Young Writers Society

Hey you! It's me again!

Main Points

but she began playing it on her phone and sang and danced along,

I glanced away at the scene of teenage kids mulling around,

While my friends immersed in conversation,

It was the only thing that separated me by appearance to Isabelle, so that was how I kept it, regardless of what it looked like.

o.o I was off reviewing for two days because of this stupid maths test, and your chapters escalated. Well, at least I don't have to worry about cliffhangers now, so, on with my review. So, I likes this chapter better than the last and your dialogue is improving too. Showing much more characterization of the characters and it is also much more engaging than the ones in chapter four. And I'm starting to like Hayden a bit more too, and Charlotte and Ellie doesn't seem too much like the airheads they were. Anyways, I will comment on the plot later. As usual, I will point out some technical details, mostly about the plot because you're pretty good with your spelling and grammar.

Her eyes got a faraway look

A smile touched his lips. The setting sun made his hazel eyes shine gold. “That’s right; you wanna be an author.”

I nodded. Hayden was probably the only one who remembered that.

“D’you think you could make it?” he asked.

“Hey!” I called out. No reaction. “Hey! What the hell are you doing? Get off my property!” I’d always wanted to say that last line, but with a shotgun in my hand and America’s famous southern drawl.

Ten more paces and the figure was way behind me, but still the paranoid feeling nagged. Slowly, I craned my neck to look over my shoulder. The figure had risen from the bench, the lit cigarette in his hand fell to the ground. There was a grating noise as he grinded it under the toe of his boot, then he set off my way with a purposeful gait.

Run, my feet told me. No, I retorted, walking a little faster. My heart thumped so loud I wouldn’t be able to hear his footsteps behind me, but I was sure they were there. Run!

I am not afraid of the dark, or the strangers in it. Don’t be so goddamn paranoid.

“’Ello, love,” the gruff voice of the man called out to me. Oh god – he sounded so close, just an arm’s length behind me.

I started to run.

My feet carried me further than I thought possible in such a short amount of time. When I was half way to the corner shops - well past my house, realizing it wouldn’t be smart to show him where I live - I stopped. I looked back, and found that I was alone.

And, man, did I feel alone…

Good story and it has quite an amount of suspense too (because I am starting this story with this chapter XD)...
I really liked the way you presented everything and its very well written too. Also, you portayed the characters so well that not only we find out their daily routine we also get to know them better which brings us readers closer to the chara whomever we may choose as our favorites

And as for what can be done to improve l...
I can say that this story is interesting enough to have longer chapters yay!
Then you could also make use of cliffhangers 'cause if used at the right part it can be a bomb ticking away...that would finally burst in the next chapter ^^
You could add in more thought lines and give it some more depth..

Other than those aannd the basic rereading and spellchecking stuff I don't think you would need to do anything else when you are posting new chappies because I can say this story is gonna be good. Of course practice makes one better but I have got to say that you really have talent.

Keep writing and always be happy ^^
ERZA~

Nearly all the way caught up. Two more chapters to read/review.

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