z

Young Writers Society


Mature Content

Taking Flight (Part Two)

by ChangeTheWorld


Now they were married and neither could be happier. Kadi heard the shower turn off in the bathroom and playfully brushed her fingers through her hair. Jay walked in wearing only a pair of jean shorts that lay low on his hips. He was rubbing a towel over his dripping hair, but stopped short when he saw her staring at him.

He swallowed. Her beautiful, long legs seemed, to him, to go on for miles. She was covered only by a silk nightie that barely passed as a shirt. He threw the towel aside and smiled. “Morning, Love.”

Her heart beat faster when he smiled and a warm, tingly sensation spread all the way to her toes. “Morning,” she said lightly, draping her arm over his shoulder as he perched himself next to her.

“You look lovely,” he said.

“Thank you.” She looked him up and down. “So do you.”

And then he kissed her and she took in all the wonderful things about him: the way curly, brown hair fell into his eyes; his eyes, God those eyes; his smooth, warm skin; the way he held her in his arms as if she was something to break; his smile that always made her lose her breath; the way he loved her. They kissed for a while and she couldn’t think of a time in the foreseeable future that she would be able to breathe again.

His hand slid up her thigh and she pushed him away. “I have to get ready for work.”

Jay groaned. “I feel like you always do this to me.”

“It’s not my fault you always want it at the worst times.” She batted her eyelashes innocently.

He nuzzled into her neck and planted small kisses there. His lips were warm and inviting but Kadi knew she had to RSVP no this time. She couldn’t be late to work for a third time this week. It was embarrassing enough that everyone already knew why. So she kissed him lightly on the cheek and locked herself in the bathroom. Bracing herself against the sink and locking eyes with her reflection, she tried to bury the feelings that Jay had drawn out. Work, she thought over and over again until she found herself getting ready.

Finally ready to exit their closet of a bathroom, Kadi prepared for an ambush as she stealthily unlocked the door and crept out into the hallway. She was surprised to see Jay had already gone, but she smiled at the muffin and note he left in his place.

Kadi, go out with me tonight. Be ready by 7. ~Jay

. . . .

Jay was getting ready in the bedroom as Kadi studied herself in the mirror for the millionth time. Her hair was swept into a loose bun with strands of hair falling around her face. Made to look easy, the complicated hairdo had taken her over a half hour to get just right. Her earrings hung like chandeliers and sparkled like them too as she turned in the light. The matching necklace did the same as it lay just below her collar bones like it was meant to be there. The jewelry was really just to draw attention to her dress which clung to her body in halter form and gave out to a knee length skirt that fanned out when she turned. Always sitting in between tomboy and girly-girl, Kadi never knew how to label herself. But she did know that Jay always made her feel like a woman, so in turn she enjoyed dressing up like one for him.

She stroked the mascara brush over her eyelashes one last time before smiling at the results and smacking her lips in satisfaction. Someone’s fist landed heavily against their door: knock, knock.

Exiting the bathroom, she hoped it wasn’t one of those stupid door-to-door salesman; there wasn’t time for that now. The figure in the doorway was tall with broad shoulders, curly brown hair, and piercing blue eyes. Dressed for an evening out, he leaned casually against the door frame and smiled at her. He pulled a bouquet of carnations from behind his back and offered them to her.

“What are you doing?” She asked, but took them anyway.

The side of Jay’s mouth pulled up into a smile. “Picking you up for our date.”

Kadi’s heart melted a little; he thought he was being cute. He was being cute. “Come in silly.”

She turned to the sink to put the flowers in some water and when she turned back he was staring at her.

“What?” She asked, brushing her hands over her dress.

He smiled and pulled her to him. “You look beautiful is what.”

Her cheeks turned crimson and he got that protective feeling in the pit of his stomach that he only got when she looked her most innocent, her most beautiful. It made him want to hold her and never let go. He’d always wondered how he’d managed to land such a beautiful, smart, funny, compassionate girl. Jay had expected the lack of acknowledgment he received in high school; even back then she had been way out of his league. And after college he never expected a date either, he’d only asked for fear of regret if he didn’t, and boy would he have regretted it. She was perfect, absolutely perfect and he loved her so much he still couldn’t believe it was true. Some of those insecurities definitely resurfaced when he proposed; he’d almost sweat through his shirt.

“What?” Kadi asked again. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

The smile on his lips grew impossibly larger as he shrugged. “I guess it’s just because I love you so much.”

“Stop it.” She giggled, her cheeks heating up.

He bent down to kiss her cheek and her familiar scent rushed at him.

She smelled like summer rain, like his wildest fantasies.

God he never got used to it.

She smelled like heaven.

“Why,” he mumbled. “It’s true.”

He planted a kiss on her neck, on her cheek, and then on her mouth, wrapping his arms around her possessively. She sighed against his lips and he wanted her to do it again and again. He would do anything for her to make that sound.

“Jay,” Kadi whispered. “We have to go or we’ll miss our dinner reservations.”

“Who cares.”

“I do,” she stated pointedly. “I was asked on a night out and I want it.”

Jay groaned as his argument.

“Come on.” She took his hand and pulled him out the door. “This was your idea.”

He complied and pulled the door shut behind them.

. . . .

Kadi laughed. “She was not checking me out!”

“Was too,” Jay argued, just to hear the little hitch in her voice when she got riled up.

“Stop making things up.”

Jay smiled and pulled her into his arms. “Okay she wasn’t checking you out…”

“Thank you.”

“…She was checking me out.”

She wacked him in the arm with her purse, a clear response to his bad joke. Kicking off her heels, she walked into the bedroom to change. He followed her, rubbing his arm dramatically, playfully moaning to get sympathy.. Kadi took her jewelry off and laid it carefully in its velvet box.

“Stop being a baby,” Kadi laughed.

“But it hurts,” he whined.

She snorted. Just because she thought it was cute when he tried to get her attention didn’t mean she was going to give it to him. “Alright! What do I have to do to make you shut up?”

He breathed in sharply. “My pride!” And then he grabbed his chest dramatically and flopped back on the bed.

She shot him a playful glance in the mirror and finished taking out her hair. Jay was mesmerized by the way it fell in waves down her back. He got up, and wrapped his arms around her from behind.

“Hi.” She looked up shyly. She turned in his arms and put her lips to his ear. “Unzip my dress.”

His hand caressed the back of her neck for a moment before she felt the smooth material slide away from her skin. The dress dropped to her feet and Jay’s hands went back up to trace patterns on her back. Kadi shivered, reaching up to unknot his tie. He stared down at her and ran his hand through her hair. “Can I kiss you now?”

Kadi stood on her tip toes and pressed her lips to his. “You never have to ask.”

Jay flipped off the lights and carried her to bed in response.


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1634 Reviews


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Wed Oct 02, 2013 4:17 pm
Deanie wrote a review...



Back again ^^

I didn't see any technical things wrong in this chapter, which is great! But there's something about the story of the whole that is beginning to bother me...

I can see that Kadi and Jay are a great couple. Which is nice and all. But all they ever seem to do is be wrapped up in their love for each other. And it was fine for the first chapter - we were getting to know them and their situation and their emotions. But to only have romantic scenes in the second chapter as well? It was bothering me a bit. I was trying not to get too bored or ask myself, "when is the story going to actually start?" As much as I love romantic stories, something besides romance does have to happen in them too!

Really, other than that point there isn't anything wrong with this! So I shall read on :D

Deanie x




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Sun Sep 29, 2013 7:03 pm
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OliveDreams wrote a review...



Hi Change! Here to review as requested :) Team Rouge is going well! EEEEEEEEEEEE!

I love your imagery within your writing. It's so clear and I can really see you characters so clearly in my mind!

I only hope that they don't go on being this perfect forever - I need something to happen to shake things up! No man is that great.

I also see that have a tendency to use their names a lot throughout the whole piece. Maybe you could find another way to indicate the difference between them in some parts? It will spice it up a little!

Good luck! and keep Reviewing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Olive <3




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Sun Sep 29, 2013 3:16 pm
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InfiniteSnowfall wrote a review...



Hey ChangeTheWorld!

We're on different teams this time. And you surpassed me in your reviews! You have your third star already? Wow, you're a reviewing machine! I just barely passed fifty reviews! Haha.

Anyway, I have already read the first part. I just felt it didn't need another review because there're awesome ones there already.

So, of course I did like this. I am a huge sucker for cute romances. The way this is written out is kind of vague and fast, but I think it fits well with the writing style here. I like Jay's character. He's absolutely head over heels in love with her! So cute. <3

As for the review - I didn't find any grammar mistakes really. I did find this part a little startling:

Now they were married and neither could be happier. Kadi heard the shower turn off in the bathroom and playfully brushed her fingers through her hair.

~ So after finishing part one, then reading this one, I felt like it was sort of fast and informative.

I know it's probably hard to find the words to transition between the time gaps smoothly. I'm not even sure how it could be changed. Hmm. Maybe turning that one sentence into a small paragraph and briefly going over the details/emotions they felt during the wedding?

Kadi, go out with me tonight. Be ready by 7. ~Jay

~ This is just a suggestion - this note from Jay can be italicized if you want. It'll simply stand out in the writing, letting the readers know it is the note. It's not needed though. :)

All right well I'm gonna end the review here. Thanks for the fun read! Also, Happy Review Day and keep writing! Now I'm going to head over to chapter three. :)

Yours till the Chocolate Chips,
Snow




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Sun Sep 29, 2013 1:33 am
Iggy wrote a review...



Hi dear. Here to deliver my 200th review! :D

Okay, so I'm bouncing in from chapter one since this needs a review more than that does. It's so cute so far! And no, it doesn't seem cliche. Yet. Be careful when working with love stories! Know that every relationship has its ups and downs, and not everything is perfect. Yes, it may seem like it in the morning, but eventually these two will come across complications when living with each other - just like every other married couple, they will bicker. I hope you've included this in the next chapters!

Besides that, dragon's review mentioned one time gap but not the other. When it goes from Kadi reading the note he left her to Kadi getting ready for the date and doing her hair. Whoa. How is the reader gonna know you suddenly skipped several hours unless you show us? I was thrown out of the story for a moment as I struggled to understand what happened. Try using a *** or a - or whatever to show the time gap. Actually, use the same thing as you did for the other time gap.

I'm off to read chapter three! This is great so far!

For team YWSDBG,
~Iggy




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Wed Sep 25, 2013 7:42 pm
dragonfphoenix wrote a review...



Knight Dragon, here to review!

Technical first:
"He complied and pulled the door shut behind them.

Kadi laughed. “She was not checking me out!”

The transition there is non-existent. You did something like that in the previous chapter, except it was more manageable because of how you did it. However, this one needs some indication of a time gap.

"... mean she was going to give it to him. “Alright! What do I have to do to make you shut up?” ", you misspelled "alright." It should be "all right."

I like how you have a lot of realism in this. It doesn't feel fake, and I could identify with some of those things quite easily *rubs shoulder* Maybe not to the degree of the story, perhaps, but your examples are pretty close to reality. Good job.

Hope this helps!




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Wed Sep 25, 2013 12:35 am
Pbuddy10 says...



This is good! Have fun with it more though, young love and whatnot. This is my first review so please tell me how I do. Again it's really good.





The ink in which our lives are inscribed is indelible.
— Helena 'HG' Wells, Warehouse 13