Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
How the hell am I going to make it to heaven?
*
Today has slammed me into a wall,
punched me in my kidneys,
and french-kissed me forcibly.
Writing is like ibuprofen,
or a flask of water
to rinse the taste of today's salty tongue
out of my mouth.
But I can't take enough showers
to make me forget
how its hands felt.
*
A man in a musty suit once told me
that God thinks that all of the parts of me
that belong to me
are filth.
Love the poor.
Love the widows.
Love your neighbour.
Love your family.
Love the hobo on the corner
and don't forget to give him a pamphlet
about why fucking is bad.
But don't fall in love,
or at least
keep your legs together until you marry.
I don't think anyone has ever loved him.
His eyes were like wax.
*
Someone told me
that scars are nothing
for a woman to be proud of.
Now I can't tell what color my arms are.
I read them like road maps.
They tell me where I've been.
*
Someday I am going to write poetry
on a stack of yellowed papers
and fold the papers into flowers.
I will scatter the petals across cemeteries.
My whole life,
people have been telling me how to live.
It's only fair
that I tell them how to die.
*
I have always found it strange
how the people who declare they know
the way the world works
seem to think
they're not a part of it.
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140,799 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
You are an excellent poet.
I love these poems, all in all, I would love to read more from you.
I think one of the particular reasons I like this is because I share a particular notion to this and some of the philosophies surrounding life.
There really isn't much I can suggest to improve on since it is so good now it is. You have set it out well, divided it simply, and presented it. I am just very happy to be able to read this.
I think 'then' would be better than 'and'. In this case.
also the next line this one line I just feel this one is a bit abrupt, Its just one sentence in the middle of these flowing poems.
Hey! I love this poem in so many ways you can't even imagine. This may sound SO wrong, but you sound like a female version of me. I agree with everything you wrote in this piece of art. Especially with the part about priest and Church (Is it about Church? Or did I read something wrong?). I sense it's about people selling peace for nothing. About truth. It's poetic in many ways and I can see you're a talented poet. I'm not usually brilliant in grammar... I like to comment the philosoply of art more. So I can't really help you about it, all I can say is that it doesn't need a change. I feel like a newbie compared to you. Damn, this is so great. Keep writing and I hope I'll real much more from you!
~Bard
Thank you!
Hi there ,creativityrules.So here is Dark to give review on your wonderful poem here!
I love the theme and your views on love,the scars,poetry and the people who:
"declare they know
the way the world works
seem to think
they're not a part of it. "-->This is such a beautiful poem to read.Understandable and 'honest-talk'.I love the concept here.It's like a poem with varied themes on each verse.
You also use a literature styles that is simple and diction are convincing.It became a special strength in your poem.
GOOD JOB!keep it up here.
Cheers,
~Dark
Thank you!
CW! I don't know if we've met, but I'm Lumi, and this is good poetry.
I have high standards and am, in general, a snob when it comes to poetic things, so when I say I liked this, I'm saying that it has high merit for a literary work (or four). What's interesting is that I read this a few times: two times in segmented versions, and two more times as the entire submission as a whole poem, and I liked it both ways. Of course, reading it all together gives a bit of topic whiplash, so I'm definitely not going to suggest smushing it together; however, I bring this up because it tells me that you have a very strong voice in your poetry, and it comes through no matter the subject. For that, you get points. By far, my favorite was
You have this very strong grip on the ability to sew together images and lyrics (that's unveiled statements, in case you didn't know), and it's a talent I admire.
My biggest suggestion would be to tone down the number of "Love the/your"s in your God piece. It goes on a bit too long and rambles a bit too much, hence taking away the flow. Otherwise, your flow is spectacular, and your line breaks are perfectly placed.
If you'd like to dissect this for particular pin-point critiques, message me and we'll take it to a titan pad.
-Lumi
Thanks, Lumi!