Young Writers Society

look i know how you feel i know someone that i have lost and have told me time and time again they hate me. they are gone for good not once you give up on someone it hard to look at them without crying. trust me i know. alexus cut her self and i stoped that she lost her dad hurting your self is not the answer i promise. you should think before you do things. if you really love someone you would never give up on them they have more hate or love for you never give up. i know you are strong i have seen it for my self . your one of the strongest people i know not pyhissacal but emotional. your awesome so think before you do please.

It is quite a lot emotional.

lovely

Wow, this was depressing and personally typically over-dramatic. I understand that some people are more susceptible to emotional outbreaks than others, but to me this short story just gave me this Emo-teen vibe that just doesn't sit with me I'm afraid. Then again, I guess I do understand that it can be painful to lose a friend, but this story just summed it up to quickly. You need to elaborate, make the story longer. That way, it won't sound so Emo to people like me.

Sorry to be a bitch, I hope I helped a bit.

Whoa. For a short story, you weren't exaggerating, were you?

This is something all of us girls can relate to, and I'm so sorry you're going through this. We do have a blog section that you can use and save points next time, but since we're here... I'll review.

First off, I do think you should give us more. This was so short and it's hard to sympathize with the narrator with so little information. Why did the narrator leave her friend? Did they drift apart? Did a fight happen? Why did she fall for this boy, and how did she feel whenever she found out that he was her ex best friend's best friend? How did he break her heart? More details will help the reader further connect to the story, so I suggest you add on more to this.

Moving on, the emotion in this was clear and strong. I felt the pain of the narrator and her loneliness, her sadness. I felt pity for her and felt a desire to protect her and show her that she shouldn't self-harm for someone who doesn't matter anymore. Because it's obvious that this friend wasn't a very good friend in the end, and so, good riddance! You're better off without her.

Overall, I encourage you to keep staying strong and stop being lost. You will make better friends, my dear. I have faith in you. Good luck!

Hi chaninalexis14!

First of all, wow. This story is really depressing, no offense, but really depressing. I felt so sad for the 'I' as I read on, because, wow, I just have a thing for being sad about best friends breaking up, you know? To be honest, I expected something bright at the end, maybe the two friends rejoining, but well... haha, you really know how to break a heart, don't you?

Well, I do have a few suggestions for you. You should break this up into some short paragraphs, because right now, it's just a giant chunk of writing that may discourage people from reading. So, maybe separated the story when the events shift, or timelines shift, or people shift...?

Also, you could try to make your ending more... remember-able. Like, leave this strong, burning impression. I personally think that it could end like,

"I danced with him, but he broke my heart two days later.
You watched me cry.
You kept your mouth shut as I left.
We started talking again tonight, and that's when you told me that you hate me, and forget about me most of the times.
I cried and I cut myself, on the wrist, deeper and deeper each time, creating fine scars.
Despite that, something tells me I will never have you again. Something tells me that it will stay that way forever.
I wished that I would never have to tell anyone that I just lost my best friend."


Well, that's just my idea. I think I got sidetracked a little bit...

Great, great writing. I loved this. I really loved this, seriously.

Keep on writing, mephis