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Am I, the madman?

by Crowley

Am I, the madman?

The weak shiver of the sigh?

The dark shadow of the brow?

The grey hollow of the eye?

Am I, the lunatic?

The pale knife's shine?

The breaker of bone?

The snapper of spine?

Am I, the deviant?

The blister that won't mend?

The left hand of God?

The unexpected end?

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105 Reviews

Points: 6357
Reviews: 105

Sun Oct 27, 2013 11:12 pm
emjayc wrote a review...

Well, I myself don't find anything at all wrong with this poem (grammatically or otherwise.) I read it aloud and it sounds good. It's well-written and I like the format, how it's a bunch of questions. This is the type of poem that makes one ponder over the words; it's thought-provoking. I enjoyed it and I like the length because it suits the theme. If you wrote more poetry like this I'd like it. I vaguely remember something like this in Dead Poets Society like you said :)

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30 Reviews

Points: 462
Reviews: 30

Tue Oct 15, 2013 2:35 am
Sleeplessend wrote a review...

This was a very good piece. I like to read work that asks the reader the question and makes you answer internally of what it should be. I feel this would have been much more enjoyable if you had described the different emotions one might go through with these kind of experiances to the victim. Then maybe more questions of the ways of perhaps ending the life itself and the madman asking himself if he is perhaps ok with all of these questions he asks himself. Nonetheless for such a short piece was very enjoyable to read. :)

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Points: 240
Reviews: 100

Thu Oct 10, 2013 1:29 pm
Juliette Aurora says...

I loved the movie "Dead Poet's Society", and I remember that part very vaguely. I like this!

[ Edit ]

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592 Reviews

Points: 1281
Reviews: 592

Thu Oct 10, 2013 2:14 am
fortis wrote a review...

Just a quick review as I don't have time for a full one.
I really liked your premise, wondering if you are the odd-one-out. I like the way you presented this theme, using all questions. I like the details you used. Your rhyme was a *little* forced but it wasn't too bad.

The rhythm in the line that says "The blister that won't mend?" seems a little off, and the rhyme feels a bit forced in that line especially.

One thing I didn't like was the comma in your title. I don't know if you meant to have it there, but I don't think it works. I also didn't like the comma in the lines that started with "Am I." It doesn't seem like there should be a comma there. If you are asking "is this me? Am I this?" There doesn't need to be one. The way you have it... I don't even know what it would be saying. It's just wrong in my eyes. But if you want to keep it, that's your business.

I was just about to say that I felt you ended too suddenly, and that we needed a nice ending here, but then I reread you last line. That was pretty genius. Great job.

Anyway, I like the message you're trying to send and the way in which you sent it. I really like this poem as a whole.
Great job, keep writing!

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363 Reviews

Points: 28237
Reviews: 363

Thu Oct 10, 2013 1:25 am
DreamWork wrote a review...

Hi Crowley, DK here with review on your poem.

Your poem is exciting and full of questions. It is a cynical tone and dissatisfaction with the views of others to your own self.They consider you as mad and all sorts of other unpleasant words.
You also explained every words with the symbol of other things which makes this poem interesting to read.

Am I, the madman?
The weak shiver* of the sigh?
The dark shadow* of the brow?
The grey hollow* of the eye?

Diction was so ideal that even though some of them seem a bit 'lost' to the right impact in meaning.
The pale* knife's shine?

Preferably replaced with another word.Maybe dull or something else? ;)
Overall,good job.I enjoyed reading you poem.

Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.
— Willie Nelson