z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language

Puzzle Piece - Prolouge

by littleletters


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

"They possess the Puzzle-Piece Effect." She mumbles, her eyes following the direction of the couple walking past us. The girl had untamed red hair, with freckles sprinkling her pale skin everywhere; much like the skin of the beautiful girl beside me. The boy, however, had Asian eyes, and honey-gold skin. It was as if a little girl had picked a porcelain doll and paired it up with a cheap, plastic Japanese/Korean/Chinese doll, because Barbies are too expensive.

My thoughts run back to her statement, and I ask, "The Puzzle-Piece Effect?" Her head snaps up, and her dark hair bounces, becoming even messier, as it stays uncombed throughout the day. But she is beautiful still, nonetheless. She slowly smiled, amusing herself with my stupidity. "You seriously don't know the puzzle piece effect?" She giggles, and I shake my head with a chuckle.

She lets out an airy laugh, and for a moment, I feel offended, only to laugh together with her the second after. Her laugh is infectious and I can't help admiring her beauty up close. Her hair bounces back, and so does her head, lighting up various freackles splattered on her cheeks, with her very laugh mimicking bells ringing.

She recovers, and looks me in the eye, with a simpering grin gracing her chapped lips. "It's when He has something She doesn't , and She has something that He can't match. And so, their unlike perks and weaknesses go on, proving that though they have differences, those differences are the ones that say they truly complete each other. It's the usual 'Opposites Attract' plot."

I sat there in complete awe, as the girl with the dark wild hair and translucent eyes and porcelain like skin and freckle-splattered cheeks --oh, how I wish I could go on all day!-- proved to me things I haven't even noticed in the world. It made me feel as if I was a caveman-- as if I've been living under a rock. How come I never noticed this? How come I never knew? I thought to myself, feeling idiocy by the second.

Without knowing what else to say, I asked, "Who's He and She?" She lets out a laugh once again, and stands up. I follow her lead, as if she was going to drift away into the heavens --being the angel that she is. Methaporically, of course-- and leave me here. She faces me, and puts her arms around my neck. Warm, as I expected, despite her ghastly pale complexion. "Just common little motherfuggers who don't know how to choose appropriate partners," She beamed brightly at me.

I grinned, getting a poke on a certain spot on my lower cheek, where my -- "Dimple," she mumbled, -- would be. I held her hand against my face with my right hand, my palm tingling, setting my left aroung her waist, pulling her closer to me.

"You, my lady, are an exquisite creature of observance that humans should be incapable of and an endless trail of curiousity on your path."

"You, my good sir, are a beautifully awkward specimen that walks the Earth with perfect abnormalities that makes me feel as if I'm incomplete."

"We are actually like a puzzle, aren't we?"

"Difficult to understand; Different, but we, utterly, complete each other."


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933 Reviews


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Reviews: 933

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Sun Apr 20, 2014 12:42 am
Iggy wrote a review...



Hello ^^

"They possess the Puzzle-Piece Effect." She mumbles,


She should be lowercased. Also swap that period after "Effect" for a comma.

"It's when He has something She doesn't ,


Unnecessary space before the comma. Also, capitalizing "he" and "she" here isn't necessary either.

And so, their unlike perks and weaknesses go on,


Unlikely*

She beamed brightly at me.


She should not be capitalized. Also you switch tenses with "beamed". Change to "beams".



Okay, so. First off, you switch tenses a bit, so be careful of that. An example would be the above nitpick. That happens a few more times, so go through and edit them.

Moving on! I liked this. It was nicely written and straight to the point, with the immediate introduction to the term "Puzzle Pieces" and what it means, and how it relates to the story. It was a nice teaser for a prologue and I find myself curious to see more. ^^

I like that the woman (who needs a name btw) and her comments about Puzzle Pieces make us think that she is scornful and doesn't like those type of couples, and then boom! We see that she and the narrator are also a Puzzle Piece. So that was cute! I liked her comment about Puzzle Pieces and how that deceives us and fools us into thinking that she really doesn't like Puzzle Pieces and then boom, she reveals that they are that type of couple.

Overall, this looks good so far. I'm normally not a big fan of romance but I do adore the comparison of the "opposites attract" term to puzzle pieces and how they signify it. This is off to a good start, with a strong narration and a smooth flow, so nice work and keep writing. c:

~Iggy




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19 Reviews


Points: 938
Reviews: 19

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Sat Apr 19, 2014 10:46 pm
Mackattack wrote a review...



I love the idea you have but maybe you should add some detail as to what they are wearing and why they are there. I realize that this is a prologue and probably will be explained in the beginning, those point confuse me a bit. This is a good piece though, and I can't wait to see where you go with this. I wish you good luck and you have gotten yourself a follower. Just remember those details. They are good to have in your story. Also I love how your interactions between you characters go, its not too much and its not to little. Anyway good luck I can tell this is going to be a great story.





Thou call'dst me a dog before thou hadst cause. But, since I am a dog, beware my fangs.
— Shylock, The Merchant of Venice