The Piano Is Black

I really. really love this poem! However, instead of doing my usual poetry review, I just want to say a few things:
1. I think this would be a lot more effective if you divided it into stanzas. When I read this, I paused at certain parts that ended the "phrase." The flow was great, but it could've been better if it was in stanzas.
2. The imagery was outstanding! Spot on! It was absolutely great!
3. You portrayed this idea really nicely and I can't complain. Amazing!

My Favorite Part:

All colors and sizes are wounds day to day
But all are alike, for we all feel the pain.
My fingers have stopped. Know the music has won
'Cause I’ve played the piano.
And now I am done.

I love this poem, and feel it really encompasses the true drama of the passion of music. I do have a few comments that might make a difference, but the poem is great the way it is!

"The piano is black.
White are its keys.
My fingertips kiss each one, a tease,
A touch on the high notes, a tickle, a taste -
A whisper of starlight, gone without trace."

I love the way this starts, happy, aloof, and it makes me want to read on. Good job as a writer here.

"A glimmer, a hint, a breath over me,
Washing like water, feelings so free.
Suddenly, the lights begin to dim
A beat is formed of meager whim.
It slithers 'cross the page, but slow -
Murderous melodies have stayed for the show.
It changes again to a path newly formed,
The highway to anger and hatred, forlorn.
Things start to quicken, heart starts to pound
to the unstable rhythm that’s running abound.
Stomping on pedals, suck in a breath,
Remember the beginning and feel through the rest."

The above is just as good and enticing as the first, but I feel as though this section (for the sake of organization) should be its own stanza.

"Banging out chords, keep up the pace
I throw the bench back, hair falls in my face -
Think of the times, revive all your strifes
Resurrect all your woes, what went wrong in your life -
Put 'em in a blender, vomit them out"

Just a little note about the above, I feel like the last line should say "them." "'Em" kind of takes away from the seriousness of this section of the poem, and the extra syllable doesn't throw the rhythm off at all.

"Onto the page, what I play about.
My fingers now tremble, notes become sparce"

Is it possible that you were looking for the word "scarce?" It makes slightly more sense. Great visualization.

"The darkness grows blacker, we weep for our scars."

I love the visual with this line, but "scars" throws off the rhythm. Is it possible to replace with something like "our scars excite tears" or "our scars being up tears?" The visual is a must for this poem, so I do not think you should get rid of the crying imagery, but I don't think you should break rhythm for it either.

"All colors and sizes are wounds day to day
But all are alike, for we all feel the pain.
My fingers have stopped. Know the music has won
'Cause I’ve played the piano.
And now I am done."

Again, the only think I can say about the last part is some rhythm issues, but besides that it's perfect. I would put an "I" before know, just for formality, because it seems too informal the way it is compared tot he rest of the poem. Just like with "'em" I would change "'cause" to because, since the extra syllable actually seems to fit perfectly here, and the shortened version is a little out of place.

Overall, I greatly enjoyed this poem, and could feel the passion of a true pianist behind it even though I have never played myself, and that is the true goal of a writer. Good job!

Wow, I thought this was great. Still recovering, whoo!

Anyways, this was a BEAUTIFUL piece, and I really enjoyed it. I'm not a fan of peotry, but this really moved me.

First of all, you used really nice formatting. I thought that using commas instead of constant indentions made this piece better than it would've been. It really added to the AWESOMENESS of the piece, so I considered that a highlight of this whole poem.

I just thought a few phrases were a little weird.

The way you use the reader's accent was kind of a weird choice. You say "It slithers 'cross the page, but slow," "Put 'em in a blender, vomit them out," and "'Cause I’ve played the piano." That actually annoyed me, I could look over it because of the overall greatness of the poem.

Lastly, I loved your description in the whole poem. "The darkness grows blacker, we weep for our scars." Oh my God, that phrase, it's just so beautiful! This whole poem has disturbing and beautiful writing, and I thank you for writing it.

Thanks,
Alex.

Hi abnat22,DK here with review on your poem.

I really like your writing style in this poem. That is, it was so poetic and vibrate in my soul when I read your poem. Just a little comments about the sentence structure that may seem rigid but can be transformed into something much more smoothly when you read it aloud.

The piano is black.
White are its keys.

The highway to anger and hatred, forlorn.
Things start to quicken, heart starts to pound
to the unstable rhythm that’s running abound.

Unique work,as i read through my mouth went ajar at the expense of my ear,seeing such beauty in words,much more than what i anticipated(towards the end).I'm not really the "bests of poets"..but am certain of one thing;poetic beauty and i saw that in this...way to go pal...mayb there is one or two corrections you could make,as for me its almost perfect.