Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Lyrics » Fanfiction


my bro's parody on "Let it go"

by Messenger, Craz


Eat it up..Eat it up...Eat that breakfast lunch or dinner now.....Eat it up...Eat it up.....Eat it like a selfish cow.....as long as it's food i'm gonna' E-eat it anyway....it's funny how some baken makes everything tatse fine but then most meats that taste good are prolly from a SWI-I-INE. it's tim e too see what's for my lunch..........


Eat it up..Eat it up...Eat that breakfast lunch or dinner now.....
Eat it up...Eat it up.....Eat it like a selfish cow.....as long as it's food i'm gonna' E-eat anyway.....

Here i stand with my frying pa-a-an and some baken too... it's not hard to figure what I will do.....


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
556 Reviews


Points: 2869
Reviews: 556

Donate
Sun Aug 03, 2014 4:21 pm
View Likes
erilea wrote a review...



Haha...just a few issues, Messenger.

I advise you to put this into song writing format, maybe add in the right parts and edit this a little longer, just keep it secret from your bro... :D And I understand the ellipsis were for spaces, and if you don't want the song writing format, just in the second verse the number of ellipsis were too low and too much...and why didn't you capitalize the title? I know this is fun and all, but really?

-wisegirl22




erilea says...


I'm one point away from 2,000. :3



User avatar


Points: 100
Reviews: 0

Donate
Sat Jun 21, 2014 2:42 am
Gawain says...



I enjoyed this, I found myself loading the soundtrack with instrumentals playing only and the words fit in with the tune :3




User avatar
158 Reviews


Points: 3874
Reviews: 158

Donate
Tue Jun 17, 2014 1:39 am
View Likes
Corncob says...



Omigod, I loved this! At first, I read the first few words and I'm like *facepalm*. I'm probably still doing that, but I loved it! Just the right mix of humor and random. Tell your bro I say...KEEP UP THE TALENT!!!!




erilea says...


:D



User avatar
12 Reviews


Points: 456
Reviews: 12

Donate
Thu Jun 12, 2014 11:11 pm
jojoann1 wrote a review...



Can I just say that this is hilarious! I have been obsessed with this song and I think it is funny to see a parody of it. I think that parody's just make the song so funny! When I am humming a parody of a song at school, everyone thinks I am humming the real song! I have not seen a parody of this song until now. I did notice some mistakes:

"and some baken too"

I think that you are trying to spell "bacon" like the food, but I could be wrong. I have found another mistake that I have found:

"....it's funny how some baken makes everything tatse fine"

I noticed you spelled "taste" wrong and I just wanted to point it out to you. There are a couple other tiny mistakes, but I think this was well written.

Keep on writing,
Jojoann1




User avatar
225 Reviews


Points: 3075
Reviews: 225

Donate
Wed Jun 11, 2014 6:39 pm
dogsrule5 says...



This was funny!




User avatar
130 Reviews


Points: 2667
Reviews: 130

Donate
Tue Jun 10, 2014 11:55 pm
Em101cats wrote a review...



Hi there, it's Em101cats here to review!

Brothers. All about food, am I right?


Anyways, nitpicks:

Eat that breakfast lunch or dinner now


I think maybe you didn't mean for a pause to slow the song down, but to make it proper there should be a comma between breakfast and lunch, and maybe lunch and or if you want to go to extremes.

Here i stand with my frying pa-a-an

The "i" should be capital :)

All the "bakens" in this should be either "baking" or "bakin'" or, if you intend for it to be the FOOD then it should be "bacon."

And that's all I saw :D

I must say, I cracked up reading this. Like, I exploded with laughter. Congratulate your brother, by the way, for A. winning a like from Em101cats and B. getting a crazy food-related parody into the featured works! This was wonderful.

Keep up the fantastic and funny writing! And tell your brother to keep up the hilarious songwriting!
~Em101cats~




User avatar
29 Reviews


Points: 1356
Reviews: 29

Donate
Tue Jun 10, 2014 9:56 pm
Spotswood says...



funny, but some parts don't flow well. Anyway, my regards to your brother ;) This was thoroughly amusing.




User avatar
55 Reviews


Points: 240
Reviews: 55

Donate
Tue Jun 10, 2014 12:47 pm
puppys3117 says...



XD




User avatar
19 Reviews


Points: 938
Reviews: 19

Donate
Tue Jun 10, 2014 1:33 am
Mackattack says...



THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




User avatar
35 Reviews


Points: 1166
Reviews: 35

Donate
Tue Jun 10, 2014 12:49 am
Nica says...



THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




User avatar


Points: 369
Reviews: 1

Donate
Mon Jun 09, 2014 4:00 am
alliteddy says...



that's so funny!!!




User avatar
68 Reviews


Points: 2385
Reviews: 68

Donate
Mon Jun 09, 2014 3:29 am
Unique says...



I love this Messy! Beautiful giver your bro a high five from me!




User avatar
60 Reviews


Points: 0
Reviews: 60

Donate
Sun Jun 08, 2014 11:51 pm
View Likes
therealme wrote a review...



Hahahaha :') That's totally something that one of my friends would have done. I love it so much. Coincidentally I'm just about to eat bacon for breakfast… xD I love how you categorised this under Fanfiction and Fantasy rather than Humour hahaha

Okay *breathes* I understand that this parody is supposed to be humorous and silly, but it still is lyrical, therefore it should still be structured like a song.

For example

Eat it up..Eat it up...Eat that breakfast lunch or dinner now.....Eat it up...Eat it up.....Eat it like a selfish cow.....as long as it's food i'm gonna' E-eat it anyway….

could be restructured to look something like this:

Eat it up..Eat it up…
Eat that breakfast lunch or dinner now…..
Eat it up...Eat it up…..
Eat it like a selfish cow…..
as long as it's food
i'm gonna' E-eat it anyway….


Also, I'm not so sure about all those long ellipsis' (…) at the end of each line. I'm not sure whether they're necessary. Perhaps it would be better to use the same punctuation as the original song lyrics? Like this:

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door!


The full original lyrics are here: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/idinamenzel/letitgo.html

However, if you still want to keep them, my advice is to shorten each ellipsis to their proper length of three full stops (or dots).

it's funny how some baken makes everything tatse fine but then most meats that taste good are prolly from a SWI-I-INE. it's tim e too see what's for my lunch......….

I had no idea how this part worked hahaha It seems very long and I wasn't sure whether it was meant to be said super fast (to create humour) or whether I was just reading it wrong. Again, this is another reason why restructuring the lyrics would help.

Here i stand with my frying pa-a-an and some baken too... it's not hard to figure what I will do…..

These are probably my favourite lines xD Although quite a few times in this parody you have written 'baken' when I think you might mean 'bacon'.

As for the parody itself I absolutely love it! I can imagine your bro singing it dramatically with a loud, horrible voice in your kitchen in the morning while sizzling some bacon in a pan on the stove. It's so perfect and I wouldn't change anything about the lyrics.

I hope I was of some help! :)




User avatar
1210 Reviews


Points: 29861
Reviews: 1210

Donate
Sun Jun 08, 2014 11:46 pm
niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there Messenger, Nite here for a review.

Well, I guess you didn't write this, but I'll offer advice anyway.

The main problem with this is that it's kind of incomplete. There's no first verse, second pre-chorus, bridge, or final chorus. Personally, I think a parody (especially for an oft-parodied song like this) is better the more complete it is and the more it fits with the original. This is pretty good as is, but it seems like you could do a lot more with this.

I'm also confused on whether you mean "bacon" when you say "baken".

That said, overall this is funny and fits well with the song. I agree with the others that you should format and fix spelling/grammar. Keep writing! :)




User avatar
179 Reviews


Points: 15489
Reviews: 179

Donate
Sun Jun 08, 2014 11:18 pm
View Likes
r4p17 says...



Hahahahahahahahaha!!! This is hilarious. With all the horrible spellings I almost think Elijah got on YWS and wrote it himself! 'Tis the the most hilarious thing I've read all yer.




User avatar
77 Reviews


Points: 2453
Reviews: 77

Donate
Sun Jun 08, 2014 10:18 pm
Craz says...



Wait Hermzez why am I the co-author of this nonsense xD

And I agree with KnightTeen that the format could have been better, along with the few spelling errors. Like for instance, when I saw "Baken" my first thought was that you misspelled bacon, but then I realized that you just wrote it like baking would be said in a casual way. There's some awkward spacing in there too that a quick revise will fix ;).




User avatar
394 Reviews


Points: 16710
Reviews: 394

Donate
Sun Jun 08, 2014 7:55 pm
View Likes
KnightTeen wrote a review...



Mess, baby, this is....well, a mess.

And I can't really tell if it was intentional or not.

I think that you should clean it up and format more like a poem, correct some of the grammar and stuff.

The content is hilarious and wonderful and brilliant, but I have to admit that I got turned off by all the issues.

Normally, it doesn't bother me, but it does here. That, and all the dots are starting to give me a headache.

And I think that since this is your brother's work (as it says in the title) you need to acknowledge that formally in an authors note.

Aside from all that, I am dying of laughter (even though you can't see me, I swear it's true). I wish this was recorded so that I could play it for my sisters and see what their reaction would be.

~Teen~




User avatar
613 Reviews


Points: 10450
Reviews: 613

Donate
Sun Jun 08, 2014 7:39 pm
View Likes
Messenger says...



there were a few messups like the deleted line before "as long as it's food i'm gonna E-eat it anyway" my bad :(





A Change Once here on Young Writers Society, in chat, chickens wanted variety. They complained to Nate and after debate became funky orangutans silently.
— Mea