Young Writers Society

Hey Ella!

For something so short, it packs a lot of punch. ^^ You say you want to continue it, but I honestly think it's good as it is. It's short, simple, to the point, and very powerful. The flow was constant and breezy; I doubt it was choppy once! The rhyme scheme didn't feel forced at all; rather, it was strong the entire time.

Since you decided to use punctuation, I'm gonna suggest that you not end each line as a sentence. Rather, find a way to transition from one line into the second. Since there's only four lines, and all of them are short, each line feels a bit abrupt when ending. But that's up to you; I'm just suggesting an idea.

Overall, this was quick and easy and very well written for something so short and simple. I liked it quite a lot!

I thought it was great... I saw something similar carved into the bottom of a sink in a mental hospital. I love it

Hey there! Purple here for a review! Let's get started.
I'm almost 99.9% sure that I've heard "When love is not madness, it is not love" multiple times before but I'm drawing a blank on the source. I think you could have expanded after the third line and continued your thought before the repetition. What things do we not speak of? The horrors? The feeling lonely even when with someone? Keep going on with this pain and anguish that's just hiding behind your words. Talk about how we put up with the wrong people for the sake of "love" or contemplate the existence of love itself. Since love is a very general and overused topic, you have to fit some originality into this. I'm telling you this now so when you do go back and edit this as you have expressed you will, then you can take my suggestions into action. Keep writing and have a nice day!
~Purple