Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Looking at her seemed wrong. Like it could incapacitate you or make you say things you didn't mean. Not that she was ugly, far from it. She was beautiful. The type of beautiful that made boys hold jackets over their laps and girls instantly hate her. The rule to never look at her was was recognized by the boys in school as being absolute. Looking at autumn was like looking at a diamond in a museum. Breathtaking, but you could never have it. The boys knew this so why put yourself through torment. Except jace. Jace couldn't help but look, every time it sent small shivers down his spine. Not only was she stunning but she was also smart. She'd flick that copper colored hair over her shoulder to answer a question and jace would feel as if his entire world was flipped upside down. All of this made him love her more, but what made it real, was the music.
Well that seems like the start to a innocent looking crush there, a nice little setup you've got leading towards that whole thing at the very beginning with the description of what this girl was viewed, which seems to also tie into that title quite well and then of course going ahead with the exception to the rule that I believe will be driving this story.
At any rate, this seems to be a pretty wholesome story at first glance, and situations like this one always get me interested in reading a story, so as far as I can see, this is off to a really nice little start here, let's see where this could possible be heading.
Their completely the same taste in music was what made jace finally realize that this was the girl he wanted forever. He found out through a friend that if you were in computer class with her you could see her iTunes library, the next time jace was in computer he did that right away. The entire list screamed indie, and jace loved it. Her amber eyes flicked over to him, framed with dark lashes, and he ducked his head. My god. She had looked at him. Suddenly he saw her chair scoot backwards as the longest legs he'd ever seen, better than the dreams based on them could ever be, extend as she stood and walked over to him. He died a little inside when, in a deep voice she said- "are you jace miller?" He nodded nervously. "I think it's only fair for you too see my library if I can see yours. What's the password?" Jace wrote it down and she walked away. Needless to say he watched her the entire way back to her seat.
ALright, well that was a pretty sweet little ending too there, with everything seemingly going quite well for the protagonist here, and that's a lovely sign there to end this first part off on, we get the sense that perhaps this is going to continue as a happy story there.
The ending there is a tinnny bit confusing there, most likely cause of the slightly confusing dialogue tags, I believe if that last bit of conversation was set out as paragraphs with a few more dialogue tags to make it a little clearer who's saying what that would tidy up that part. At any rate, this seems like an fun little story that I would in fact read here:D
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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