To Fall or Rise: Chapter 4

She beat a rug, pausing to push her scarf out of her face. She must've put it too far back; the sister watching her and the three other initiates clicked her tongue. Merin pulled the scarf down a little, so the edge of it played in her vision.

The work was hard, especially since she hadn't lifted a finger for years, Her hand throbbed with each hit. She often went one hand, but the sister clicked her tongue once she saw which was almost immediately.

The kinder sisters who wrapped her hand in fresh bandages from the infirmary promised things would get better as she rose in the ranks. They never gave a time frame.

She thought they were very free with their promises.

All of the sister's seemed to know what her hand meant, but they all treated her differently. Some gave her looks of reverence and gave her preference. Others treated her distain, gave her the worst jobs. They took no consideration of her hand.

She wished everyone would just treat her normally though she dare not complain.

One of the few older ladies left of the group Merin had come from had been very loud about the outrage of a noble lady working like a slave. The sisters had put her back in the rooms so many of their group had never emerged from. The last Merin had seen of her, the old woman had her chin up proudly though her eyes snapped about fearfully. The last she had said to her fellow initiates was, "I'm escaping early, is all. This will happen to all of you as well."

Though they were merely the words of a frightened woman, Merin couldn't shake the ice could grip of truth.

They never saw the woman again.

Something warm slipped down her arm. She sighed and dropped her wounded hand again, trying to keep the beat steady, so the sister wouldn't look over. The sisters in the infirmary wouldn't be happy.

She wished she knew their names, to from the cruel sisters like the one watching her now, but the servants of the goddess gave up their names. They were all one body, one mindset. Names would only act as a separation between servants.

Or that's what they said.

Merin wasn't so sure she believed it.

Not that she was going to tell anyone that, so now she responded to 'initiate' as did all the others. Unlike the others though, something did set her apart: her hand.

Which was now bleeding through her bandage.

Her beating stopped as bells rang throughout the temple.

"Your rugs will be inspected, and if they don't meet standards, you will be staying up late tonight, doing this all again."

Cradling her hand, Merin studied her rung with an apathetic eye. She had had ot stay after dinner three days out of the week so far.

The infirmary sisters promised she would grow accustomed to the standards of the goddess…

She made her way to the infirmary, hoping for more of the painkilling herbs that allowed her to work. It also gave her a floating freedom, so she- unlike the older initiate or several of the others who had been silenced only by fear- felt little shame or discomfort by doing annual labor. She just wished she could get more sleep.

Huming, she turned through a few corridors. They were all dark. Dark stone, no decoration, one window at the end of the hall. She liked to stand by the window and soak in the sunshine until she heard someone coming.

Two things she missed: sunshine and the sound of her name.

She stopped in front of the window, closing her eyes, admiring the red it painted on the inside of her eyelids. Her eyes fluttered open as she sighed, and she stared into another face. It seemed to be an eternity frozen and compressed into that moment where they studied each other in equal shock. She heard herself whisper a soft, "Oh" and saw him murmuring something of the same.

He stumbled back and dashed away.

She followed on the other side of the wall, trying to find a door. The damn building made it hard to get outside.

On purpose. She was sure.

She ran past the hallway full of now abandoned rooms where she had started. Finding the door she had come through, she struggled with some bolts and finally wrestled the door open. There was a pause, and she had to wonder why she was chasing a man out of the temple and wasn't just letting him go on his way.

The answer came softly, so she could have ignored it if she had wished, but she did not. There truly three things she missed. She missed men as well. The sound of their voices, the way they looked, the way they would watch her. She wanted to go back to her sin, praying the goddess wouldn't find her.

She ran to the opening of the courtyard that lay, fallow, in the middle of the building. A rather terrifying gate kept people out and, she supposed, people in. He must’ve picked the lock or... She smiled as she found him straddling the top. “Hello.” For a moment, as he started with a look of terror, she was afraid he would fall. “Hold on. I won’t hurt you.” She saw now, as she had time for a closer study, that he truly a child, but that held even more interest than the presence of a man had.

Before, she had never been fond of children, but now, after being given the knowledge that she could have had one, one that shared whatever made Merin, not one of her sister’s wives’ which she had been told to consider ‘hers,’ her interest in tiny people had sharpened considerably.

He eyed her with suspicious, and she smiled softly. “Are you hungry? I can get you something to eat.” He legs looked thin, and she was surprised to find how greatly she was bothered by this observation.

He paused. “What kind?”

“Oh... Some bread. Perhaps something warm if I can sneak it out.”

He nodded slowly. “Alright. You better not be trickin’ me.”

“A smart boy like you? I know better.” She gave one more encouraging smile as reason to stay. “Just wait for me to come back. Alright?”

He nodded, clambering down slowly. “I’ll get in trouble if I get home after eleven.”

“I’ll get it to you before then.”

He gave her a holey grin. “Thanks, miss.”

“Don’t mention it. I’m happy to do it.” She slipped back inside, the same giddiness she felt when she was sneaking out of her husband’s house to see a lover spread through her to tingle in her fingers. Sisters rarely went out, and initiates weren’t allowed out at all. They were herded like cows most of the time, but because she needed care in the infirmary, she was allowed to go without an escort. The number of sisters was surprisingly low, and few could be spared to take one initiate to the infirmary. She hurried to the infirmary. She didn’t want to keep the boy waiting too long.