z

Young Writers Society


12+

Straw Bullets Chapter 1 - Rising Storms

by 221B


(Note: Yes, I did steal from myself. Someone told me that my character reminded them of a Batman character named Jonathan Crane, a.k.a. Scarecrow. They requested I make a spin-off of my own novel and Straw Bullets was created.)

“Hell is empty and all the Devils are here.”

-William Shakespeare

A map skittered on the ground, one foot, then two, before the wind caught it and carried it up into the air. The paper it was printed on was in a sorry state. It was tattered and torn, battered like the city it depicted – like the man it was intercepted by. Jonathan Crane was running once again. If it wasn’t from the cops, it was from Batman. If it wasn’t from Batman it was from the horrors trapped in his mind. If Jonathan Crane wasn’t running, he was screaming. He wasn’t always heard, but in this city called Gotham, you could scream into a megaphone in the middle of a movie theater and no one would do anything except tell you to shut up.

The wind kicked up, pushing harder against the sodden piece of papert. It whistled and roared, tearing through the thin material of the man’s Arkham Asylum uniform. Finally it wrenched the map away and forced it along.

If fate were kind that would have been the last obstacle hindering his escape. As it was, fate was not kind. A fact that became overly obvious when his next turn caused him to stumble and indirectly tackle a young man to the saturated ground.

Twin groans of pain fell from the lips of both men as they lay on the pavement, slightly dazed from their collision. Jonathan wished he could stay in his position, but both the adrenaline coursing through his veins and the looming threat of being captured forced him to his feet. To his surprise, the other man had already managed to get back up and had extended his hand to him. Crane took it to steady himself and began to mumble an apology when the other man’s eyes fell on his Asylum jumpsuit.

Confusion played over the young man’s face as if he was trying to place the name of the Asylum and then his eyes snapped to Jonathan’s face. Crap.

“Jonathan Crane,” the brown haired man began, his face not betraying even a trace of fear as it clicked in his mind who the escapee was.

Crane turned, preparing to take off again when his name was repeated. This time, however, a frightening growl replaced the soft, surprised voice of the stranger. Double crap. Before the doctor could even begin to take off, he found himself being shoved against the wall of the nearest building with his arms pinned painfully behind his back.

The next minute or so was one of the more confusing times of Jonathan’s twenty-nine years of life. One second he was pinned to the wall by Batman, one of the only things that could cause him any amount of fear, the next Batman had released him and the man he had run into was holding his wallet out towards the Bat’s face. What could the kid possibly be thinking? A wallet wasn’t going to – oh.

Jonathan saw the flash of what looked like FBI credentials as Batman withdrew and nodded in acknowledgement of the new information. He lingered to see the younger man put Jonathan, who was to surprised to react, into handcuffs and then disappeared with the sound of a grappling gun pulling him up through the empty space of the alley next to them.

“Dr. Crane, you are being placed under arrest for evading imprisonment. You will be returned to Arkham Asylum to carry out the remainder of your sentence.” Surprisingly strong arms guided the man to a black SUV parked outside of the nearest shop, a coffee shop, where he was then directed into the back seat and secured into place. How the Hell had that happened?

How had he gone from outrunning Batman to being handcuffed in the back of an FBI issue vehicle? Ignoring the obvious answer that he had been apprehended by the Bat and then taken into custody by some kid, that worked for the FBI, he began trying to figure out a way to get out of his current predicament.

“Dr. Crane, would you mind if I asked you a few questions?” The agent looked up and met his gaze in the rearview mirror as the SUV slowed to a stop at a red light, and for once the gaze that fell upon Jonathan Crane wasn’t filled with contempt, only curiosity.

Against his better judgment Crane nodded and twisted his hands behind his back, trying to pull his hands out of the cuffs that hung slightly to large on his wrists. He was slightly interested in what the person in front of him had to say, but he was much more interested in escaping. He kept his eyes trained on the man in the front seat, lurching back slightly as they started moving a little to quickly. He raised a brow ever so slightly as the agent mumbled under his breath, hands tightening on the steering wheel.

“Sorry, I’m not the best at driving in crowded cities, or at all really.” Light brown eyes, almost the color of caramel, glanced up at him in the rearview mirror briefly before flickering back to the road.

“Obviously,” Crane spat out, annoyance winning out over curiosity. Of all the ways there were to die or be injured, being in a car accident because of an incompetent FBI agent’s driving skills wasn’t on the list of the most appealing. The agent seemed to want to curl into himself at the harshness of Crane’s words, but refrained as it would only lead to more driving mishaps.

After collecting himself the agent cleared his throat and addressed Jonathan once more, “I’m Dr. Spencer Reid, by the way, SSA Dr. Spencer Reid.” As if he could feel Jonathan’s look of disbelief he flexed his fingers nervously and glanced up at the rearview mirror again. “No, I’m not lying. That really is my title, I work for the Behavioral Analysis Unit. I have a few questions for you.”

Reid hit the brakes a little to hard as a taxi cut out in front of them, mumbling under his breath and forcing himself to focus on the road. He regained his composer licked his lips thoughtfully. Jonathan only just managed to avoid rolling his eyes at the younger doctor, even he could drive more safely than this and he didn’t even own a car.

“How did you create your fear toxin?” Reid questioned curiously. Crane may have tried to poison the inhabitants of the Narrows of Gotham, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t an incredible accomplishment or any less fascinating.

To say that the question took Jonathan off guard would be an understatement. In the months since Batman had first apprehended him and he had been thrown into Arkham to rot, he had been asked hundreds of questions. In all of those endless hours of interrogation and therapy sessions no one had ever asked about how he had done it though, no one had been interested in the development of such a powerful substance. No, the only things that people cared about were finding out if there was more toxin, why he had done it, or was he satisfied now that he’d become a victim of his own weapon – the only victim who hadn’t been given the antidote.

“It took years,” he said softly. “I started working on it when I was still in college. Not to mention the cost was hardly covered by the salary of a College professor. It was better when I was fired from that job… Shoot a gun as an example one time,” here he trailed off, lost in the memory of the looks of pure terror on the faces of his students when he had shot the gun to prove a statement about fear. “I wasn’t able to truly begin developing the toxin to its full potential until I became the administrator of Arkham Asylum. I finally had the money to pay for the various components that made up the toxin compound. There was a list of willing test subjects and an even longer list of unwilling ones.

“They trusted me, I made them trust me enough to have them allow me test the toxin on them. Some trusted me so much that they even allowed a second testing even after they’d suffered through the first test.” By this point a smile that was like that of a child seeing heaps of presents under a Christmas tree had spread over Crane’s face and he had forgotten about pulling his slender hands through the handcuffs. A shudder went down Reid’s spine as he saw that look.

“You were, no, you are a fairly successful psychiatrist aren’t you Dr. Crane? To be able to manipulate someone’s thoughts like that… it takes an extreme amount of skill. I would love to see how you could perform on the opposite side of the interrogation. I bet you could be one of the best interrogators in all of Gotham if you wa-.” Seeing the death glare that he was receiving from the other man, Reid shut his mouth almost instantly. “Sorry, I just meant that your accomplishments, even the toxin, have all been highly impressive.”

Reid turned off of the bridge that lead to the narrows and onto a mostly empty road that lead to the center of the island and Arkham Asylum. He fell silent as he drove, hoping he hadn’t insulted Crane when he had gone off on an impressed rant.

“Dr. Reid,” Crane began to cover up the sound of the handcuffs as he began working his hand through the gap, forcing his face to remain passive as the skin tore slightly. “I can’t help but notice that you seem reluctant to return me to Arkham. Would you perhaps like to take a detour and chat for a while? I am more than certain you could contain me easily enough. I’m not to, uh, strong, after all.” His hand finally pulled free of the cuff, the skin tearing enough to begin dripping blood.

Reid chewed his lip thoughtfully, it was true, and he did want to talk with the other doctor. The man was a genius and his fear toxin was nothing short of incredible, but he couldn’t give into his own wishes. The man belonged in Arkham and he couldn’t let his own desires stand in the way of the law.

He opened his mouth to decline Crane’s offer, only to be interrupted by the back door flying open. Why the hell hadn’t he locked the doors? Moments later Crane smirked and gave a short wave and leaped from the car and onto the dirt stretch that ran along side the road.

Panic rose in Reid’s chest as he slammed on the breaks, thank God that there was no one behind him, and turned to see where the man had landed. His light brown eyes opened in shock as he saw the escapee already back on his feet, running down the steep rock incline that bordered the stretch of road.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
254 Reviews


Points: 11196
Reviews: 254

Donate
Sun Jan 26, 2014 10:33 pm
Sonder wrote a review...



Hello, 221B. Griff, here to review this lovely work of yours.
First off, I love villain stories. So when I realized that this was from the point of an escaped villain, I was hooked.
I am reviewing this as I read, so excuse my lack of structure in this. XD
The beginning is fantastic. The quote helped set the scene nicely, and then I really got into the adrenaline and sense of anxiety the main character was feeling. Although, I wasn't quite sure what the map had to do with anything, perhaps it had to do with your past story. Just felt left out, kind of confused on that part. Although I did enjoy the line

It was tattered and torn, battered like the city it depicted – like the man it was intercepted by.
immensely.

I find the part when he gets captured by the man who helped him up ironic and funny. I liked it a lot. However, the part where Batman makes a lightning-fast appearance before just disappearing bothered me. Why didn't he wait around to make sure the FBI guy wasn't lying, and rescuing Crane? And pardon me for any ignorance, as I am not an expert on the Bat, but isn't he a vigilante? Don't the police want him too? Or am I getting him mixed up with other heroes? Just a thought, don't mind me. :P

Grammar notes!
How the Hell had that happened?
Hell should not be capitalized.
out of the cuffs that hung slightly to large on his wrists.
"to" should be "too".

I am a little thrown off by this agent's character. First you are saying that he is unusually strong and not fearful at all of Crane, but then when Crane says a small word, "Obviously", he acts like it hurts him?
The agent seemed to want to curl into himself at the harshness of Crane’s words, but refrained as it would only lead to more driving mishaps.

Sounds kind of undecided whether the agent fears Crane or overpowers him. Although I really enjoyed the lines about his driving. Especially,
Of all the ways there were to die or be injured, being in a car accident because of an incompetent FBI agent’s driving skills wasn’t on the list of the most appealing.

Haha, that is awesome. I always enjoy dry humor when it comes to villains.

Another nitpick! Why is Crane describing the agent's eyes?
Light brown eyes, almost the color of caramel, glanced up at him in the rearview mirror briefly before flickering back to the road.

When people describe others' eyes like food, I think they are in love. Crane is a villain under arrest. Should he really be noticing things like this? Just wondering. XP

As if he could feel Jonathan’s look of disbelief he flexed his fingers nervously and glanced up at the rearview mirror again.
I really like this sentence, actually. It may seem insignificant, but it really added to the agent's character. It made him sound really realistic.

“They trusted me, I made them trust me enough to have them allow me test the toxin on them.
Two grammar points for this. It is a comma splice, meaning that it is a sentence that either needs to become two sentences or add a word to connect them. You could put "and" or "because" after the comma. Also, there needs to be the word "to" between "me" and "test".

Another grammar point!
I’m not to, uh, strong, after all.”
"to" should be "too". Not to mention that what he just said sounds HIGHLY suspicious. XD That made me laugh too. You did a good job incorporating humor through this too.

The last paragraphs made me happy, as they were a great conclusion. I enjoyed the included details about how the skin was tearing, and the back doors flying open (why the heck did an FBI agent forget to lock them?). The only thing was when it says
His light brown eyes opened in shock as he saw...
. That bothered me, because his eyes already were open. Maybe "widened in shock"? I really liked how Crane waved, and ran away. What trouble will he cause next?

I also enjoyed the flash-back/history lesson on what got him in the Asylum in the first place. You did very well with that, and it helped my understanding immensely, as someone without previous knowledge.

Overall, this is a great first chapter. I see that it is old, but I hope you continue it eventually. You have me hooked! However, if you end up not continuing, it is still a great short. You are a very talented writer. Sorry for my nitpicks and such, and I look forward to reading more of your works in the future!

Keep writing and being amazing!

~GC

P.S., sorry for such a long review! This has to be the longest of mine yet. I got a little carried away, hope you like it!




User avatar
394 Reviews


Points: 16710
Reviews: 394

Donate
Sun Aug 25, 2013 3:01 am
KnightTeen wrote a review...



“Hell is empty and all the Devils are here.”

-William Shakespeare


Love the WS quote, he's on of my favorite authors.

The wind kicked up,


Interesting word choice, where most people would have said, "picked".

If fate were kind, that would have been the last obstacle hindering his escape.

I like commas, which is why I added one. The sentence felt a little choppy.

Crap.


This feels like a thought, so if it is, it should be in italics.


Since I have never read your other work (or at least I think I haven't) I thought that this was pretty good. I'm a Marvel/DC comic geek, and Batman is one of my favorites. I thought that you did a very good Jonathan Crane. Scarecrow is one of my favorites.

You're a really good writer with excellent grammar and extremely good language. This was very good. I can't wait to read more.




User avatar
110 Reviews


Points: 6441
Reviews: 110

Donate
Fri Aug 09, 2013 5:13 pm
Gardevite wrote a review...



Hello :),

I found your story very interesting. Although I think it should be in the fan fiction category.

I am a fan of madness in characters, I love to see what they do and don't do. I also felt that you should maybe push away from Batman and Criminal Minds and create your own world, you are a talented enough writer, it's evident in this piece.

I hope I was of some help, I enjoyed this so much I would love to read more. Keep going :D




221B says...


I fixed that, it's in the fan fiction category. ^^

I'm glad you enjoyed this! I normally do write my own stories, but this was a request from a friend and I enjoy both Batman and Criminal Minds so I thought I'd give it a shot. ^^ I have my own original story up in my portfolio, though, if you'd prefer to read that. (: (That's actually what this is based off of.)



Gardevite says...


Cool, i'll go read it :D




And you have to flaunt the weird, my friends.
— Alex Fierro