I lie here with a heartfelt pain sunk into my stomach, the good ole lifted plant, and bottles of vodka and rum with nothing more than a drip to its name. To think all the drugs and the alcohol is a coping arrangement for my problems is the correct assumption, if it takes the gut feeling away temporarily then I will drink and smoke my nights away. This could be your stereotypical heartbreak or it could tell the tale of a broken heart yearning not to be broken anymore, the paths it takes to for a loving man to truly discover love. The heart only endures amounts of pain before it shuts down and this heart is at the very peak. Maybe it’s one of those tests God puts upon a strong man, maybe God longs me for something great and this is nothing but the process. Til the day this “something great” becomes believable and the false hope I’m grasping onto is no more than a previous idea, my petty little heart will stay in heart dripped pain.
“I like you Liam Ivan Lopez” she said, something great happened to this heart that night. One heartbreak after another and could this be the one? After endless nights of sitting on the bathroom floor crying, wondering why a good heart battles such heart aching pains, the words she spoke put all that aside. There was a connection that night that Zeus himself couldn’t break, this was surely the road to countless smiles. She spoke words of such truth to me, the meaning behind the words like “There’s only one person I’ve ever met that I’d marry and he’s following me”. It was so beautiful, but the life I had lived up to that point had taught me something much different, “do not trust anyone; they’ll put you down faster than they brought you up”. My guard was up; heartbreak is a pain I couldn’t handle once more.
Weeks go by and more words were exchanged, more beauty was found and this beautiful girl deserved a little faith from me so down my guard went. I portrayed the love that was hers and the ability to make my life or crumble it to pieces was in her hands. This was a ticking time bomb of love and whether it explodes into a night of bright beautiful fireworks or nuclear chemical destined to melt this heart is counting down; August 11, 2013 in fact. From the night beauty between us two was exposed and to this exact moment as I am typing, something was different, as if the mood between the two had taken a turn. Texts became shortened, all the effort was one ended, and questions throughout the long endless night became surreal. Once again all the thoughts I had continuously had, I pushed aside because I didn’t want any deep thought coming in, maybe she had just been busy at work or maybe she just can’t talk at the moment. Then the night that I had feared so emotionally struck, everything came pouring out and the two big questions that had been in the back of my head revealed themselves “Is she just giving up on us because she’s leaving for school? Has she been talking to someone else because of that?”
It only made sense that a series of questions as those came about and going mentally distraught, I was in need and driven to find answers. That can’t possibly make me insane, right? I mean, she is the one I want more than anything on earth and not as temporary, as I see a road for us that tales for miles and miles. I began to try and piece things together, going through social media as my connection between the dots and knowingly understanding that this is bad idea but I simply didn’t care. As I went through I took notice of a conversation, a conversation between her and another guy which lead to more horrific but can be considerably true thoughts. As restating that entire conversation is out of the question, the flirtation between the two was as clear as day and the brake down finally opened, the one that had been waiting for weeks, I broke down in every way possible. Seconds after reading that conversation, I rose from my bed, walked to the kitchen pantry, observed what my options were and decided that a half bottle of Skyy Vodka and a 3/4ths bottle of Venezuelan Rum was the route to take. I downed the bottle of vodka in no more than 15 minutes, now as I am not a heavy drinker, that night was different. That night I could’ve drank with the best of them, anyone could have stepped up and shot for shot I was winning because the pain in my heart and stomach was dreadful and needed to be taken care of that instant. After finishing the first bottle, I proceeded to open the Venezuelan Rum and made that my next victim. As it felt as time was in slow motion, “Stubborn Love” in the background, I looked at the clock and noticed I had finished both bottles in no more than hour. I sat at the edge of my bed crying, questioning why, and asking God why this happening to me. Why is that this always happens? Clearly never to this extent, but why must my heart be borrowed from me and given back in millions of miniscule pieces? I take pride in being the great man my mother raised me, so being a great guy made me question is it even worth it, is being such a sweetheart the way I should take.
For you, this could merely seem like yes, I am being overdramatic but for the people who know who this girl they would understand why something so small as a conversation can develop. As beautiful as this girl is inside and out, her surroundings are every guy’s worst nightmare. Her so called “best friend” isn’t my biggest fan and the partying between those two is something to be worried about. With that being said, it’s nothing but a little bit of alcohol and a disgusting/manipulative/evil “best friend” to make something of such beautiful potential turn into what she stands for as a human being, evil and absolutely fucking disgusting.
The words he uses all string together well and really draw me in. Great job!
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