Young Writers Society

Hello, I'm here to do a review of your short story. On the whole, it's a great story with a very important message, however there are a lot of issues that need to be dealt with.
First of all you spell Anjum with a lower case A several times, this is just a minor thing which needs fixing.
Secondly, I think you need to set the scene better by describing the events in more detail. You say "She got shocked after the argument," this sentence doesn't help show the reader ow the argument shocked her, it just says she's shocked, but a better way to tell the reader that would be to give a few lines telling what the other person said and what Anjum said in reply. This would also give you an opportunity to develop her character more.
When you describe the way that the men teased her before the rape, perhaps you could include details of what they said and descriptions of how they looked. This would help a lot to help the reader imagine what's going on and empathise with her.
I understand if you might not want to go into too much detail during the rape, but it would help the reader understand why she was driven to suicide if we were given some reference as to how humiliating and horrible it was.
I agree with Iggy that it is slightly unrealistic that no one would help her, that being said I know that it does happen. What is more unrealistic, in my opinion is that she wouldn't at least ask for some kind of help. I would suggest you add something like this, maybe she goes to her Mother and asks for help and she doesn't believe her, or says there's nothing she can do. Then you can use this incident to build up towards her killing herself. Also in your story I don't see how the father would have known that his daughter was raped, if she didn't tell anyone and he never found the men, he wouldn't know.

So this story could be great, it is sad and its message is important, but it doesn't make you feel sad, because there isn't enough emotion in it, we don't know enough about the character's feelings. If you change a few of these things and some grammar mistakes, it'll be much better

Hello there, rishabh! Nice to see you around. Just so you know, I bumped the rating on this and added a M, V, and L for content.

She was avery bright student of her class.

Her father was politician and he had a good name in politics once.

After that incident with anjum

This incident was happened one month ago, anjum was following her daily routine;

she was going towards the college bus stand

somebody told her that the entire bus staff

go and pick some public transport.

She got shocked

she took the last bus from the local bus stop.

Hey there!
Budding writer here for a review! So here goes:

Firstly there are alot of issues with your grammar that you need to correct apart from that I felt that sometimes you left sentences hanging and they were not completed cause it did dot give the complete meaning. I'll start from the beginning:

"She was very bright student of her class. "
It should have been :she was one of the brightest students of her class"

"Her father was politician and he had a good name in politics once. "
you could have made it more compact like: "Her father who had once had a good name in politics"

"This incident was happened one month ago, anjum was following her daily routine; she dressed up on her schedule and went to college for an event called “Nirvana”."
I noticed several things here. The name Anjum has to be capitalized. The first sentence has to be broken up into two separate sentences. The last sentence does not grammatically sound right.

" somebody told her that entire bus staff is on holiday, go and pick some public transport. "
Ok if here someone is telling her this than it should be treated as a dialogue and used within inverted commas.

" She was crying heavily but no one was in the mood to leave her alone. "
Remember what I was saying about some sentences being grammatically incorrect this is one of them.

" She came home and closed herself in the bathroom. "
It should have been "locked"

"she got frightened after watching anjum’s dead body."
It should have been after "seeing"


"Her father being a politician couldn’t be able to find those rapists."
This sentence was kinda odd cause he was a powerful politician and he has the money so he can just like order the cops and bribe them with extra money so why weren't they able to find the rapists?

"To gleam few minutes fun from an innocent girl, they soiled the future of entire family."
The word "gleam" is not appropriate here.

" In other cases, assaulters include rape in their wish list if they quickly lost their interest from eve teasing. "
It should be "lose"

"When assaulters find eve teasing interesting they sexually tease a girl and leave her but that eve teasing thing continues until that man lost his interest from it."
This is very true but the sentance is not structured correctly.


"which left a big question mark inside her grey matter,"
"grey matter"? Thats kinda harsh. Use a better word instead.

There were also alot of "a" and "the" missing. Be sure to check that when you go through it again. Overall I'm glad that your trying to create awareness about it specially since its increased so much.
Keep writing!

-Budding Writer