Young Writers Society

Hey SleeplessEnd! -



I like this piece because everyone wants to know what hell is like. And if they will go to hell. Anyways, I enjoyed it! Just like all your other pieces it brings me in. I know there may be people out there who will try to crush your dreams. And I don't know if you want to pursue being a writer or not but I think you should, you are very talented. A lot of readers enjoy poetry and I love your pieces. !(:

Ps, Keep writing. You are one of the best writers here on yws.

- Alexiss! ((((((((((:

I really love the chills I get from this poem. I'm a big fan of the creepy kinds of poetry. Edgar Allan Poe is my favorite poet after all. I'm no big authority on poem structure, unfortunately. All I can say is I enjoyed reading this.

(I accidentally commented on one of your reviews, whoops) xD

JC here for a review!

Let me start by saying I love the style and use it often myself. The short groupings of words, the small amounts of punctuation. It liberates me it makes me feel free like a writer should.

Starting off with one word in the beginning is well interesting! I have not seen this yet but I enjoy it. So from the start the person knows they've died and went to hell. Looking for something familiar or what they perceive to find in hell is an indication to me that the person was relatively sinful. Ok so the person was a murderer and wants to murder the others in the waiting room for Hell. A daily feeling of killing, that's intense I did not expect this from the title. It's as if this person is the devil himself, maybe he gets the others to follow him out of fear.

I enjoyed the style and the context of the poem. I feel it could be longer and with more of a description of the waiting room as is the title. Good job man I look forward to more.

JC

Wow!
I'm amazed at this poem. I loved the concept, and your rhymes were really really good. I could read it to such a creepy-sounding rhythm that brought about a nice effect. The story was perfect. The only thing I have to review here is the punctuation, and that's such a minor thing and doesn't affect the message at all. I don't want to go through and point out every little thing that could be better punctuation-wise, but if I were you and if I wanted to have "correct" punctuation," Then I would go through it and write it out as prose, and punctuate it like that.

You had some really good visuals and sensory details in here. I loved this poem. Great Job, Keep writing!
~Fortis

ED here to review.

I found this well, interesting... but it seemed to fall a little flat. We've seen stuff like this, a thousand times over. It's your job to make this new and a breaker of cliches.

That being said, I found this to be the most original aspect of the poem:

Everything looks normal

Just as it seems on earth

My soul is to be damned eternal

To a place I lived since birth?

My malicious smile hung low

“Come on my little ones”

“To hell we go”

Wow! Superb poetry! I liked this very much.
Now let me explain myself...
What I liked...
The sound of this poem.
The feeling I get from it.
The goosebumps I got when I read the poem.
The whole poem.
The scheme concept everything.

What can be done...
This can be divided into stanzas after the bugs are fixed.
Some punctuations would really help.
Needs little polishing.

Overall...
Good job! Pretty nice work!

Thats all. Hope to be of some help. Have a nice day.