and their beliefs in witches, and maybe some of their daily routines as well as that. In order to re-create a realistic historical novel, you must have a good understanding of the era in which you're writing in. That includes everything from their daily life, their social hierarchy and how that may affect your story. For example in this chapter, you have students from a Science academy to protest about 'Learning is not a crime.' Now, if this was intended as a parallel novel to our modern society it might have worked, but I'm pretty sure back then. College didn't even exist, in fact, I doubt education would be available if you're not someone who's very high up in the social hierarchy.
Sarah has already pointed this out to you, but I will touch up on it again. It is extremely unlikely that someone like a Lord or Lady would be accused of a witch, they hold power over a lot of people and I don't think unless they have exact proof against them would accuse a Lord or Lady of witchery.
"I acknowledge these actions," murmured the Lady Areia Echivarria brokenly. She took a deep breath, and voice quavering continued. "However, I do not confess to them, for to do so would be to say that I believe I have done some evil, when to the contrary I have fought for what is right and just." She raised her voice above the cheering of the students and the jeers of the crowds. "It would be to say that I am ashamed of my actions, when I will be proud to die for my beliefs, and it would be to give in when I know that the struggle shall go on!"
I found several contradictory elements in this paragraph. First she says she acknowledges them which already implies she has either committed these crimes or knows them. And then, she says that she believes what she fought was right and just. Ok, I have no problem with that but what exactly did she fight for? I don't have a problem with writers hiding their answers because it provides mystery. But here, without knowing what she's fighting for the whole dialogue seems a bit pointless.
I'm going to sum up what I want to say about this chapter here. You've got off an interesting start, the ending held some mystery and some foreshadow as to what is about to come. You've got a nice plot there, and I can definitely see potential brewing within your writing however, these are some of the problems I found while reading.
Telling and not showing. I noticed in here that you tend to narrate and describe a lot of what you're character is doing. I will use one example to demonstrate my point:
Only Evangeline was untouched. Blood flowed from those stood around her, yet not one wing or one beak beat or bit her. The pyre was obscured from vision by the throng of black, blood and carnage; the stench of burning human was overpowered by the rivers of blood. Evangeline's feet felt wet. She looked down and realised she was stood in a puddle of it, a puddle of blood from all different people mingling together, and different body parts floating in it... Was that a finger? And that a tongue? Then Evangeline glanced something else...
Your descriptions above has already narrated everything you want to say. Is static, still. Instead try putting it in action or corporate it into action scenes. Your vocabulary is good, you can put that to good use such as using better word choices in some places.
You wrote, 'the stench of burning human', this doesn't sound or flow that well. Instead, 'the stench of burning human flesh' would work better.
Also, avoid sentences or words that means the same. 'She looked down and realised she was stood in a puddle of it, a puddle of blood from all different people mingling together, and different body parts floating in it... Was that a finger? And that a tongue? Then Evangeline glanced something else..'
Earlier in the same paragraph, you have already mentioned that she was standing at a spot where blood from others flowed around her. So the second part is redundant. The same with the tongues and arms, body parts include those. Also with Evangeline glancing, I think you can use another better word instead of glancing. Glancing doesn't seem to be the right word for this type of context.
The second one is the plausibility of your characters and your novel's setting. I've already mentioned this before so I'm not going to go into much detail. When you write, just try and make your characters as realistic as possible and that means developing them well. You've done an alright job with your characters in this chapter however I would like to see their psychological side as well.
All the best, I look forward to hearing more from this story.
-Laure
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