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Published October 15, 2013
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142,234 Literary Works • 677,062 Reviews
Hi Sleeplessend!
The other thing that confused me was the beginning. What was the significance of the date? Do you lose your imaginary friend when you reach a certain age? Overall, this was a beautiful piece, and I really felt attached to the child because we have all been there and felt that same heartbreak of losing our best friend, imaginary or not. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!
I really like your poem! It makes me think of my imaginary friend when I was younger. I like your descriptive adjectives and the pleading notes throughout the poem. At first, I thought it to be about a girlfriend or maybe a regular friend, but then I realized it was about an imaginary friend when you said the thing about mommy. The only things I might want to improve would be to be careful about the length of some of your stanzas and your use of repetition. I know the pleads are supposed to be similar, but you should be careful like with “I will do anything”
“I will do all that I can” Although maybe that was what you were going for, in which case you should just completely disregard that part.
-Storygirl95
Hi Sleeplessend, have a good day! Dream with review on your wonderful poem.
The first thing I see when reading your poem is that it requires some punctuation to make it running smoothly through each lines. But I try to not care about it and then look at the theme and messages you would like to convey.
I'm really impressed with the beats you do in these lines.
I like the diction you use and the language styles you presented here.
Nevertheless, this part of your poem is a bit bother me. It is a hyperbolic element that provides extreme within the meaning of the poem. Some are able to beautify the meaning, but here it looks a bit freak.Letting go of someone especially your friend indeed not easy. But should it ended just like that? You seem to lose hope and assume all is over. The memories should not died when you are really a good friend to him/her; the same if he/she truly a loyal friend ). It may also be caused by the crisis between yourself and your friend, then it make sense.
Overall, it is still a nice poem to read. I love the idea when you use a narrative form to deliver the messages. Keep it up!
Kudos,cheers.
I find this poem really intriguing. Your incorporation of spoken elements is an interesting technique, I think it is very successful in creating an heir of desperation in the poem and overall creating different layers to it. However, You may want to consider splitting it up further into verses in places where there are transistions in the flow. For example after "From dusk til dawn." That however, is a matter of opinion and you would have to see how it works for you.
Something I really like about this poem is the language and imagery- "I feel the walls of my room constricting like a python." I feel like this line gives us the image of a struggle at the same time as the image of enclosing space, which works well along with the theme of your poem. Words such as "vile," and "everlasting" were also used well towards developing the theme.
One last comment is in regards to the ending. I find it throws me off a little bit, although that could be me just not fulling grasping it. I feel like it makes it seem childish or petty in contrast to the rest which is powerful and dark.
Overall this is a very successful piece and definitely enjoyed reading it, keep writing!
After looking at the ending i see what you mean. The ending is supposed to signify that the friend is not real, its an imaginary friend and the child is broken. Perhaps i will edit it to make it seem that way and it will be better. Thank you for the review