z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Kira's Story, Chapter 11

by dragonfphoenix


Delta Thread, Chapter 4

“So Seth’s missing, we have an army waiting in the desert, and we have no idea if Obsidian’s really out or not.” Shadow said, crossing his arms. “Brilliant.”

“It’s okay to take your helmet off.” Caden said, sighing. “I know you’re feeling the frustration we’re all experiencing right now. It’s okay to show it.”

“I put the helmet on before I got here.” Shadow said, turning away. He was wearing a helmet that resembled certain motorcycle helmets on Earth, but his metallic visor was filled with technology that allowed him to run the various missions he encountered in his travels. His form-fitting suit was a charcoal gray that matched his helmet, and resembled snakeskin.

“Lighten up.” Wildfire said, patting him on the back. “This happens to the best of us.”

“Sunburst, I really ought to give you a nice tail-kicking for that remark.” Shadow growled, shrugging of his brother’s hand. “Now is not the time for jokes.”

“Hey, take it easy. I just thought…” Wildfire began, but Shadow cut him short.

“You thought! Exactly! If you spent less time thinking and more time doing what you’re told…” Shadow snapped.

“Oh, such a temper. Is that why they call you Snatch?” Wildfire asked.

“No, this is.” Shadow replied, grabbing Wildfire’s shirt by the chest before the other could blink.

“Knock it off!” Caden snapped. “Shadow, you’re the oldest one here and you’re behaving worse than Sunny.”

“Sorry.” Shadow muttered, releasing Wildfire’s shirt. He walked to the balcony’s railing, arms folded once again.

“Thank you. Now, what do we know?” Caden asked.

“We know that we don’t know what to do.” Wildfire said.

“Sonny, that’s not helping.” Caden said.

“We need outside help, or at the least more information.” Shadow said, his back to them. “I keep thinking that I should have just taken them out while I was there.”

“They could still be there when you go back.” Caden said, then added, “And we don’t know whose side they’re on. I don’t want you razing their camp, to find out they meant know harm.” Shadow turned, and even with his visor blocking his view Caden could tell that Shadow was drilling him with a hard stare.

“Tell that to about a quarter of a million elves that are armed, and don’t register as elves.” Shadow said. “I scanned a few while I was there. They match, biologically speaking, but there was something else that the scanners couldn’t identify. That unnerves me. My scanners should be able to decipher anything, especially with as many places as I’ve been.”

“Easy, Shadow.” Wildfire said. “This is new turf. We don’t know what tricks Obsidian has up his sleeve.”

“Assuming he’s out.” Caden said. “But you’re right, Sunny, this is a new arena. Obsidian may not be here, but we don’t know what he’s left behind to cause trouble.”

“So we’re stuck waiting until he makes his first move, is that it?” Shadow asked, displeased.

“Until further notice.” Caden said, nodding reluctantly. “We can’t find out what his motive is until we have more information, and we’ve gathered all the hints we’re going to get for some time, I’m afraid. I think our time would be best spent preparing for the inevitable.”

“Which is?” Wildfire asked.

“That mass of…things coming here.” Shadow said. “You’re right about that much. They’re coming here, and not to make peace. So let’s get a little welcoming committee together, shall we?”

“Not just yet, at least not for you, Shadow.” Caden said. “Can you set up some long-range surveillance before joining in the preparations?”

Shadow pressed a button on the side of his helmet, and the polarized coating slid off his visor, revealing Shadow’s large smile. “That is part of the preparations, Cadence. We don’t want our guests arriving unexpectedly, now do we?”

Kira sat in her room, on the lush bed coated in silky blankets. The large, round pillows, typically arranged in her preferred order at the head of her bed, lay strewn all over the bed and floor. The blankets were in a similar state of order, a tangled heap that Kira sat on top of. She knew that two guards stood directly outside the double-doors to her bedroom, but she couldn’t sleep. Seth had been missing for two days, now, and Caden was no closer to figuring out the exact goals of the mystery army sitting above the Gypsies. Nor did he have any answers as to the evasive presence that he and his brothers kept sensing from the strange elves. The Guard had been stationed at its old posts on the Outer Wall, something that hadn’t been done in her lifetime, or her parents’ for that matter. Eldia had been in relative peace for over a hundred years; that had changed when Obsidian tried to take over, and even then the threat had been an internal instead of external one. It would be a waste of time and men to send soldiers away from where the problem was, so none had been sent to the Outer Wall. But now, with an army sitting just a short distance from their doorstep, doing apparently nothing, there was need for guards on the city’s walls.

She glanced over at the wall, which had a richly embroidered scene from one of the legends, a tale of an elf who staked all on the belief that his life was less important than the freedom and safety of his country. That tale had been from an era long before Kira’s great-grandparents’ grandparents, perhaps even generations beyond that. It showed the elf standing above a mound of fallen enemies, sword held high, and his face was both fierce and proud as he withstood the swarming mass of living foes beneath him. Kira had always liked that story for the sacrifice the young elf had made, and his willingness to put aside the derision and disbelief of others for his own confidence, little though it had been. He’d stood alone that night as the enemy had charged the city, and had slain hundreds before they finally slew him. He’d done little to stop the rush of the enemy, but he’d stemmed the flow of their momentum, and the Eldians had repulsed the shrieking fiends from the city’s walls. She smiled; all it took was one elf to stand up, and stand alone, to change the course of his country’s history. She had wanted to make such an impact on her country, for the better, she hoped, like that one elf had, so very long ago. A tear sprang into her eye as she thought that his real name had never been found out. So important, so valuable, so influential he’d been, and history hadn’t even remembered who he was. He was just a commoner, a nobody, that had become a hero, not because he’d been bred and raised to be one, but because no one else would be the one to take charge and stand in the gap. She glanced down at the inscription below the tapestry, to reread what she’d read more than a thousand times, ‘Hero; Forgotten in Name, But Remembered in Heart.’ That was how he was remembered today, simply as ‘Hero’.

She smiled as she remembered one of her old teachers, a kind, wizened woman who had always made her lessons interesting. One day Kira had come in crying because one of the noble’s sons had boasted that Kira could never be a good ruler because she was a girl. Her teacher had simply brushed the tears from her eyes and held Kira in her lap while she cried. When she’d finished, the teacher, whose name was Ara, had said, “Kira, don’t worry about those who speak only when they’re safe. Empty boasting is just empty boasting if it’s not upheld when the time comes. I know you’ve heard the story of Hero. It’s one of your favorites. Was he a good leader because he was born a noble’s son? No, he was a commoner, a faceless elf, until his actions showed him otherwise. Kira, heroes are not born, they’re made, made by their own beliefs that if no one else will do what’s right, they’ll be the ones to stand up, alone if necessary, and do what’s right. True, they are often princes, but that is because they were taught to take responsibility. Think about Hero’s story. Why weren’t the princes and the nobles the ones leading their people against the enemy? Because they didn’t have the character of a hero. Heroes are not what you are, but who you are.” Kira had remembered those words, and had written them down as her life’s goal. She had determined to have the character of a hero, even if no one supported her in her decision.

That outlook had served her well when her parents had died. By law she was old enough to rule, but many of the nobles had argued that she should either let a regent, or some other form of male co-ruler, be given equal authority with her to help her run the kingdom. She’d withstood both arguments, and won, despite making a few nobles disgruntled in the process. That was one of the benefits of her ‘insight’. She could see that nothing she could do, while maintaining her position, would satisfy some of the men now under her, and so she didn’t let it bother her too much. They were still loyal to the crown, the crown which she now held, and would serve her as long as she abided by the laws she had sworn to protect, and the people she had vowed to provide for. She had placated some by announcing that Caden would be her chief adviser, then the rumors began to circulate that there was a movement to have her married, or deposed. So while Kira disagreed with any kind of marriage at the moment, she had agreed to see suitors in Caden’s presence. Caden had simply dismissed all of those that had so far presented themselves as ‘ill-suited’ for Kira. Many of the nobles had silently fumed as, one by one, the suitors were dismissed, but none dared disagree with Caden. Caden could be imposing, to say the least, when he chose to be, and his being a Moderator also helped to stifle any potential conspiracies. Kira knew that many of the nobles didn’t have bad intentions. They just wanted to see tradition upheld. In their country’s history, only a few queens had ruled alone, and all had gone on to be married within the first year of their reign. Kira was entering her third. The cat Fe silently glided out from her closet, probably having just finished one of his naps. He walked over to the edge of the waves of blankets rolling off her bed, and sat expectantly.

“Come on up.” Kira said, patting the sheets beside her. He launched himself gracefully, and landed on the mound, barely making an indent in the sheets. “Are you going to talk today? Or do I get to talk by myself?” The cat just simply looked at her with his bright blue eyes and blinked once. She smiled, and scratched his chin. “Well, I’ll take that as a no.” she said, stroking his fur. “So, do you have any ideas about what’s going on? I’m at a loss, Caden’s doing the best he can, and his brothers are investigating. They haven’t found much, but I didn’t expect them to, either. Someone as smart as Obsidian wouldn’t show his hand until he was ready to.” Fe gave a low growl, then went back to purring softly. “Oh, and I suppose you think you could do better? But of course you could, if you chose to. That’s the key, getting you to choose to.” He looked up at her, then rubbed his head against her hand. “You really are a funny cat.” she said, running her fingers through the hair on his sides.

A gentle knock came at her door, and one of the guards said, “Caden here to see you, my Lady.”

“Send him in.” Kira called. The door opened silently, and Caden walked in, shutting it softly behind him.


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189 Reviews


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Reviews: 189

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Sun Sep 29, 2013 3:13 pm
manisha wrote a review...



Hullas . manisha here for chapter 11. Woah, I've never reviewed 11 chapters straight over here. You must feel honored darling XD.

I'll review as I read.

I like the start you have given this chapter. We see a touch of humor after a long break. That's a good thing.

“Sunburst, I really ought to give you a nice tail-kicking for that remark.”
Sunbrust? Wildfire, I'm guessing?

“No, this is.” Shadow replied, grabbing Wildfire’s shirt by the chest before the other could blink.
Snatch. Grabbing the shirt. I get it, LOL.

“And we don’t know whose side they’re on. I don’t want you razing their camp, to find out they meant know harm.
know is no. Minor typo.

I love the story of the elf. That was very well written.

Kira, don’t worry about those who speak only when they’re safe.
Nice quote.

Yes, now I can relate to Kira. Now I see a person in her. You have done really well in this chapter.

Dude, you are a really good writer, I can see it here. Make the previous chapters as good as this.
Well, I'm off to the next one.




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Sun Sep 29, 2013 11:12 am
DreamWork wrote a review...



Hi dragonfphoenix,Dark again to give review here ;)

I can feel that this story is getting interesting with the conflict exists when Seth disappears. So Shadow certainly play an important role in the story this time.He becomes one that important character in the plot story together with Kira.I need to say here that I started to know the characteristic of each them.

“Oh, such a temper. Is that why they call you Snatch?” Wildfire asked.

“No, this is.” Shadow replied, grabbing Wildfire’s shirt by the chest before the other could blink.

“Knock it off!” Caden snapped. “Shadow, you’re the oldest one here and you’re behaving worse than Sunny.”


Now we know how Shadow act when facing pressure here.I can totally feel the conflict between them.Good job!

Well,I start to like Kira here.She is kinda cool and mysterious when she talks with the cat.

“Are you going to talk today? Or do I get to talk by myself?” The cat just simply looked at her with his bright blue eyes and blinked once. She smiled, and scratched his chin. “Well, I’ll take that as a no.” she said, stroking his fur.


I like the story here,now I start to wonder what will happen to the next chapter! :D
Kudos,cheers
~Dark




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Sun Sep 29, 2013 10:58 am
PenguinAttack wrote a review...



Hola!

Maintain the spelling of your names, you have “Sonny” and “Sunny” here, and isn't Wildfire Shadow’s brother? Why doesn't he know why they call him Snatch? Totes weird.

Caden says these guys might mean no harm but then says they have to prepare for the inevitable and then Shadow says they don’t mean to make peace but he doesn't say anything about it? I don’t know, he seems all over the place about the issue.

Awkward Scene Change

“Kira was entering her third.” OMG Finally, a perfectly good way to explain a time difference, like two chapters after we needed it.

This chapter is way better than your others so far! There is more description and more cohesion of events, discounting the things I've mentioned above. I think we get more background for Kira, although I still think she’s a mostly empty character at this point, we still don’t have to love her and that’s why I don’t think I care whether or not she wins. I care more about Caden at this point; he’s a character who interests me. More than that, Fe interests me. There’s probably a problem when a mostly silent cat beats your main characters.

I think you are running in the right direction though and you’re moving in a way that suggests your final chapter might just be the right kind of chapter. You need to go back and make your other chapters as good as, and then better than, this one.

- Penguin.





Why can't I put the entire Bee Movie in the quote generator? Would you prefer if I put in the Shrek script instead?
— CaptainJack