Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

I woke up on the morning of January 27 feeling unusually cheerful. I felt so light, and confident, too. I'm the younger sister in my family, and usually I'm invisible.

But not today. Anything could happen today.

Dreams were going to come true, I could tell. They were about to spread their wings, take flight, and become alive.

Yet on that very same morning, something small and forgotten inside of me knew that dreams were about to die, too. They were going to shrivel up, become forgotten memories. Dust in a rotting attic. Those dreams were going to have their wings clipped and be thrown away forever.

That day was the best day of my life, and the day that turned my life into a living hell.

Good grammar is attractive on a piece of work., Keep that up.

Prologues shouldn't be long anyway, so don't worry. This feels a little like poetic prose (which is a good thing). I can see from here you like poetry (or at least have the potential to appreciate and write it). Nice touches of paradoxes and ironies: dreams becoming memories, as if they were realized, the best day of your life being also the worst, that kinda thing. It sets the foundation and tells is to expect the unexpected while reading. Good work there.

The first paragraph is really blunt and forceful, and makes me wonder if I will be figuring out things or simply told things in the chapters to come. Instead of saying you feel light and confident and saying you're usually invisible and all, you can show all that even without dialogue. Use actions, and the reader will figure out all that. I'd like to see more of this though. Keep writing.

Adam-Clay.

Well, I'm certainly caught. My attention is officially snagged! I want to know what the character's dreams are, which ones died and which ones didn't, and how her life could become so miserable after such a wonderful day. I do think you should be careful to not change tense halfway through the prologue! You switch from telling about something that has already happened to "today" and then back to "that day." It's short and sweet and trust me, that isn't a bad thing! I do hope you continue writing, though!

Hello, I'm K here to review your prologue!

The thing that sticks out to me the absolute most and bothers me the most is your change of tense. "But not today. Anything could happen today." But then you refer to January 27 as "That day..." It's a small change really, but one that could help a ton with the overall effect of this prologue.

Second, I like the shortness. It adds mystery and makes the reader eager to find out what made (makes) that day so special.

I love love love the third paragraph. I love all of your bird/dreams analogy-personification thingies. They're so beautiful.

I'm very eager to read the next part of this novel!! Please please please keep writing! <3

Hiya Wonder! Here to review your prologue~

Seeing as this is so short, I'm going to review it paragraph by paragraph, my corrections/comments will be in bold. Then I'll give you my overall impression of everything.

I woke up on the morning of January 27 feeling unusually cheerful. I felt so light, and confident, too. I'm the younger youngest sister in my family, and usually I'm invisible.

But not today. Anything could happen today.

Dreams were going to come true, I could tell. They were about to spread their wings, take flight, and become alive.

Yet on that very same morning, something small and forgotten knew that dreams were about to die, too. They were going to shrivel up, become forgotten memories. Dust in a rotting attic. Those dreams were going to have their wings clipped and be thrown away forever.

That day was the best day of my life, and the day that turned my life into a living hell.

Its great to see more thirteen old writers out there! (like me) You writing style is actually better than I would expect for people our age, but lots of people say that to me as well. I have to say though, this is exceptional. Don't you dare stop this book . It has a great start, and you now have me hanging from a noose, waiting for you to continue it on. But, I did manage to find one thing to poke at. When you said "wings dipped" Did you want to use a different word there? or was it that you accidently lost a word after it, like "wings dipped into tar" Or the like. Or, maybe I'm just being a critic, and it's perfect. Either way, I Will be watching your progress on this...

Oh yes, one last thing... When you say January 27, maby you want to say January the 27th? Just a idea. Either way, good luck! :D