Hi there! Manisha here to review for you!
I'll review as I read.
As far as I remember, computers have been always my thing. At times when i was young i use to go to the library to play with them. I was so fascinated, If i was allowed, or had the chance, I would be on it all day.
There are few grammatical problems here. I have structured it for you-
As far as I remember, computers have always been my thing. At times when I was young I use to go to the library to play with on them. I was so fascinated, If if I was allowed, or had the chance, I would be on it all day.
If the computer you are talking about is a PC then you play on it. Play with them sounds awkward.
And you have got to capitalize your Is.
Nevertheless my passionate for Computers grew in all aspects. I realize as much as i enjoy playing,fixing slow ones or removing viruses for my friends and families. I wanted to learn more, and thought what better ways to do that than to program them, understand them from programming point of view.
Comma after nevertheless.
passionate is passion
Computers doesn't have to be capitalized unless you are talking about a particular computer.
realize is realized.
If you want to use realize it should go something like this - I realize that as much as I...
Stay with one tense.
Remove the period after families. The sentence seems incomplete.
I wanted to learn more, and thought what better ways to do that than to program them, understand them from programming point of view.
this sentence seems awkward. Maybe restructure it?
I've done it for you and also corrected few nit picks -
I wanted to learn more and thought - what better way to so that than to program them, understand them from a programming point of view?
I wanted my desire to learn computer journey with me in my future.
Not sure what you mean here?
So I taught myself to code, Watched online videos, and put myself in a position where I understand why programming works and how they work.
Watched shouldn't be capitalized.
Again, awkward sentence.
So I taught myself to code. I watched online videos and put myself in a position where I understood how and why programming works.
Sounds better don't ya think?
You have a problem of jumping from tenses. You need to stick to one.
This for instance-
I’m able to read the languages and I was able work on some basic projects. But It wasn't enough, I felt like I needed to work other with individuals.
You start with past present and jump to past tense.
I was able to read the languages and work on some basic projects. But it wasn't enough, I felt like I needed to work with other individuals.
Did you even proof read this?
Misfortunes, my school didn't provide a Computer Science course.I was left to wait until later on in college. Regardless of my bad luck I needed and wanted to be well prepared for college level CS anyways when i take the classes.
Structure alert!
Misfortunes is Unfortunately.
What do you mean by regardless of my bad luck I needed ?
Maybe you mean- Regardless of my bad luck, I needed and wanted to be well prepared for college level CS.
I suggest you leave it at this. Because the next few words make no sense unless you can restructure it to mean whatever you wanted it to.
I thought of taking online public school but I discover the schools i needed to go was bit far away. My parents didn't have bus money either. I also realize my school didn't have any Tech Club as i was snuggling with this mental battle in how i’m going to take another step on investing my future.
school is schooling.
discover is discovered - Stick with one tense!
realize is realized
snuggling is struggling
mental battle as to how...
So I thought I should create a After School Tech Club,It would be a great opportunity to sharpen my skills, leadership skills and hopefully if the club continues, future technology optimistic like myself would have an opportunity in the school. I begin my research, and figure how i can run the program.I work out, and it wasn't going to be easy but it was due able.[/question]
After School not to be capitalized.
I begin my research, and figure how i can run the program.
Tense switch.
I began my research and figured out how I can run the program.
Question- When you say 'the program' what particular program do you mean? If you are talking about programming in general it should be 'a program'.
You work out as in?
due able is do able.I was happy,looked forward to tell my friends about,and maybe they could help me to. They said they were going to be frank, that my idea wouldn't work and it’s reasonable that I wait until college i'm already junior anyways. I shouldn't waste people's time. I’m not even expert and there isn't a guidance from a computer science teacher as well.
tell my friends about it and maybe they could help me too.
They said they were going to be frank and said that my idea wouldn't work and it’s reasonable that I wait until college as I'm a junior. I shouldn't waste people's time. I’m not an expert and there isn't a guidance from a computer science teacher as well.As harsh it sounded, it was the truth but as i contemplated A wise man once said “All we have decide is what to do with the time that is given to us” and if that thing we are going to do is hard i learned important words from Dale Carnegie “most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all”.And continuous effort- not strength or intelligence- is the key to unlocking our potential so I decided i’m not going let the challenges get me down.I talked to my physic teacher,she was happy to sponsor my club and at the moment we are in the process of creating the club.
contemplated what a wise man once said- "All we have.....
Overall-
I can see you are very passionate about the particular topic and you can see it in your words. However, the many grammatical and structural words are pulling down your words. I've pointed out a few hoping they help.
Also, I suggest you break up the article into smaller paragraphs than this one big block. It is more eye pleasing and easier to read.
If you want to improve your writing I suggest you read a lot of good books. They greatly help the the writing quality as you get to see how things are done in writing.
You have a good base here, just work on the errors.
I apologize you you found my review criticizing! It is to help!
Keep writing!
-manisha
Points: 398
Reviews: 189
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