Young Writers Society

Hi there! Some nice improvements

A small nitpick:
"break the ice by introducing her self"
should be "break the ice by introducing herself"

I would continue to describe how Sammy sees him. In a romantic story, it is all about description in the eyes of the one in love
Also, the conversation between Sammy and Caty seems a bit dry. Try making it more realistic. Imagine a conversation you might have. It doesn't all have to be strictly to the point

I think with some more detail, you can make this chapter a bit longer, and more enjoyable. Overall, nice work, and I will be waiting for chapter 2
~Hadj

Hi welcome.
I will be brutally honest, this story has potential. But there are something's I would suggest you change.

First of all, the plot is moving too fast. You also need more details. I want to know who Caty is (a friend?) and other characters in the story.

Some background would be nice to have a better understanding of the story, such as :who exactly is Brynn to her? An old friend?

Don't try to force a routine of what the main character is doing. Leave room for conflicts and developments between Sammy and her relationships. Also try to reveal more about Sammy and about her personality . She could have been any other girl going after Dylan, what makes her so special?
Also the last sentence doesn't quite make sense to me. Brynn had just said before that he knew she was flirting with the boy. But Sammie seems oblivious to this and is maybe a bit tad delirious that she has fooled everyone that she doesn't care about Dylan.
Other then this I truly believe you can make this story work and show the potential that's been hidden Good luck!

Hey there! Welcome to YWS!
This is a pretty good start

Any little nitpicks I found, Iggy already pointed out, so I'll get to the point.

This is pretty romantic, and very sweet, but it could definitely use some more description, and also could move a little slower. I think for romantic stories, it often helps to write in the first person, as to describe how the main character views this boy/girl. After reading this first chapter, I know nothing about Sammie, except that she is a little shy, and nothing about Dylan, except that he is "athletic and attractive. He was quiet and well-mannered"
So even if you want to keep the third person, I would definitely expand your descriptions, especially of Dylan. Why does she like him? If she is staring, we should know all the little details that she is thinking in her head.

It also moves kind of fast. By the end of the first chapter, a lot has happened, and she already seems very associated with Dylan. I think by expanding description, you can slow it down to a more realistic pace.

Anyways, all in all, very good start, and I look forward to reading any rewrite of this, or chapter 2. Once again, very sweet story

Good luck and keep writing
~Hadj

*waves* Hi!

Okay, so this was pretty good for a beginning chapter. After all, who doesn't love teenage romance? The cute and flirty relationship between Dylan and Sam is simple; it's nothing unique, but it's not terribly cliche, nor is it revolting with all the lovey-dovey mushy stuff. Nice balance.

You do make a few careless errors here and there, such as missing commas and words that should be capitalized that aren't, and etc. A few examples:

"I don't want to sit here alone, so i'm coming with you!"

"Sam, whose that boy that you flirt with during 6th period?