Young Writers Society

Hi!

First off, I'm digging that picture. Helps visualize the poem. That was your goal, was it not?

Second, this is very good. Almost hard for me to critique, but critique I shall.

Okay, so my first suggestion is you spell out those numbers. Yeah, I know, you can have numbers if you choose to, but I think the poem would be so much neater if the numbers were spelt out. It also doesn't look so lazy, like you couldn't be bothered to spell them out. Also, isn't forty minutes of love versus 40 minutes of love so much prettier and nicer and better? That's my opinion, so do what you will, but I suggest you spell them out.

I agree with Brie about the random capitalization of words that don't need to be capitalized. Were you trying to use personification? Is there a reason or a goal behind it? Because if it was, then that goal or reason falls short, because I'm lost. If they weren't meant to be capitalized, then I recommend decapping them, because it's confusing to the reader. And if they are meant to be personified, then why? Explain.

The overall meaning behind this poem is lost. It doesn't make sense to me. You talk about a painting and scribbles, then an experiment dying, then toy elephants, and all of these different things are probably meant to symbolize something but what it is, exactly, is lost on the reader. I don't understand your goal here. I suggest you find a way to explain and clearly convey the message and make it a bit easier for the reader to understand your hidden messages.

But other than that, the poem really was beautiful. Lacking a clear message or meaning, but beautiful nonetheless. I think you did a great job with your imagery and describing the painting and the strokes and such. Just very beautifully written! Nice work.

SecreteJournalist here to review! Do feel free to call be Brie if you please. I'm just going to head on to the review! I'm going to review with pros and cons

Pro's;

First off, I will say I loved the painting! It was unique and the colors seemed to contrast in waves.

Also, I'd like to say I loved how you worded the first stanza. It was neat to visualize and imagine the emotion that must of flooded your mind.

The scenery throughout the poem and the description really tied together in a neat combination(:

Though, enough with the praise, Id be droning on for hours at how amazing this is!(:


Con's;

Different approaches,
But the same Reply,
Who knows what trouble,
He brings next time.

Very dramatic.

And loving the artwork.