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16+ Mature Content

Shaking Like Milk

by Renard


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

She’s throttling herself slowly

Hanging herself from the skipping rope

Agitated beyond belief

Kidneys aching from abuse

Incarcerating hopes

Nervousness increasing

Gauging slices in flesh

Licking her last wounds

Ichor freefalling on the carpet

Ketamine no longer effective

Embalming thoughtfulness

Murmuring little handfuls of secrecy

Incapable of keeping flat still

Leaf like frail wobbling

Keels to the floor


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28 Reviews


Points: 268
Reviews: 28

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Mon Jan 13, 2014 11:18 am
maroonamorous wrote a review...



*dumbstruck*
*outofbreath*

Ahem! Ok. Well I need to tell you this, this is absolutely STUNNING. Though it's not something new but yeah, I absolutely love this.
The way you presented this is amazing.

You are great, just remember that.

P.S. - I wanted to use 'amaze-balls' in this review but I failed to form a suitable sentence for it, because I am a MASSIVE fan of this term that you introduced in your conversations with AJT. :P

And yeah, congratulations!! I definitely read that AJT thing.
Besides, yes darling, you are indeed a beautiful poet.

My best wishes.
~MarS (love and hugs)




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363 Reviews


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Reviews: 363

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Sun Jan 12, 2014 2:02 pm
DreamWork wrote a review...



Hi there! I never expecting a poem that looks frightening than the title (like wait, could it be a cheese?). Going straight to the point, in terms of diction, it managed to have an impact on the reader. The words used are given by word that can stand alone as well as convey the meaning/purpose behind them. It is obviously able to give an emotional impact on the reader. Is it is about a girl who committed suicide?

She’s throttling herself slowly

Hanging herself from the skipping rope

Or just the symbolism of the emotions that she felt inside?
Actually I have no problem with the idea. I think your poem successfully able to bring its own strength and messages to the reader. I also like the lack of punctuation in your poem. It allows the reader to read the poem in their own way. Just be careful to choose to leave the punctuation as it may be significant.

A few things I would like to comment(you to consider) on the form of a poem that might be used simply to beautify the poem. As comment below, I think this form is used only for a Diamante poem. Perhaps also for some other poem with its own purpose as desired by the poet. But here, I'm not sure why you are using this form/shape. Still, I'm glad to know the reason! :)
Overall, I quite enjoyed reading this poem and I hope to see more from you soon. Keep writing!






In all honesty... no thought was put into the aesthetics of the poem, as in the shape. It's just centred. But yeah... glad you quite liked it. :)



DreamWork says...


I see... I re-read my comment and felt I kept repeating the same sentence! Sorry for that *bow*. Yeap, I like mess up with the formatting too with my first poem. I centered them and play with the color until someone told me to be careful with it XD. It just my comment, it's up to you actually ;) no worries.



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472 Reviews


Points: 136
Reviews: 472

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Sun Jan 12, 2014 12:34 pm
Wisteria wrote a review...



At first I thought this was a shape poem, but them I found it wasn't but the poem still left me breathless. This is absolutely stunning, the imagery and the language you have use there is very dynamic and it conveys the message across to the reader very well. There's no nitpicks, nunno.

Oh, is just so amazing and powerful and god.....I can't even tell you how awesome this is! I would follow you right now, except I already am.

Great job! Keep on writing like this, and one day, when you get famous. Remember me. :D






Not sure I will get famous. But thank you!!!! XD

-hugs-




Time is not your best friend - unless you use it wisely.
— Marco Pierre White