Heyo Avalon, Happy review day, Subtle here for a review! Now, first of all disclaimer. I know nothing about poetry, and possibly no knowledge about lyrics what so ever. Just a spelling mistakes the previous reviewer missed.
People disappear you will to
The 'to' doesn't make sense, I think you meant too. But if it is to, feel free to enlighten me.
So onto the content, this seems like a pretty dark song but the lyrics are quite nice. I don't know what the music is to go with this, because frankly I don't really detect a steady rhythm even as I read this. Usually in songs, I can usually detect a beat or something that indicates what's going on. And usually, they rhyme in a way. But yours seem very free-verse and in some places, the beat seems off.
No gun is going to save you from us
cause like Ghosts, we disappear
you're alone now it's time to pray
alone in the dark
now your heart is pumping
you’ll be dead before the night is up
and now we’re coming for you
Just take the last stanza for example. There should be a comma after, 'you're alone now' because the sentence would make more sense.
These two lines:
alone in the dark
now your heart is pumping
Doesn't quite fit in with the rest of it. I think perhaps get rid of the 'no' before your heart is pumping might fit in better.
As for the general overall content for this song, I...don't quite know what to say. It seems to me that this is a warning of some sort for a specific group of people, I can detect the tone of menace and thread in it certainly but not really a story line. It seems to me, that action after action explodes in a different stanza. Well then, maybe that's not a bad thing. It just seemed a bit fast to me, but it is yours.
Sorry for this dying review, enjoy your day or night.
-S.s
Points: 561
Reviews: 476
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