Young Writers Society

Hey, so I'm going to assume along with everyone else that this is an informative piece you need revised for school? So my review will be all grammar.

"He grew up on his family's small estate in Maysel, where he painted many beautiful paintings inspired by nature and the scenic landscapes around him."

Here the sentence will sound better if you wrote: "where the nature and scenic landscape inspired him to paint many beautiful paintings."

"His awe inspiring art work amazed his family as they had no inclination that Ronald is bestowed with such a talent"

Here you should write: "amazed his family as they had no idea that Ronald was bestowed with such talent"

"Theirs was a tight knit community and all the townspeople knew one another."

Theirs is not used correctly here. It will be more grammatically correct if you write: The community of Maysel was tight knit and all the townspeople know one another."

"After spending four years learning about art, he completed his graduation by coming in the top 5% of his class."

The phrase coming in sounds awkward here, "he graduated within the top 5 percentile of his class."

"He accepted this offer without a thought as this would give him a chance to display his art work to be recognized, and appreciated throughout the world."

You would want to say: "He accepted this offer without a SECOND though, as it would allow the world to recognize and appreciate his art works."

Greetings ^^

Okay, so hi there, spambot. Nice article/essay you have here, yes it was very good. Not incredibly interesting, honestly, but still good. Lots of information and background to this Ronald Raevsky. I feel like I know so much about him already. :O

But seriously, I like that this was written like it was from another's perspective, because I'm assuming you're Ronald Raevsky. You did a good job with making this detached and unpersonal, so there wasn't any information about his/your personal life or an abundance of praise and appreciation for the paintings he makes. This was very professional and broad, so it didn't come off as bias or admiring.

I do think the ending was nice, as was all of this. Nice work. Hope that helps. ^^

Very nice, though I have some nitpicks, especially if this is for school. If you're just finding out info about Ronald for fun, good for you!

Nitpicks:
1. If this is a complete essay (depending on what your teacher's maximum length was) this was a lot to short. If you're going to turn this in for school, I'd expand the length to five paragraphs...at least. The paragraphs are also to short, and should really be no fewer then five sentences.
2. The use of 'Theirs' in 'Theirs was a tight nit community...' I don't think flows well for an informational essay. Perhaps you could change it to 'He lived in a tight nit community...' or 'He lived with his family in a tight nit community...'
3. I find the highlighting of Ronald's name in the second paragraph to be distracting. I understand why you did it in the first paragraph, but it would flow better if you changed his name in the second paragraph to regular text.

Anyway, this was a good, informative essay, and you should keep up the good work!