Lust at first sight,
Love doesn't exist here,
We're lying,
We're dangerous,
Like heroin.
No sensible sense,
No conceptual concepts,
I breathe ideas.
Lust at first sight,
Love doesn't exist here,
Desire's the dictator,
We're lazy, so obey.
No honourable honour,
No noble nobility,
Lust at first sight,
Love doesn't exist here,
Clutching at nothing,
Makes us hopeless fools.
Liars of the self,
No trustworthy trust,
No honest honesty,
We are desirable,
We are desired,
We are dangerous.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
I really like this poem. It's sort of frustrating because of the degree of authenticity.
oops wrote it twice
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OMG Great poem and you got a perfect! I was surprised to end up giving out a perfect score but it was what it was and what it was was a wonderful perfect poem. I gave it a like and wrote this review! I don't have a favorite line but this is one of my favorite poems for sure! I swear this must have taken a while to write and figure out before you published it because it seams so easy to screw up when you're writing a poem like this one. Especially because I'm a real critique and I don't give a perfect score to just ANY poem I want you to understand how wowed I was! Keep writing for sure because I would like to hear more from you!
Signing out, PonyzandPokez
This is a cool poem
I like the lengths of the lines and the shape of the poem itself.
There is some great use of words and their definitions in the poem. Such as the running theme of taking words like "honesty" apart and making them into "honest" I like the repitition of that style.
overall, it was a very engaging piece with lots of great vocabulary. I enjoyed it.
The last line "We are dangerous" was especially effective as it's very definitive and strong.
This was a really good piece. Keep it up!
Ahoy! This is 567ajt, everyone's favourite dipstick, here to review this poem. You posted three new works yesterday and I reviewed one of them. I think it's time to look at another, and I have chosen this one first. The title, for one, suggests that anyone desirable creates danger and antagonism for characters, on the basis that the characters will get themselves into danger to either be desirable too or to have the desirable.
The suggestion is there that the want of a desirable person isn't love, but lust. This does make sense- the excessive want of someone does border on lust and sometimes surpasses it by a mile. It appears that the narrator is "lying" that they love this person, in order to get under their skin, like the needle used for heroin. Indeed, "we're dangerous" links to the idea that those who are desirable are under threat from being used.
Potential reasons why the narrator feels undesirable? Then again, the last line seems pretty desirable; the ability to create ideas out of thin air is a trait which I imagine everyone wants. Then again, the previous two lines attempt to undermine the desirable trait, as if these ideas being created are not good.
Good repetition of the first stanza; this is a good moment to repeat because I find it to be wonderfully written. The comparison between desire and a dictator is contradictory, to an extent. Desire is generally greeted in a positive manner, whereas a dictator possesses connotations of thought-control, slavery and abuse. However, both link, as often a dictator is desired by his/her own people to stay in power. The character cannot shake off desire, it seems.
Great contradictions in possessing no "honourable honour", and no "noble nobility". It appears that dying for someone desirable is contrived, and not from one's heart, suggesting furthermore that those who are desirable are being led on. Again, nice repetition of the lust and love comparison. The last section seems to suggest those who are desirable do not actually mean anything, as we often clutch to those we think are desirable.
Those who are desirable are plagued by inner conflict to live up to expectations. They often lie in order to remain desirable. This, therefore, makes them dangerous not just to others but to themselves.
This is yet another highly impressive work, baby. I am getting increasingly infatuated with your work and the way you write. I cannot wait to review more! <3
Holy bananas. XD
-pokes- iS it really you?
'I cannot wait to review more!' Hmmm. -regards with suspicion- XD
Aww baby. I love you. < 333333