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Darling Day, would you say not?

by vedmathai29


The narrator reflects upon his life in a college hostel through the four years he is there. In the beginning he cannot care less for the beauty and the natural surrounding that his campus and hostel is placed in, but towards the end of the four years it sinks in. So that was the point behind the poem. I really can't read poetry without someone first telling me what it was intended for, therefore I included it. Enjoy.

..................................................................

'Darling day, would you say not?

Darling day, would you say not?'

'It is, it is'. The words die on my deafened ears,

Carried forth by the morning breeze;

Closed doors and drawn curtains were all they could meet.

Beyond my world, there lies another;

Between the two, lies no wall.

But crossing boundaries to places unknown is a feat like no other.

For in a man who knows not he is blind,

There is no world which he cannot see.

Woe unto me, for I can see, but am blind.

And can hear but am deaf.

A year has passed and the city is leaving me.

The flowers, the trees and knowledge are yet to flow in.

----------------------------------------------------

'Darling day, would you say not?'

Repeats, the bird, the question.

'It is, it is.' reply the trees in answer.

Faint conversations, I hear every morning:

Barely audible, but I reply yet,

'It is, it is.'

Sight and Hearing are funny things, I feel.

For once I was deaf but can now listen even to the silence.

And once was blind but can see even in the darkness.

Cause beyond the sounds, the sights and the smells that are the most obvious.

There dwells the world of the truest beauty,

The one with the taste of dew, the sight of butterflies and the silence of the stars.

And it is my last day here;

Somewhere in the distance I can hear faint conversations of humans.

A voice I know so well now, asks:

'Darling day, is it not?'

I do not pause and think;

'It is, it is.' I cry out aloud.


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104 Reviews


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Sun Dec 29, 2013 1:44 am
comrie wrote a review...



Hey! Happy Review Day =) I'm here to review!

This is very different from the poems I've been reading so far. It's a good thing! It is! Trees are talking; birds are talking. I like it! The speaker in this poem intrigues me. Are they having hallucinations of some sort? I may be totally wrong about this. Feel free to clear me up on this, haha!

Sight and Hearing are funny things, I feel.


Hmm, I think I know why you capitalized the word "hearing." I think I do. It's to treat it as a topic, right? A thing? I get why, but I think it can go without being capitalized. To me, saying "Sight and hearing are funny things, I feel" is okay. But then again, you're the poet here, not me =P

Cause beyond the sounds, the sights and the smells that are the most obvious.

There dwells the world of the truest beauty,

The one with the taste of dew, the sight of butterflies and the silence of the stars.


Okay. I love these three lines. The last one is so . . . pretty and somehow magical. Do you know what I mean? Like it's pretty. Flowery. Good-flowery.

I just have a question though. Are they all related? As in, are they all one sentence. Because, to me, it can read as one sentence and also two (different from how you have it now). Let's start with the first line. I think that a comma should be after the word obvious and not a period. Do you know what I mean? Because you're saying "Cause beyond the sounds, the sights and the smells that are the most obvious, there dwells the world of the truest beauty, the one with the taste of dew, the sight of butterflies and the silence of the stairs." I realize that removing the period after the word "obvious" results in a gigantic sentence that you can do without, so why not throw in a period after the word "beauty."

So it can be like:

"Cause beyond the sounds, the sights and the smells that are the most obvious,

There dwells the world of the truest beauty.

The one with the taste of dew, the sight of butterflies and the silence of the stars."

If this is not at all how you want it to be, then know you can keep it how you originally have it =) It's still beautiful.

Overall, I really enjoyed this. I think what stood out most to me was the style. I said this in the beginning. That it's different. I like that a lot =) Good job!




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Wed Dec 11, 2013 10:51 pm
AlfonsoFernandez wrote a review...



Hello there, here for a review.

This was a very nice poem, and the flow was, in some places very good and even rhythmical. I like the concept of this poem, and I like that you say that nature talks to you (or at least to your character). I like the repetition of the "dialogue":

'Darling day, would you say not?'
'It is, it is.'


With this repetition, I feel familiar to your text in a way, and I even want to answer that it is, indeed, a darling day.

Sight and Hearing are funny things, I feel.

For once I was deaf but can now listen even to the silence.


I like how you describe this part, as if you have gained wisdom, and that now you can listen to the silence, and I like it especially since before you said something else about seeing.

Woe unto me, for I can see, but am blind.


However, there are a few mistakes that you could fix to improve the poem.

Firstly, there's this:

Woe unto me, for I can see, but I am blind.

And I can hear but am deaf.


I think this would be better with the "I"s, since "am blind" and "am deaf" sound a bit awkward when you say them. Also, you could probably remove the "And" in the second verse, and it may flow a little better.

Repeats, the bird, the question.


This as well, sounds a little awkward, so you might want to change it to something like:

[quoteThe bird repeats the question.[/quote]

Then:

Barely audible, but I reply yet,


But and yet mean the same thing, so you should only write one of them.

Barely audible, yet I reply,
Or,
Barely audible, but I reply,


I find the end is very good, and I myself want to cry aloud along with you.

There aren't any other mistakes, the poem is very good. So good job, and keep writing!

-Alfonso




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Tue Dec 10, 2013 6:12 pm
bubblybubbles101331 wrote a review...



Wow this is a very sweet poem. I love how you repeat 'Darling day, would you say not?'
and 'It is, it is.' . This gives it a nice flow. I felt kind of mesmerized as I read it, like I was almost swaying just smelling fresh air and what not. My favorite part of the whole poem is write here where you say:The one with the taste of dew, the sight of butterflies and the silence of the stars.

And it is my last day here;

Somewhere in the distance I can hear faint conversations of humans.

A voice I know so well now, asks:

'Darling day, is it not?'

I do not pause and think;

'It is, it is.' I cry out aloud.
There seems to be so much you can take from these lines.
The only criticism I have is maybe to work on a better rythem and rhyme scheme. There were times it seemed to maybe rhyme, then it wouldn't. But other than this, outstanding job. :) Hope to see more.





The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.
— Alvin Toffler