Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

In this world there are people that aren't needed, and people that are needed. Those who are needed live a life of luxury and wonder. Those who aren't needed are trampled and looked down upon. No one lives together unless they are of the same class. If you are found violating this rule, you are erradicated, along with the rest of your flawed bloodline.

Then there are those of us in the middle. We don't have a purpose in this life. Yet. We remain Mids until we find it, or until we realize that we were born with none. I don't have mine yet even though I'm sixteen. The ceremony is tomorrow. If I don't have a purpose by tomorrow I will live with those in the dumps. I will be separated from my family. I won't be able to see Jack again.

It's short, but I think it works. I don't know what it is about these couple paragraphs, somehow they just managed to make feel involved in the story. I especially love the last line, it makes readers wonder, want to read more to find out who Jack is, to see if he's a friend, a love interest, or maybe a brother.

Just one little thing, is "flawed bloodling." meant to be "flawed bloodline"? It might just be me not understanding the context or having a blank moment so ignore me if I'm wrong, haha:)

I really like this though, and I can't wait to read more. Keep up the good work!

Hiya Sushi!

I was about to start reviewing chapter one of this, but then I noticed you've posted a prologue too, so I thought I'd read that first to avoid any confusion, as knowing me I knew there would be some! I'll start off with the things I liked, and I guess it's just the idea of this story. I can almost see it being based on something political, but I'm not gonna point any fingers to any parties just in case it isn't . But yeah, I do really like this idea because I'm quite a fan of dystopia, and I think this story could work really well.

As this is quite short, there's not really much to comment on here. I guess something I didn't really like here is just the fact that you just kind of explain what's going on, really quickly, and in not a completely interesting way. What I mean by this is this whole world is sort of just explained, and I think there could be more to this. Rather than sort of explaining this idea as you would to a friend, I think you could give it some more story-like qualities. Right now, it kinda looks like a plan, rather than a story.

So firstly, maybe you could go into more detail about explaining this world, and maybe give a description of the setting and what it's like. Rather than giving a whole view of it, you could just focus more on the MC/narrator's view of it, and what they have to go through. Maybe you could also talk about this ceremony a bit more, because it's all a bit vague now. Obviously this is quite a tricky situation because it is a prologue and you don't wanna reveal TOO much, but maybe just elaborate a bit more on descriptions.

Alternatively, maybe you don't really need a prologue? This is quite short anyways, and I'm sure something that could be put in the first chapter. Personally, I find that prologues aren't really needed that much, because they're more just to set the scene right? I think it's totally up to you of course, but I think it's more interesting when this kind of plot info is shown throughout the chapters rather than explained right at the beginning.

Right, I'm feeling a bit useless right now because I haven't given you many suggestions but I really can't think of anymore. Whatever you decide to do with this, I'd say just make it a bit longer. As as I said before, this was quite short so there wasn't much to comment on. Overall, this looks like a great story idea, so I can't wait to move onto chapter one now! Please feel free to PM me if you have any questions or would like another review of anything.

Keep writing!
-Arc x

Even though you said you decided to write something "easy" that you don't seem confident about, I would say that this sounds exciting and I would encourage you to write more. I usually write reviews to correct errors, but I couldn't find any here. I would say that the part about "a purpose in life" was a bit vague, but you probably intended it that way. I also would like to point out that this sounds a lot like a dystopia, and because of the number of dystopias being published in the wake of The Hunger Games, you should definitely work hard to make it good or people will just say, "Oh, another dystopia. Seen enough of those already." I think that you should continue this, as it sounds like a fascinating story in the making.