Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
"Daddy? Daddy no! Don't leave me!" "J, J, you zoned out again" My name is Jackie Ransy, or J for short. At 16, I have no one but my pathetic excuse for a mother. "Sorry, mum" "You were thinking about him again, weren't you." I know she's asking a question but sometimes it's so hard to tell. Her voice has no life; she has no life left in her... every word sounds dull and meaningless. "Daddy..." I shake my head to clear the images from my mind. It doesn't work. "No I was just thinking..." I quickly dart out of the room before I'm fired with psychology 101. I know Mum means well but sometime's it's just too hard.... I live with my Mum in the most rundown house you'll ever see. With its rusty tin roof and walls with peeling paint. Yes, it's a dump but it's home. My dad, he died when I was 10. Well actually it wasn't as much died as it was murdered. Every detail of that day has been etched into my brain and refuses to leave. Once he died my Mum went into a kind of shock and depression followed. Everyday it's: get up, make Mum breakfast, sit there and watch her to make sure she actually eats it and that she doesn't try to kill herself with the cutlery, clean, work, make Mum lunch, sit there and watch her... well you get the picture. She's like a toddler, I can't trust her to be alone for one second. For six years I've flushed my happiness and child hood down the toilet for her. I mean what was I supposed to do anyway? She hasn't left her room in six years, as if he is going to burst through their bedroom door at any moment like he never left... I cook, I clean, I pay the bills, earn the money; everything. For once I want to be like the other kids; I want to be normal.
Well, this is one of the more unique situations I've managed to run across, its unique enough that I believe this is probably something that wouldn't be allowed to happen in real life unless the circumstances were truly extreme here. At any rate, this certainly catches your attention quite well here as the start of a story.
Anyway moving past how realistic this could be, well, we find our protagonist in a pretty bad situation there...definitely not something that you ever want to find yourself in at ten years old..,so well, we definitely sympathize with this person right off the bat even as it is quite hard to imagine how hard having to do all of this could be.
We also get a good sense of the general backstory here to start off with, we know in pretty decent detail the leaving of this father and the devastating effects its had on the mother with a decent sense of the timeline in which everything happened and that is quite helpful to determine sort of just how much this person has been through here.
The plea there at the end where they seem to almost beg for a chance just to lead a normal life really cements the whole premise here, and that's a good point to end off the start to a story here. It seems like the sort of thing I may read here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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