Let's Talk Chapter 5

Just a note, this is the last chapter.

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It was raining by the time Daisy Laidman pulled up to Graham’s Funeral’s. She’d always thought it was just in movies that in rained in funerals. As she straightened her black dress she couldn’t help thinking about all the people lying underneath her feet.

Dad leaned forward out of the car, his glasses askew on his crooked nose. Thomas Laidman was an architect, brilliant at maths but not great with people. His wife often got frustrated with him, and it was the root of their arguments that he worked too much and didn’t see enough of her.

“Are you alright to go in by yourself? I’ll just be in the car.” He asked, tilting his balding-but-not quite head towards her.

“I’ll be fine Dad.” Daisy said, glancing over to the crowd gathering on one of the headstones. She was wearing a simple black dress, with her hair tied back and a pair of blue flats that complimented her cerulean blue eyes.

She barely walked five steps, when she spotted Finn. Slouched against the reception wall, he was dressed in a suit jacket and nice pants, though his hair was tousled and his eyes red as if he’d just been crying.

“Finn?” Daisy said, flicking a bug off her wrist. He looked up and smiled.

“Daisy! I’m so glad you could make it!” Finn said it with enthusiasm but underneath it all you could see the shadows under his eyes and the way he couldn’t focus on one thing, his eyes just roaming with a slightly panicked look to them.

“You ok?” She said, worried. Finn looked up and tried to brighten his face up, but she could see past it. He gave a sigh, putting his head in his hands.

“I can’t do this Daisy. All of it.” He said, voice slightly muffled. What did he mean?

“I have to speak, and I have to face seeing his parents… and the coffin…” He broke out into a muffled round of sounds as he trailed off. Daisy leaned forward and gently pried his hands away from his face.

“Listen to me Finn, please. Just breathe ok? You can do this, I’ll be right next to you the whole way.” She said softly. Finn looked up, taking a deep breath and wiping the tears off his face with the cufflink of his jacket. He stood up and grasped her hand tightly, as if he’d fall apart if he let go. Slowly they made their way over to the congregation of people, clustered around Ed Barlow’s grace.

*

Finn stood at the small podium, hands shaking. After a deep but shaky breath, he spoke.

“Every morning when I got to school he’d say the same thing. “Finn! Your looking as young as ever!” and now everyone morning when I go to school I say that in my head, because I know if he was still here, he’d say it. I always thought he’d be there to say it, you know? Like we’d both be dying in some hospital bed when where eighty and he’d whisper it with his last breath.

“Ed was my best friend, one of the only two people in the world that I was really on the same level with. And we dreamed of a future, where he’d be an actor and me the director and we’d live in a huge house near the beach with kids everywhere.

“And now that he’s gone it’s like I have this whole new idea of life and death. I realise how precious his life was to so many people, including me, and I wonder if he regrets taking it. After he died I was really torn up, and I did contemplate ending it. I sort of made this pros and cons list in my head, whether to live or not and tallied it up.

“I realised then, that I could never take my own life. Ed’s death scarred me so much I that I realised that life itself is precious, and if Ed had only felt that way, like he had something to live for, maybe he would have stayed.

“So my final words to you Ed, if you’re up there. I’m sorry that I didn’t notice the warning signs, if there were any. I’ll miss you so much, you where my best friend and I know that even though I grow older, that place inside me that it is yours, will always stay the same.

“Goodbye, Ed.” Finn looked at each of the faces in the small semi-circle as he finished speaking. No one clapped, but hanging in the air was the appreciation of letting everyone’s thoughts out, and saying goodbye to Ed.

Finn walked up to the coffin and put a single yellow carnation on, then swiping the tears from his eyes as he walked over to Daisy. They said nothing to each other, as the speeches went on. She leant her head on his shoulder and he clasped her hand firmly in his own. As the cluster of people broke apart, Daisy let a single tear slip as she said her final goodbyes to Ed.

*

“I made her up, Daisy.” They were sitting on the benches outside of the reception, Finn holding an umbrella to shelter them. Daisy looked over to Finn, her cheeks tearstained.

“Made who up?” She asked.

“Sasha. I made her up so you wouldn’t think I was depressed. You had Gabriel and I just wanted someone, you know?” Finn said, staring down at the puddle-ridden ground. Daisy didn’t say anything for a while, she just lent her head on his shoulder.

“We broke up, me and Gabriel.” Daisy said, breaking the silence.

“Why? When?” Finn said, alarmed. Daisy sighed, pulling a strand of hair.

“It was on the Friday before I went on the camping trip with Dad. He came over to my house, and said he just wanted to be friends.” Daisy said, not looking up from Finn’s lap. “Oh…” Was all he said.

They sat like that for a while, just in each other’s warmth. The outside world seemed harsh and cold and that’s when Daisy realized how much she really liked Finn. She liked how he recommended books for her, and how he was such a good listener, and she liked how kind his heart was, but mainly she just liked him.

“Everything’s so complicated, you know? There’s Ed, there’s Cody, there’s school… And with all of it going on the only constant and simple thing in my life was us. And I need that, Daisy.” Finn said, looking down into her eyes.

It wasn't like they had some meaningful moment and then shared a passionate kiss, they could just see in each other’s eyes that maybe everything would be ok again if they were just together.

“Let’s stay like this Finn.” Daisy said, feeling his warmth radiate through her. Finn stared out into the rain, grasping Daisy’s hand tightly. He didn't have to say yes, she already knew the answer.