Last Night

I was never so ashamed of myself as when I stood there watching her smile. Her cold fingers locked tight around my hand, damp as she blushed like a red wine within a clear bottle. It wasn't that attractive, but I couldn't really stop what was happening. I felt my over bitten jaw tighten a bit, grinding my teeth forward enough that I probably didn't look all that unusual to her any more, and I imagine the glint in her flushed face was one of triumph.

We stood in the doorway of the small foot-smelling room as the dim lights did nothing to hide the cheaply beige walls and the sweat of people flopping around in dresses they'd never been taught to manage, and too many layers in suits they never wore. Her hand tightened in mine as she pointed out a couple short dresses and exclaimed something about there and go, that I couldn't make out under the blaring wail of the current singer.

I didn't need to understand as I was dragged over to a set of three parakeets chirping about with their sticks cluttered against a foam column at the edge of the dance floor. I gratefully became a stick. "Yo," I nodded my head up at Rodger.

"You got stuck with Beth?" he asked, his voice low enough to sneak beneath the register of squealing female singers as the girls twirled about and fawned over one another.

I shrugged and shoved my hands in my pockets. He gave me a long stare, I pointedly ignored in favor of watching the girls. His date was much more appealing to me, with a longer dress and her hair done up rather than the short fluffy pink rumple of fake royal youth Beth had on. "Someone had to take her," I suggested.

"You don't have to take her if you don't like her, that's kind of the thing," Rodger huffed.

I could only feel my stomach knot as I knew it was true. Rodger had been the first Beth had asked. I remember him calling me up afterwards and telling me to just ignore her for a week. That had been two days ago. I wasn't her next target though. I got the same call from Bob yesterday. I could still see the traces of tears from her thick raccoon eyes she'd failed to get off completely when she came to me. At least I knew I'd get somewhere.

Beth's face darkened as she glanced over at me, and flushed again like a bright red tumor from the top of the dress. She came up close and I stiffened staring down at her.

"Yeah?" I asked curiously. She grabbed my clip-on tie, and pulled me over, gently, and I obliged her, leaning close.

"I want to dance." Her breath nearly made me pull back, forget the tie, and leave. It wreaked of garlic and three day old milk. Still, I endured, glancing at Rodger and lifting my eyebrows with a wild grin. I escorted my lady to the dance floor.

Beth wiggled and thrust about like some snake cut in half. I still shiver at the thought. She did her best to be pretty, to toss her hair about in a way that mimed exotic dancers, and to give me that look with her eyes, that enticing allure models perfected, but she was hardly close to any of it, and as she rounded about, smacking me in the face with her hair, again, I could take no more. I pulled her close and captured her wild ways with my hands on her hips. Oh god, if only I didn't have to see her trying to dance again, I would be the luckiest man in the world.

"Like that did you?" she giggled, rubbing against me. We were deep enough in the thick of things that I barely felt safe grinding, but I felt asses and shoulders against my back and side as she pushed against me.

I suppressed a whine in pain.

She giggled again and dug herself harder, letting out a breathy moan.

"Oh god," I couldn't hold it in, it was just too much, but I couldn't get away. Rodger was barely two or three people over, and our eyes clamped together like I'd vowed my life to keeping Beth away from him!

Her clammy hand drew my face back and her lips dug into mine. It was all I could do to keep our mouths closed. It was then that I began to pray the night would end quickly, and we'd get kicked out of the dance separately.

YMCA was my salvation.

"Isn't this great!" She cried as she threw her arms up and around, bouncing.

"I need a drink!" I told her bluntly. She didn't know I meant alcohol.

"What!" she yelled back.

"I'm going to get a drink!" I told her, and bolted as chorus ended, for the moment. I didn't get a drink, no, I nearly bowled over a couple girls as I pushed out into the hall.

"Isn't that Joe?"

"Yeah he's with Beth. I wonder if she's pregnant yet," I heard as the door pulled open.

"I don't know but I heard she has crabs or herpes or something."

Ice shivered down my skin and I shook off the notion. No, she couldn't have crabs, or herpes. That just didn't happen at our age group, right? She wasn't hard to get, but who would have it to give it to her in the first place?

I retreated to the bathroom anyway, washing off my face like water could take off the red lipstick trying to mar my under bite.

"Hey, Beth's looking for you," Rodger offered as he came in. I don't know how long I just stood there staring at my lips like they would transform. His hand broke my reflection and jerked me back to reality. "Beth's looking for you. If you don't get back there soon, she might end up crying, and wailing and making such a fuss Tony and I will never have a good time."

"How can I go back there?" I nearly sank into the sink. "Her breath smells like a sewage bag and I don't think I can stand another minute of watching her dance."

Rodger sighed and pulled me up by my arm. "You're going to go back there by walking, and you're going to damn well smile and bear it before she starts down her suicide rant again and ruins my night. This isn't about you any more dude, this is about taking one for the team. We've all been there. Last year at the 9th grade formal, I was there, and for homecoming, it was Bob's turn. Now until you can convince Tony to drop her, we have to put up with it." He shoved me towards the door, and it released me into the lion's den.

I stood outside staring helplessly at the exit down the hall. It wasn't until I heard the bathroom door open again, that I jerked awake to see the girls coming out of the bathroom. Beth was between Tony and Ashley. Her mascara had run again. The streaks down her cheeks where there wasn't any foundation were as gaudy as her black eyes.

"Hey, there you are," I smiled. Oh god, let it be over.

"I want to go home." Beth sniffed, coming over to me. "Take me home. I want to go home."

"Alright. Let me just say goodbye to Rodger and-"

"I'll wait outside," her shoulders were slumped like she were just a rolling mountain as she slunk towards the exit as Tony and her friend went back inside the party.

"What are you still doing here?" Rodger came out of the bathroom before I moved, still stuck, but now the threat was at both ends.

"Uh, I'm taking Beth home. I'll see you Monday."

"Thank god," Rodger exclaimed and shooed me off, shoving past me to get to the doors to the dance.

Finally able to move, as if his touch again brought me back to reality, I plodded towards the doors to the exit. I didn't get far as the door to the dance swung open nearly smacking me in the face, and as it cut between me and Beth, I could see all the girls lining up against the dance floor, waving their skirts about together, and swinging their arms.

I spotted a couple, for a second, dancing hand in hand like they were the sexiest things in the world; then it was gone between the sea of sweating bodies, and the door snapped shut with that little snick.

Out the glass doors, Beth sat on the curb, her fluffy pink dress tamed enough to cover her butt from the cold concrete, and her purse strap in her hands. Her head was down. It felt like forever until I got to the door, but I wished it had been longer.

"Come on," I didn't give her a hand up, though she looked for one. We walked in silence to the car. She pulled open the old clunky door, tumbling inside like my backpack always did, landing in the seat in a heap of disgruntled agitation, but she righted herself, unlike my backpack could. She fixed her dress, brought in her legs, and buckled up. I slid in to the glove that was my driver's seat and the engine groaned, and groaned, and begrudgingly admitted life.

"You don't like me either, do you?" she asked once she'd trapped me into driving. I'd already pulled out of my spot, and begun to roll towards the exit of the lot.

"Uh," I couldn't answer, my mind racing with explanation.

"It's okay. I think I'm realizing that no one really likes me anymore."

I turned on the radio.

"Why did you even bring me to this dance if you don't like me? Why'd you say yes?" Beth asked, twisting down the nob until silence encased us again.

God, she lived across town.

"I wanted to go, and I needed a date," I told her, pulling off the clip on tie, and tossing it in the back. I never found it again.

"It wasn't because I'm easy?" she asked quietly. "Ashley said that she saw you winking at Rodger, and that you were probably just taking me to the dance to have sex."

"Well, originally, yeah."

Her face darkened and she stared out the window. "I'm not some whore." she set her jaw.

"I never said you were," I tried to defend, the light was red, why was the light red?

"But you thought I'd have sex with you just because we went to a dance together," she countered as the cars wandered by. "You wanted to grind with me, and kiss me."

"Don't assume that. I just didn't want to see you make a fool of yourself!" I would have rather been T-boned than say it, but I said it, and my foot was, somehow, still on the break. At least it was better than what I was thinking.

"Oh, yeah, because my dancing is so horrible I need to rub against your penis instead," she crossed her arms over her chest.

I didn't try to counter her. I didn't say a thing.

We drove the rest of the way in silence, and when I stopped in front of her house, she was out of my car before I could turn off the engine, so I didn't. I just waited for her to shut the door, then re-shut it when the belt jammed it open, and drove off before she made it up her driveway.

When I heard in school the next day that she'd tried again, I was never so ashamed as when I remembered her smiling.