Confessions- Chapter 1

Drowning, that's what my fear was, and that's what I am doing. No one knows, no one cares. I don't let them see, they won't understand, no one does, I know this because I don't even understand it myself. It's voices, feelings that I can't explain. They burn. They scream. They destroy.

It was summer time in my town, the best time of the year. It was the summer before ninth grade, it was going to be the best summer ever. I had plans with my best friend, my family, and even my loving boyfriend, Brent Conner.

Brent was older then me, not by much though, I had just turned 14 and he was 16, we'd been dating for over a year, I was happy, so was he. We saw each other quite often, since he didn't live far from my house, he simply lived up the road, so we went for walks together. It was our favourite thing to do together.

Today though, we weren't going for a walk together, I wasn't even going to get to seem him today. Today, I was going swimming with my best friend, Kayla, and my family. We were going down to a lake that wasn't far from my home.

"Hurry up, Melli! Your parents said we're leaving in less then five minutes with or without you!" Kayla said outside my bedroom door where I was getting changed into my bathing suit.

Melli was the adorable nickname Kayla had given me, it was short for Melissa, and I called her Kay, when she didn't seem to mind much

"I'm coming, Kay!" I hollered back at her.

I took one last look at myself in the body length mirror. My dark, chocolate brown hair hung down a few inches past my shoulders, and it was pin straight. My icy blue eyes glimmered in the light of the sun coming through my window. My legs were long, since I was 5'8'' tall, if only they were more tan. I wore a two piece bathing suit, but it covered everything, even my stomach, since I wasn't comfortable showing it off. My bathing suit was completely designed with leopard print, and it was brand new.

I grabbed my big, fluffy towel and wrapped it around myself before leaving my room, seeing Kayla. I smiled. She always looked better then me. She was a bit shorter then me, but she was skinnier, and bustier. She had green eyes and bleach blonde, wavy hair. She wore a two piece bathing suit, like me, but hers showed stomach, unlike mine.

"You look great, Melli" she said with a smile. ",but, lets get out to the car before your parents leave us behind" she said before turning down the hallway towards the front door. I followed and we both put on sandals before getting into the car and going to the lake with my parents, older brother, Justin, and grandparents.

I enjoyed swimming, it was a great way to cool off in the summer, but I was always scared of drowning. I had been afraid of it since I was little, so I never went deep into the water, like my bother or Kay, even though they were always telling me to, I never did, I thought about doing it a few times, but the fear is far too strong, and I can't make myself do it.

Today was no exception. They kept trying to get me to go in deeper, but I said no, images of myself going under, never able to come back up, flooded my mind

By the time everyone was ready to leave, we were exhausted. We said goodbye to my grandparents, get in our own car and leave, before we go home, though, we have to drop Kay off at her house so she can go home.

When I was finally home, and in my own bed, it was only 9:30 PM, but I am ready to close my eyes and pass out when the phone rings.

"Mel, its Brent!" my brother calls.

I smile to myself, suddenly wide awake and I rush to get the phone and bring it back to my room before I speak to Brent. I haven't heard his voice in two days, so it will be nice to hear him.

I flop onto my bed before saying; "Brent, I miss you"

I could almost see the grin on his face when he said "Hey, I miss you too."

We talked for awhile about what we had been doing the last few days since we hadn't spoken to each other in those days. He had visited his mom, since his parents were divorced and he lived with his dad.

We made plans to go for a walk in the woods within the next week, neither of us were sure what day it'd be since he was doing yard work for his dad, and I had a lot of family gatherings coming up, but surely we'd make time for each other, we always did.

We said our goodbye's and I love you's, before hanging up. I glanced at the time; it was now close to 11 PM, and I could barely keep my eyes open. I brought the phone back out to the living room before going to my room. I slipped on a pair of purple pajama shorts, and a black tank top before getting into bed and falling asleep to the sound of the crickets outside my window.

The next few days went by like a blur. I spent sometime at my grandparents, had some BBQ's with family, and slept a lot.

I was a hot, Thursday afternoon when Brent called, asking if I wanted to go for a walk with him, up our favourite path and into the woods where a clearing with two giant rocks were, of course, I said yes.

We were going to meet at the entrance of the path, I told my parents where I was going while I put my shoes on, then I left.

I was wearing blue jean shorts, and a light purple shirt. Simple, maybe not that fashionable, but, it was hot outside this time of year, so I didn't care how it looked, and I knew Brent wouldn't care, either.

I was the first one to get to the paths entrance, as usual, I didn't expect anything different from him.

I waited for a few minutes before I could make out his figure coming up the street, and I couldn''t help but grin.

He came up to me and planted a kiss on my lips.

"I missed you" he breathed.

"I missed you too, Brent" I told him back, my breathing pace had picked up.

From there we entwined out fingers and headed up the path towards the clearing.

Brent was taller then me, standing at about 6 feet tall, and he had black hair that was shaggy and hung in his face, though you could still see his eyes which were a killer green, something you couldn't look away from, they were the most attractive part of his appearance. He wasn't overly buff, his legs built for running, his arms and chest toned, but not to an extreme. His skin tan from the yard work he'd been doing for his father over the summer break.

We reached the clearing in the woods, looked up, and grinned at each other.