Published November 4, 2013
Illusions are some of the most wonderful and hurtful things in the world. As long as peoples illusions are in place the world is the most amazing and wonderful place to be for them. The sun is brighter, birds seems to sing more, in general you are just happy and want everyone around you to be as happy as you are. You have a reason to get up in the mornings with a smile on your face and a feeling that you can and will overcome anything that stands in your way no matter how hard it may seem.
Illusions are a self preservation instinct. Some are bigger than others but all in all most are small little things that make our lives so much better than before.
The problem with illusions is that sooner or later they will get shattered like the lies that they are. Now don't shake your head and say to yourself thats just not true. . .becasue if you actually look into your heart you know that its true . . . illusions are white lies we tell ourselves to make our lives better. . . .no thats not true they make us feel better about our lives and if you tell yourself enough times you start to believe them. . . in some cases they come true depending on what they are . . . but in most they are only pipedreams that you wish would happen.
I think the hardest part of shattered illusions is that deep down you always know right before they shatter that it is going to happen , things change around you and you tend to ignore the signs hopeing that you are wrong and that nothing is going to change. But in the end they shatter, they always do and it seems to be the illusions that we hold onto the hardest and mean the most to us that hurt the worst.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,790 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
I loved the title to this! It caught my attention immediately.
I thought the topic was very unique, and you played it off as if it was an every day thing. Love it.
Just a few critiques:
"Now don't shake your head and say to yourself thats just not true. . .becasue if you actually look into your heart you know that its true"
"thats" should have an apostrophe. Also, "becasue" should be "because." One other thing; instead of the three dots, you should just put a comma.
I thought you did a good job on this, and I hope t see more from you soon.
Keep up the awesome work!
Hi, I am The Raven, Knight of the Green Room, and I will be reviewing your work at this moment. This is the first time I am reviewing a work categorised as an 'Other', so bear with me as I work out the kinks of reviewing such a thing. My review will be divided into the sections 'What Is Good' and 'What Needs Improvement/Suggestions'. Now, let's get down to business.
What Is Good:
1) You've chosen an interesting topic, which is illusions. It is highly open-ended, and anything is possible with it. It offers freedom for both the writer and the reader to think and imagine. For example, illusions could mean a lot of things, and I've had fun thinking about what you mean by illusions. It's good that instead of sticking to just one single definition, you're using it for all its worth. Good stuff.
What Needs Improvement/Suggestions:
1) The paragraph with all those ellipses didn't work out for me. I believe you are going for the unreliable narrator who happens to be suffering from the same problem as his topic imply, but this being non-fictional, I don't see a reason it should be there.
2) You seem to be skimming through the subject, and this is most obvious in the paragraph with the ellipses. You could have elaborated so much more on each side of illusions, just like you did with the paragraph. A lot of missed opportunities there.
Each sentence in the paragraph with the ellipses could have been further expanded, and it can be done without making it seem boring. The topic, after all, is open-ended.
3) I feel that this would have done a lot better as a fictional piece. As a non-fiction, it gives general information about illusions. As a fiction, you could do so much more. By giving it a plot and a character we could empathise with, you could go deeper into the subject of the illusion, as you'd be practically simulating how it's like. Plus, if you give us the uncensored thoughts and emotions of the characters involved, well, that'd shed plenty of light on the subject right?
Fiction or non-fiction, we are informed as readers either way. Fiction is not less real than non-fiction, it's just reality portrayed in a different way, with its own focuses, advantages and disadvantages.
4) However, if you insist on the non-fiction category, I would suggest going from the general to the specific, the personal. Give examples of people with illusions, tell us the effects. Case studies could easily close that gap. For that, you could either draw from your own experiences, or do some research and cite your sources.
Well, I'm afraid that's all I have. I hope I've helped. Keep writing!
Hi, Cheetah here to review your lovely piece!
You have a very interesting concept here. I like it. You really made me think and, as a writer, that's definitely what you want. Since you don't really need any overall corrections, I'll make the really nit-picky ones.
Just a little thing, it should be 'seem' rather than 'seems'.
There were a few things here. One, 'thats' needs an apostrophe. Two, it's spelled 'becuase', and three, the 'its' should be changed to 'it's' because it's a conjunction of 'it is'.
Just switch it to 'hoping'
That's all I could find! You really did good on this, I can't wait to read more from you. Keep writing!